


Fading Away

by Swamplady



Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-15 09:22:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 66,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28811067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Swamplady/pseuds/Swamplady
Summary: "V thought she’d sworn off men like Johnny years ago. Bad boys were great when you were eighteen and looking for a bit of fun, but weren’t much more than a careful distraction from responsibility and attachment. She’d had her share of them for sure, from mercs to drug dealers to gangsters, but never a rockerboy – they were, after all, a dead breed. Not like the one sat next to her. What happened, she wondered, when a rockerboy grew up? When he died? When he rose from the dead and figured, hey, maybe not everything was about him after all . . ."The romance we deserved between Female V and Johnny, set during and after main plot.
Relationships: Johnny Silverhand & Female V, Johnny Silverhand/Female V
Comments: 45
Kudos: 363





	1. After the Fall

**Author's Note:**

> Haven't written fanfic in about seven years and have never posted any before, but I'm desperate for something fun to do as I write my MA dissertation and obsess over Cyberpunk. Eternally pissed over the lack of Johnny Silverhand romance so here we are. Hope everyone enjoys reading as much as I do writing!

V thought she’d sworn off men like Johnny years ago. Bad boys were great when you were eighteen and looking for a bit of fun, but weren’t much more than a careful distraction from responsibility and attachment. She’d had her share of them for sure, from mercs to drug dealers to gangsters, but never a rockerboy – they were, after all, a dead breed. Not like the one sat next to her. What happened, she wondered, when a rockerboy grew up? When he died? When he rose from the dead and figured, hey, maybe not everything was about him after all . . .

V sighed as she struggled not to stare at him. She was still half expecting him to vanish in a flurry of data pixels, unable to truly believe he was there with her, in the flesh. Every now and then, she reached out to poke his arm or cheek, letting out a satisfied hum of approval each time her finger met warm skin. He’d quickly shoo her away again, shooting her a look heavy with annoyance and disapproval out the corner of his eye, but seemed to understand what she was doing and remained silent, his pensive gaze drifting into the distance as he smoked. Something was eating at him and V didn’t know what – and no way was she gonna ask, no matter how heavy those questions weighed on her. It had already been two weeks since Mikoshi, and they still hadn’t agreed on a game plan. _Need to focus my thoughts on that_ , she thought. Not Johnny.

“Can’t stay here much longer, V,” he reminded her.

“Yeah.” She bit her lip. He’d been trying to get her on the move for a week now, but something was holding her back. Some sort of tight feeling in her chest, an anxiety she wasn’t used to, scared that once she stepped over the threshold of her apartment everything would be ripped away. That Johnny would be ripped away. At this point, V wasn’t sure she could deal with that. She’d lost too much. Done too much with him. _Fucking pathetic, V_.

Johnny leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “I’ll call Kerry.”

V raised an eyebrow. “You’ll give him a fucking heart attack, gonkbrain.”

“So?”

She rolled her eyes. They’d gone through their list of potential hideouts over and over – no option seemed to make them both happy, and they were in wordless agreement to stay together, so something had to give. Judy had been through enough with Evelyn; Vik and Misty had been through enough with V; the Aldecaldos were swiftly vetoed by Johnny. Actually, Johnny had vetoed anyone who wasn’t Kerry. V was starting to suspect he was just desperate to see his old friend, but couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud. Sounded like Johnny for damn sure. “Let me call him first, ‘kay?”

He didn’t protest – just kept smoking like his life depended on it – so she flipped open her holo. Her gut twisted with guilt at the dozens of missed calls from Vik and Misty, unable to bring herself to get them mixed up in more of her shit. She couldn’t lose them like she’d lost Jackie. No, they needed to shake ‘Saka and Takemura first. A famous rock star was probably that little more untouchable than a ripper and new age practitioner, right? She hovered over Kerry’s name briefly before swallowing her guilt and making the call.

“V?” Kerry answered after two short blips, looking slightly more dishevelled than usual, slightly more tired. _There goes that pang of guilt again_. “What the fuck is going on? Arasaka is in meltdown!”

“Yeah . . . Kinda our fault, that.”

“ _Our_? You and Johnny? He still with you?”

V shifted uncomfortably. How the hell was she gonna tell him this? Was it fair of them to put this all on Kerry now? “Actually . . .” she mumbled before trailing off. Big mistake, giving Johnny a chance to interject.

“Hey, Kerry,” he blurted, leaning up against V so he could squeeze into view of the holo. She tried to shove him back, hide him like a dirty secret, but it was too late.

Kerry’s eyes widened. “What the _fuck_?” he exclaimed. “ _Johnny_?”

Johnny wasn’t deterred. “Look, Ker, really need a place to lay low for a bit. Preferably before V’s place is swarmed by corps. Your place good?”

“What the _fuck_? What the fuck is going on?”

Johnny smirked as he turned to V. “Sounds like a yes.”

“Shut _up_ , Johnny,” she huffed, trying not to think about how close he was to her, how good it felt to have him there. She shifted her attention back to Kerry, shooting him the best dough-eyes she could muster. Kinda hard, with them being blood-red and all. “Johnny’s here – with me. Can we stay with you for a few weeks? I’ll explain everything, promise.”

Kerry threw his arms up in frustration. “I mean, yeah, but what the—”

“— Thanks, Ker, see ya soon.” V hung up quickly, relieved to have a bit longer to gather her thoughts. Besides, explaining this mess would be easier in person, right? Who wanted to hear how their best friend rose from the dead over the holo?

V slumped back into her seat with a sigh, already exhausted. She hadn’t slept and her head was still pounding from all the shitty booze she’d finished last night. “Couldn’t let me handle it, huh?”

Johnny shrugged and wasted no time in jumping up and heading to the wardrobe, riffling through clothes and throwing a duffle bag towards her. She let it bounce off her and fall to the ground. “Don’t know how much of this crap you need,” he muttered, heading into the armoury with his own bag that he’d prepped days earlier. Not with much, granted, but he’d made it abundantly clear he’d had enough of sitting on his ass. With that in mind, V forced herself to stand. Grabbing the bag, she went about the room with lethargic energy, shoving in clothes as she went. Pausing briefly, wondering if she’d ever be able to come home again, she made sure to retrieve the few small sentimental trinkets she couldn’t stand to risk losing and forced them in. Things from her childhood, from Jackie and Misty. She wasn’t about to let those corpo assholes take everything from her again.

“Geez, V,” Johnny said as he re-emerged, his bag rattling with guns and ammo. He watched her on the floor struggling with the zip. “Don’t need to bring the whole fucking place with us.”

“I’m not,” she snapped. Fuck, he was such an asshole. Sure, the apartment wasn’t much, but it was testament to her independence, to her freedom from the corpo world, an ode to Jackie and everything he did for her. So what if she didn’t wanna leave everything behind? Even though she knew it was the only smart move . . .

Johnny seemed to sense her apprehension. Although their bodies were separated, their minds still prodded at each other. Not like before, no, but the connection was there, a phantom limb of sorts that wouldn’t go away. He stepped towards her and gently took her wrist, a tender action that didn’t seem quite right between any other pair of chooms – but for two people who’d lived inside each other? Who’d all but shared a soul? It was the least V craved from him; that empty space in her head felt lonelier every day. All it took was for his soft eyes to meet hers and all those gross mushy feelings came back. V couldn’t even stay mad at him anymore. _Fuck you, Johnny Silverhand_ , she thought, wishing he could still hear her right now. Would have been a whole lot fuckin’ easier if he could. She opened her palm and laced her fingers through his, all but praying he wouldn’t pull away.

“You think we’ll get there in one piece?” she asked. She shifted the weight of the bag onto her shoulder, zip still not fully done up.

“Probably haven’t figured out it was us yet.” Surprisingly, he hadn’t removed his hand. Her breath caught in her throat as he stepped closer to her, closing the gap between them. “Less likely to stay that way if we don’t delta the fuck outta here.”

“Yeah.” She nodded reluctantly, knowing she was just stalling for time. Wasn’t like her to be scared, not like this. _What’s gotten into you, V?_ “Right, I’m ready.”

He nodded back, releasing her hand and turning heel. She followed him closely, the walk to the garage a blur of motion amid her heavy breathing. The familiar sights and smells melted away; the crinkle of trash beneath her boots, the arguing of people in the halls . . . All reduced to a dazzling blur of a neon light passing by. Johnny darted right towards his Porsche, ignoring the Guinevere and its perfectly opaque windows. She rolled her eyes but knew better than to argue on this. They wasted no time throwing themselves in.

“Uhh,” said V, realising she was in the passenger seat. “You gonna be good to drive, choom?”

Johnny shot a glare at her. “Course I will. Been driving in your meat sack for months now.” He started the engine, smiling like a giddy child as he slammed on the gas too hard and immediately oversteered. He paused. “Fuck’s sake. Wanna switch?”

V jumped back out the car and dashed round as he slid into her seat. She righted the vehicle, trying to keep her smugness to herself. _Told you so, gonk_.

The drive was as much a blur as the walk downstairs. V was a shit driver and she knew it, too impatient to wait at stop lights or for much else, but bad drivers were the least of Night City’s concerns. At least they made good time getting to North Oak. For once Night City traffic wasn’t utterly unbearable. As the sign appeared over the horizon on its green perch, a wave of nausea washed over her.

“Don’t blow your guts up in here,” Johnny warned. She groaned and lowered the window, grateful for the cool breeze as it blew through her hair and over her face. She could feel him staring at her. “You good, V?” he asked.

“Stressed the hell out.” Her knuckles turned white as she grasped the steering wheel. She felt shit for springing this on Kerry.

The gate to the villa was already open as they drove up, immediately met with the sight of Kerry pacing the front patio with a cigarette in his mouth.

“This doesn’t look good.”

Johnny chuckled. “Ah, he’ll be fine.”

Kerry hardly waited a beat for them to get out the Porsche before he started yelling.

“What the fuck?” he demanded, as if their conversation over the holo had never ended. “What the _hell_ is going on?”

“Calm down, Ker,” Johnny said as he sauntered over.

“ _Calm down?”_ Kerry’s face twisted in anger. “I’m not going to fuckin’ calm down, you asshole!”

It took a good twenty minutes to get Kerry inside with them; he switched almost seamlessly between screaming questions at them and pulling Johnny into a hug with tears in his eyes before resuming his ranting. Wasn’t much chance at explaining anything until he calmed down, so V decided to move aside and let the two men get on with it. She slumped against the wall, her eyes scanning the framed Samurai albums in front of her and felt a smile tug at the corners of her mouth. _We fuckin’ did it, Johnny_. But, fuck, why did her head hurt so much? Her thoughts flashed back to Arasaka, to Mikoshi, to holding Johnny’s dead form in her arms and praying to whatever kind of power might be out there for him to live. _Just give me this one thing, this one last fuckin’ thing_ . . .

“V? You alright?” Johnny said, staring at her over Kerry’s shoulder as the two men embraced for the fourth time. She didn’t have the chance to answer. The thumping in her chest wouldn’t stop and she found herself sinking to her knees, head spiralling. She felt hands grasp her by the shoulders and she let herself slump forward onto Johnny as Kerry stood beside them. “I got you,” he murmured into her ear. She tried to slow her breathing, focusing on his scent hidden beneath the smoke that clung to his skin and clothes.

“I’m fine,” she insisted, trying to heave herself up, using Johnny for support. “Just feeling sick.”

Kerry and Johnny stared between her and each other but said nothing. Kerry gestured towards the couch and she managed to hobble over with a frustrated huff. At least her little episode had snapped him out of whatever fuckin’ state he’d been in before. Johnny began helping himself to the bottle of whiskey already set out on the coffee table and Kerry readily joined.

“Fuck,” Kerry uttered under his breath and gestured towards Johnny before speaking up. “How the hell is this possible?”

“Turns out ‘Saka have some sort of top secret cryo lab,” V piped up. “Real supervillain shit. Kinda long story, but he doesn’t look half bad, right?” V wasn’t sure if she was asking or telling. She was still terrified of something going wrong, of something not being quite right with one – or both – of them.

Kerry moved forward to crouch in front of Johnny, leaning close to his face and giving him a prod just as V had kept doing the last few weeks. “I dunno,” he said. Johnny pushed him back with a smirk. “Seems to look the same. Definitely acts like the same fuckin’ asshole. But, seriously, how did you gonks manage _this_?”

It was a good question, one V asked herself a lot. Not just about Mikoshi or Johnny’s body, but about everything. How had they made it so far? She let out a sigh and looked at Johnny. This was gonna be one hell of a long night.


	2. Memento Mori (Part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next few chapters will be a sorta 'stream of consciousness' narrative set across the main game, then we'll jump back to post-game. Thanks for all the kudos, comments etc so far!

Johnny still felt shame burn through him whenever he thought back to that first night in V’s apartment. He’d been confused, sure, and pissed off and itching to get out of a body that wasn’t his own, but, _fuck_ , the way he’d handled those feelings? Well, that was just classic Silverhand; slapping the shit out of an injured woman – a _dying_ woman, dying ‘cause of him – as she crawled across the floor towards pills that would shut him up. Would have been a hilarious representation of his life if it hadn’t been so fucking depressing. He’d felt the dull pain of her wounds splitting open in his own abdomen, felt the panic and fear and burning anger that surged through her, and hadn’t cared in the slightest. No surprise she’d hated him so much at first; Johnny knew better than anyone what that felt like.

* * *

The omega blockers immediately shoved Johnny back into her subconscious, leaving him to stew with unwanted emotions and memories. It was like watching someone’s life unravel in front of him, spreading out in an endless expanse of data into the recesses of their shared mind. Didn’t feel much like looking at his own shitty past, so did his best to flick through V’s without knocking himself sick. All just small flashes at first, of a childhood in a penthouse and her years working at ‘Saka. Just his luck, getting trapped in a meat sack with some corpo-cunt and not a super model. Hell, even a joytoy would have been better. Anything else, really. Not some bitch who ate fancy pizza that looked worse than any dive bar monstrosity he’d ever had. So fuckin’ privileged her folks turned their noses up at real fish ‘cause it was too damn _fishy_. But that raised even more questions about who exactly this bitch was. She wasn’t living that life anymore, right? So what the hell happened?

He looked deeper as she dozed on the floor, the cold shower washing over her. Johnny felt the old pain of a strike across the face, but not the one he’d just handed her; images of a man in an expensive suit swarmed him, feelings of familiarity and sadness . . . _Oh_ , Johnny realised, without too much shock. _Great. Cunt has daddy issues._ He pressed further. The effort made his head hurt like hell, but he was damn curious. Besides, needed to know who he was dealing with. And then he figured it out; _ah, bastard kicked her out._ That made sense, he supposed, considering she seemed happy enough living in a shit hole, although he was surprised that the privileged bitch hadn’t been eaten alive in the streets after a week or two – maybe even literally, knowing Night City. He had to give it to her, though. Going from street rat to corpo agent wasn’t half bad, no matter how gonkbrained that career choice was. And he couldn’t judge her like he wanted to, ‘cause he could remember what she’d felt, what she’d thought, what she’d dreamed – like it was all his own. Arasaka had given her the chance to live those dreams on a silver platter, the return of a life taken from her. Buttered her up big time. Gave her a place to belong. _Evil fuckin’ bastards_.

By the time she woke, his head was clearer. The rage was still there – was always gonna be there – but had subsided and ebbed away beneath his surface to continue its festering. Johnny still didn’t know what to make of the merc. Knew he couldn’t trust a corp, but he also couldn’t just let her die. He’d fucked up too many lives, too many futures, and thought of how things had gone down with Alt and Rogue. Was he able to be better than that? If this was his chance for one small taste of redemption, he was gonna fuckin’ take it.

* * *

The first time Johnny softened towards her was when they’d stood in Judy’s bathroom, Evelyn Parker bled dry in the tub like a pig. He’d seen plenty of dead whores in his day, left flat and stiff in the corridors of seedy motels as he’d chase high after high, young girls nobody would give a second thought. Evelyn hadn’t look much different, her azure hair faded to a mix of dirty brown and faded navy, body sharpened by collarbones that protruded through thin, ashen skin after weeks of abuse and torture. Not a surprising look for those in the gutter of Night City. Even so, V’s horror had rushed through her and became his own. He’d felt her hands shaking and had to resist the urge to avert his eyes and light up a cigarette. He’d wanted to point out that too much of this shit would have killed her before the chip even got a chance, but figured that was a gonk idea. Bitch wasn’t gonna listen to him, with that goddamn bleeding heart of hers.

* * *

“Judy . . .” V breathed. She lowered herself next to the other woman’s silent, shaking form and carefully placed a hand on her knee. Johnny knew that V wasn’t great at this kind of thing, at comforting others or being the shoulder to cry on; discomfort and uncertainty swelled inside her, followed close by doubts over whether she was doing the right thing. She was utterly unsure what to say or why Judy had called her of all people. ‘Cause she was good at cleaning up bodies? Or because they were friends? _Maybe both_ , Johnny figured. What was the use of a choom if they couldn’t get rid of corpses for you, right? Then came those other damn memories, the ones of Sandra Dorsett cold as ice and flatlining to the backdrop of bodies gashed open on tables and hanging from meat hooks.

“You’ve seen worse than this, V,” he reminded her as she left Judy to call the cops. She remained silent and slumped onto a bar stool, eyes nearly as vacant as Evelyn’s. He added, not quite sure what point he was trying to make, “Don’t think this is comparable to that scav den.”

V’s head snapped up and she shot him a furious glare. “Stop perving through my fuckin’ memories, you asshole!”

“I’m not, cunt.” He glared back, then took a deep breath and tried to make himself soften his tone as he clarified. “It’s all you’re thinking about right now.”

She sighed and buried her head in her hands, still shaking slightly. “Was the last job I did with Jackie before that fuckin’ heist,” she explained. “First time I’d seen anything like it. Didn’t think I’d find anything to top it, but what Evelyn went through . . .”

Johnny nodded as she trailed off. He thought he understood what she was saying; Sandra Dorsett had lived through her hell, but Evelyn hadn’t – and V felt responsible for some reason. “You can’t save everyone, V.” He leaned on the counter next to her, unable to find the right words. Not much of a surprise. He was as bad at this shit as she was, so they remained silent, listening to Judy scream down the phone.

It had taken Johnny a while to feel like crap about hitting her that first day, but the feelings came no matter how hard he tried to push them away or justify himself. Every now and then, when he got too close to her, as he did then, that flash of her father would jump into her head again and he realised how much he’d fucked up as she recoiled from him slightly, scooting into the next stool across. Not just ‘cause he’d tried to flatline her, but ‘cause he did it in her home. Wasn’t the same as being beaten in the street or shot by a scav out on biz. They were, after all, things V could hit back. Hadn’t exactly been able to do much about the ghost in her skull. He sighed and took the stool beside her.

“You gotta stop thinkin’ about that,” he said, not quite managing to make himself look at her.

“Huh? What?”

He thought for a moment. She probably wouldn’t appreciate him bringing up daddy dearest. “Y’know, when I tried to flatline you.”

He felt her turn her head slightly to face him. “I don’t give a fuck about that.”

He snorted. “Sure you do. I’m in your head, remember?”

“You think your weak-ass attempt to kill me got me that bad?” She shook her head and sucked in a sharp breath. “Just hadn’t felt that helpless in a long time, y’know? Not since I was a kid. Now feel like it every damn day.”

“Yeah. I get you.”

Before he could say anything else, Judy re-emerged, hands squeezed into fists and brow scrunched up in fury. V dutifully hopped down from the stool and headed over to her again, but Johnny tuned out their conversation. Wasn’t apologising meant to make you feel better about shit you’d done? He didn’t feel better. Maybe even worse. He supposed that hadn’t really counted as an apology by most standards, but what the hell?

He stared at V’s back, noticing how frizzy her blue-red hair had gotten in the rain, and the blood soaked into the fabric of her oversized jacket from the slash of a katana. She hadn’t even waited to get patched up before running to Judy’s and, from the stiff way she was walking, it hurt. He was starting to recognise the similarities between them, not that he cared much for it, but there was something inside her ready to overflow and self-destruct, the same bubbling hatred that had landed him in Mikoshi. Hatred for what, he couldn’t tell. Had it always been there, or was that just his influence – his own rage leaking into her mind like poison? He wasn’t sure which answer would be worse. Still, she genuinely seemed to care about people, when circumstances allowed. It was hard to tell at times; she’d take whatever gig she could get, kill whoever needed killing. But running to Judy at a moment’s notice, with the burning gash of a wound hidden beneath her jacket? Yeah, the bitch did care – maybe too much.

After some time, V gave Judy a final tight hug, then silently headed back out into the night. Alone apart from Johnny, her mind filled with thoughts of booze and killing and not much else.


	3. Memento Mori (Part 2)

For V, she’d softened a bit later.

When Johnny had first landed in her head, it took everything she had not to tear her hair out in frustration. Sucked enough being a walking corpse, but that hadn’t compared to having some dead asshole nagging her every minute of the day. Worst of all was the intrusion; it felt fucking gross as hell, especially knowing what a womaniser Johnny had been. Of course, that hadn’t necessarily meant he was interested in staring at _her_ tits and ass, but still – gross. She’d made sure to shower exclusively with her clothes on, even though Johnny always made sure to point out how fuckin’ weird it was. And every time, V just rolled her eyes in response – as if he couldn’t figure out exactly what she was doing or why.

But she had to admit, as she weeks dragged on, she’d actually started to kinda like the guy. Of course, he was still a gonk and a major asshole, but his stupid quips and jokes started making each shitty job that little bit easier. Egotistical idealism and terrorism aside, they could have actually been friends, if they’d been alive at the same time. But they hadn’t been, so where exactly had that left them?

* * *

V spent a good week or so feeling shit about Evelyn, downing whatever alcohol she could find in a failed attempt to smother her perpetual anger towards Night City and her own state of being in general. If she was gonna die, she wanted it to happen sooner rather than later, even if that meant drinking herself to death. The thought of dying slowly from some sort of sickness had always terrified her; even with the best medical care, her grandmother had suffered for months before finally flatlining on her kitchen floor in a pile of her own vomit and piss. That’s what trying to trick nature got you, and that’s exactly what the biochip was doing, so made sense to V that she wouldn’t be afforded the dignity of a quick death. What would it be like weeks from now? Or months, if she made it that far? Would she know her name? Would she disappear all at once, snapping from herself to Johnny in an instant, or would it be slow and insidious and feel like it wasn’t even happening?

V shivered and flipped open her holo, unable to sit around with her thoughts any longer. Regina had sent her a gig the day before, one that went barely noticed amid V’s binging; she shot her a quick reply and headed to the coordinates. The building had seen better days, mostly abandoned apart from a scav den that reeked like nothing else on earth. V wasn’t often surprised in her line of work, a first-hand witness to the worst that Night City had to offer, but the inhumanity of the stench made even her raise an eyebrow. Usually, scavs kept bodies on ice for a few days before dumping them into landfills, or crematoriums if they were _super_ refined, but not these guys. Nah, they were content with leaving a pile of rotting corpses stuffed in the corner of their living area. She’d walked in on two of them sat cross legged on the floor, watching TV and smoking like nothing was out of place. V held back vomit as she shimmied past, trying her best to ignore the fluids and congealed matter oozing out from the bottom of the pile. _Twisted fuckin’ psychopaths_ . . . Was one thing to leave a body cut open across an operating table for a day or two, but this was something else. Sick and evil all rolled into one nice little package just for Night City.

“Christ, V,” Johnny said, materialising beside her. “Get the fuck outta here, will ya?”

She clasped her sleeve over her mouth and nose, eyes watering violently. The smell snaked around her and burned her throat as she struggled against the urge to cough and gag on the putrid air. For once, she was grateful that Johnny could essentially read her mind. “Gotta get the package first.”

“Like hell you do. You know I gotta breathe this shit too, right?” He hovered close to her. She couldn’t tell if he was trying to be intimidating or not. Not that it would have worked, anyway.

V shook her head and moved past him. The worst was over after the shootout, she just needed to find the goddamn –

“V!”

She turned on her heel to tell him to shut the fuck up again, but underestimated just how much blood was slicked across the tiles and felt herself slipping backwards _. Gotta stop wearing heels out on biz_ , she thought briefly before she felt her head smack against the hard surface. The back of her scalp was gnawed by the spread of searing pain.

“Probably the only good idea you’ve had,” Johnny smirked, crouching beside her head.

V groaned as her ears rang and vision blurred. Her hands and clothes were sticky with blood, and she felt fucking gross. 

“Oh, wait,” said Johnny, still smirking, “Are you actually hurt? Shit, V. Usually lighter on your feet than that.”

She groaned again. “Get your fuckin’ crotch out of my face, Silverhand,” she hissed, shoving at his knee. He let himself fall back onto his ass and let out a laugh that, for once, actually sounded genuine. She raised an eyebrow. “You tellin’ me it takes me splitting my damn head open for you to have a lick of fun?”

“Not my fault you’ve got no coordination, bitch.” He kept on grinning. It was infuriating. “Wouldn’t be surprised if you flatline from a head injury. Don’t even need the biochip.”

“Shut up. Pretty sure having you yapping in my ear non-stop isn’t helping my _coordination_.”

He laughed again. Not mocking or venomous. Just a regular laugh. The fuck had gotten into him? “C’mon, get up and grab whatever the fuck it is we’re here for.”

V felt his gaze linger on her as she pushed herself up, grimacing as the blood started to dry on her skin and flake away. Damn, she couldn’t wait to have a shower. She wavered a bit, head still throbbing slightly, and suddenly he was there, holding her up, metal hand clasping her arm and the other resting in the small of her back. She still had no idea how he was able to touch her, or why it couldn’t at least be consistent. Felt fuckin’ weird, too, like an vibrating forcefield pressed against her instead. She looked up, his soft brown eyes locking onto hers as she weakly tried to pull away, all too aware that the last time they’d been this close was when he’d tried to flatline her, but he held her close, almost possessive for a moment. Then, as quickly as it had happened, they moved apart, the moment over and never to be brought up between them again. Yet, suddenly Johnny seemed a lot more human in V’s eyes. Someone who laughed, who saw her as more than just a puppet to mess with.

There were plenty of ghosts for V to be scared of, but Johnny Silverhand was not one of them.

* * *

V hadn’t been close with many people in her life. None of her crappy boyfriends for sure, or any of the friends she’d had growing up. Even Misty and Vik only knew so much about her and, after Jackie had died, V’d thought opening up to anyone again would be impossible – or at least way more effort than it was worth. Guess all it took was being literally trapped with someone else, even if that someone was Johnny Silverhand. Made things easier, in a way, them not being able to get away from each other. No matter how fucked up she was, Johnny couldn’t go anywhere, couldn’t ditch her like so many others had done.

And, yeah, she had to admit that it was kinda nice. Couldn’t get more intimate than having someone live in your body, right? She had started wondering if there was anything he didn’t know about her? Anything he hadn’t seen in that head of theirs? She supposed it hadn’t really mattered. The point was, she hadn’t minded Johnny too much, and it had been as simple as that. At least, it had been, until she met Alt. V had known plenty about his endless stream of girlfriends, so why had she felt so fuckin’ weird seeing him with _her_? She’d been beautiful, of course, with enough bite to give as much bullshit as Johnny. Seemed like she could have been the perfect fit for him, if he hadn’t been such an asshole to her. Then there had been the Blackwall, which was just fuckin’ weird as hell, and waking up gripped by ice-cold water. The whole thing had left a bad taste in her mouth, worse than she could have anticipated. But why would all that make her possessive of the ghost in her head? It was ridiculous. It made no sense.

So, of course, V had settled for a distraction.

* * *

Another day, another squabble with her resident ghost.

V shifted off her bike, wincing slightly at the pain that shot through her left leg. Largest Tyger Claw she’d even seen had all but snapped it in half the day before; bastard looked more suitable for the Animals than the wannabe yakuza, not that it mattered now he was full of lead and rotting in a back alley somewhere. She looked around, pretty sure this was the place; the last time she’d visited, it had been early morning, before the sun had risen, and the trailer park looked different bathed in the shimmering afternoon sun.

“You’re actually going to this thing?” Johnny asked, leaning against the chain-linked fence.

V shrugged. “Got nothing better to do.” In truth, she liked River, and wanted to clear the air after what they’d seen on that damn farm. Couldn’t imagine leaving things like that, her being quizzed by cops from all angles and him ready to head off into the night and execute that sick bastard like some sort of vigilante. Not that V disagreed with the notion, but River lived his life by the book. She’d seen first-hand what guilt did to people like him, once the anger was gone. He deserved better than that.

“Sure you do,” Johnny pointed out, adding, “If you make me fuck a pig, I’m never talking to you again.”

She rolled her eyes. “So what if I do? It’s _my_ fuckin’ body.”

“The guy isn’t even your type!”

“How would _you_ know what my type is?” She paused to lean over and adjust the strap on her boot. “Anyway, don’t think River sees me like that, so ain’t no need to get jealous.”

Johnny scoffed. “He’s been checking out your ass every chance he gets. Bet he tries to make a move by the end of the night.”

"Whatever.” V flipped him off, trying not to limp as she walked towards the sound of children playing. 

The evening went well. It felt good to let her hair down and act like a normal person for once. Might have been the first time in weeks V had really relaxed and had a proper meal. Unfortunately, Johnny seemed to be right about one thing. If the teasing from Joss and the kids hadn’t given it away, the whole ‘let’s go up to the water tower’ move certainly did. Wasn’t far off the sorta moves her first boyfriends liked to pull; she’d thought it was romantic at the time, made her feel special and wanted. Ten years had given her a lot of time to rethink that impression.

_Oh fuck. What do I say to him?_

“Don’t you dare go up there with him,” Johnny warned, striding alongside her.

She ignored him. Maybe he’d planted ideas her head with his incessant complaining? Had her looking into things too deeply?

“Don’t be stupid, V. Cop wants to fuck you.”

“Maybe I wanna fuck him too,” she snapped. That shut him up right away. They both knew there was nothing Johnny could do to stop her, and she was certainly petty enough to go through with it just to put him in his place.

Still, the view was as beautiful as promised. She never got sick of seeing Night City like this, with enough distance to forget about the bodies and bullet holes littering its streets. She could have stayed up there forever in silence, but it wasn’t long before River made his move.

“Alright, V,” River sighed, “Don’t leave me hanging. Tell me, do I have a chance?”

V returned the sigh. She had to admit, something gave her pause. River was a good guy. He was sweet. Cared about his family like nothing else. Theoretically, it would work. But – and she hated to admit it – Johnny was right. River wasn’t her type.

“Didn’t have the guts to go through with it, then?” Johnny asked as she hopped back onto her bike. Her leg fuckin’ hurt from jumping the gate, and she was tipsy from all the beer she’d been throwing back, but no way in hell was she hanging around any longer. She didn’t usually feel guilty for turning guys down, but this felt different. Like she’d led River on somehow, considering the whole thing had apparently been so blatant to _Johnny_ but not her.

She sucked in a sharp breath. “Did you want me to?”

“You know I didn’t.”

“Right,” she laughed sarcastically, “’cause you hate cops. And I can only fuck who you want me to.”

“Sure. Let’s go with that.”

She stared at him, not quite sure what he was saying, then shook her head and revved the engine. “I need to punch something,” she said, “And get blackout drunk.”

She drove straight to Lizzies’, ignoring the plenty of other perfectly good bars on the way as she darted between traffic. She needed somewhere close enough to her apartment to get safely shitfaced without passing out and gutted in the streets and, besides, Lizzies’ reminded her of Jackie – something she desperately needed.

It was fun at first, knocking back shot after shot and feeling the thump of the music in her chest as she danced, skin glistening with sweat and pink neon lights. Felt like being a kid again, like she wasn’t dying or depressed as hell. But then she reached that point when no amount of alcohol in the world could stop that dark pit inside of her. She felt her glance starting to drift back to that familiar booth in the corner, over and over again, unable to pull herself away. That was where she’d lost everything, where she’d died and risen again – the first time, at least. She’d been so damn lucky to have with her Jackie that night, the one choom with even the slightest chance of pulling her back up and make her believe life was salvageable. V felt tears swell in her eyes and, determined not to be that one gonk crying on the dance floor, managed to stumble through the red glow of the corridor and into the bathroom, slamming on the lock as she slumped down onto the sticky floor. It didn’t take long for the tears to overflow and stream down her cheeks. Damn, was she really this lonely?

“What’s gotten into you?”

She turned her face into the wall as Johnny joined her on the floor. “Not now.”

“This about that damn cop?” She could hear the disapproval in his voice.

“Nope.” Fuck. Talking wasn’t helping keep her composed. She choked back sobs until she couldn’t anymore, and soon there was no stopping the barrage of emotion inside her. All of the loss suddenly hit her at once; she’d been so focused on saving herself that she hadn’t had time to feel any of it. She didn’t have anything, didn’t have anyone, not really. What was the point in this stupid struggle to live if there was nothing for her to live _for_?

“That ain’t true, V,” Johnny said. She somehow heard him through her sobs but lacked the energy to push him away. “Look at me.”

She shook her head. She wanted to be alone. She wanted to lay on that dirty bathroom floor and cry forever if that’s what it took.

“Fuckin’ hell, V,” he huffed. “Look at me, will ya?”

She turned her head slightly. He was closer than she’d realised, pressed up to the wall with her. He looked at her, his expression a blank canvas she couldn’t make out, before sighing heavily and pulling her against him into a hug.

“What are you doing?” she murmured against his shoulder. Johnny was the last person she expected a fuckin’ hug from. Did she really look that bad? She must have done. She wiped her sleeve against her face, staining it with snot and mascara. _Great._

He didn’t say anything except give her a slight squeeze. After a few minutes, V allowed her stiff muscles to relax and buried her face into his neck. He wasn’t real, just an impression of her brain, but somehow he felt more real than ever before. There was a sort of warmth to him, and his facial hair pricked against her cheek. Maybe she was just imagining things. Probably didn’t bode well for her prognosis but, in that moment, she didn’t care. She was just happy to be held by someone – by him.


	4. Through Fire (Part 1)

The second time Johnny had felt something change was at the Pistis Sophia. He hadn’t planned on piloting V’s body there, hadn’t planned on much at all other than to keep her safe, but that was where he’d found himself driving, and knew then that the bitch must have been pretty damn significant to him if that was the case. He’d tugged against his mind’s struggle to fulfil its natural state to overcome hers, the pain of their silent, inner battle sending blinding white light across his vision. Still, he hadn’t given in, which was much more than he would have done fifty years ago.

It was all but a miracle V hadn’t flatlined. By the time he – _she_ – collapsed on the balcony, the worst was over, and he’d felt himself losing control again. He’d clung to consciousness for a moment as the waves rolled back in the distance, the air salty in his mouth. For a moment, he could have been alive – could have taken it all for himself. But he didn’t, and that was when he had to be honest with himself. V had become more than just a project for his redemption. He had actually _cared_ , and he hated it, still feeling deep within himself that nothing good could possibly come from him being in her life. When it had reached that point before – with Rogue, with Alt – a switch always flipped in his head and he would be overcome by the urge push them away, to throw off insults or fuck someone else in his drug-induced stupor, anything that would make them leave. Friends, lovers, it didn’t matter. A lifetime of broken promises, and here he was teetering on the edge of doing it all again. V wasn’t the perfect person, but somehow did a better job of improving the world around her than he ever had with his grand, self-centred idealism. She’d deserved better than what she had – better than him. He’d wanted so badly for her to live, to do just one fuckin’ thing right for once. Even if that meant letting her live out some boring ass life with a limp-dick cop, he didn’t care, so long as she lived. 

Yet, he couldn’t push her away, either. He was in her body. In her goddamn soul. She’d gone from shrinking away from his presence to trusting him implicitly. It was stupid of her, of course. Even as she looked him in the eye and told him that, yeah, she’d take a bullet for him, Johnny thought she was a complete dumbass. Even though he was the one who’d asked, and he’d gotten exactly the answer he’d hoped for, she was a fucking gonk to trust someone like him.

And, in classic Silverhand fashion, Johnny hadn’t been able to stop himself from trying to fuck it all up.

* * *

He didn’t usually watch her sleep. Johnny wasn’t _that_ creepy. Sure, he sometimes shot her a judgemental glance whenever she crawled into bed in that weird awkward side-position, usually fully clothed and bruised to hell – but he wouldn’t _stare_. This morning, though, he couldn’t help it. It was like waiting for a bomb to go off, waiting for her to wake up and realise how badly he’d broken her trust with his little bender. He was starting to think that it was impossible for him to keep a promise... But that couldn’t be true, ‘cause if it was, then V would die. 

She stirred slightly and let out a pained groan, her hand flinging straight to her head as blood trickled out the side of her mouth. He flinched as he noticed the speckled hues of black and purple around her eye, that pit of guilt eating at his gut getting hungrier by the minute. Distantly, he could hear her murmuring his name through the cloudiness of her hungover mind, for now confused and questioning, unsure of where she was or what he’d been doing with her body. Rogue’s incessant, impatient pacing was putting him even more on edge; all he could do was scootch as close as he could to V, resisting the urge to shake her awake or move her knotted hair out of her face.

After some time, V managed to prop herself up, and Johnny made himself scarce as her eyes narrowed on Rogue. The Queen of the Afterlife situated herself on a chair, forearms rested on its back, in her usual effortless, confident manner. Her ice-cold gaze met V’s. “Spit blood first thing every mornin’?” she asked.

Johnny tuned out their conversation. He knew that once Rogue walked out, he was gonna have to face some consequences – but that wasn’t how Johnny worked. He was usually long gone by the time consequences came around. Or he’d do something gonked, like blow up Arasaka – so far, dying had proven a _preem_ way to dodge responsibility. Maybe he should do it more often.

His attention snapped back as Rogue leaned in close to V, shaking her head in what seemed to be a mixture of disbelief and anger. “Unbelievable that bastard’s somewhere in your head,” she sighed, her voice slicked with the slightest twinge of venom. Yeah, Johnny wasn’t surprised there was still resentment there. He had the urge to quip back, but he couldn’t of course, and she was quickly out the door anyway. _Shit_ , he thought, realising that meant he was gonna have to face V next. He figured he’d take the first move, see if he could brush the whole thing off. Before he could say anything, she leaned over the edge of the bed and vomited.

“Oh, fuck,” he said, appearing before her. She glared at him as he retreated slightly, trying to look as uncaring as possible whilst he made himself comfortable on the table. The silence of her red eyes glued to him made him nervous; bitch could look fuckin’ scary when she wanted to.

“You oughta be the one pukin’ right now,” she said. Her voice was devoid of emotion, but was low and raspy, which was somehow even more terrifying. 

“Yeah, well, life ain’t fair.”

“Yeah, sure picked the right moment to bolt outta my body.”

“Oughta be happy I left at all.” _Fuck_. He knew he didn’t mean it. Knew that _he_ was the one who’d fucked up. But couldn’t stop himself from being an asshole. Maybe if she hated him, it would hurt less

Her eyes narrowed. “Oh, I am. Look at me, spewin’ joy and rainbows.”

“Like a fuckin’ ray of sunshine.” He paused. “Well? We movin’?”

V stood. He knew that look; there was nothing more to say. At least, not until later, back at her apartment after hours of awkward silence between them. Walking out of the bathroom, wet hair dripping onto the floor, she froze as she saw him leaning against the window and let out a growl from the back of her throat.

“What the fuck?” he asked.

She reached for a cigarette tray and threw it at him with full force. The place had become littered with them since he’d started badgering her to smoke. It passed through him, of course, smashing into the glass behind him, but that didn’t deter her. V’s face contorted with fury. “Just _fuck off_ for once!” she demanded. “I don’t wanna fuckin’ look at you.”

“Fuck, V, calm down.”

“Don’t tell me to _calm down_ , you goddamn asshole.” She held the back of her hand against her nose and mouth as she shook her head and turned away, her eyes shining with the faint trace of tears. “Fuck,” she groaned, stumbling back into the backroom. Johnny froze at the sound of her spewing her guts up again, that pit of guilt returning. Why the hell was he like this? He was already putting her through hell and couldn’t stop himself from making it worse.

“V…” He followed her into the bathroom. She’d crumpled onto the floor, exhausted, just like that night at Lizzie’s. Blood covered her teeth, and she was scratching furiously at the tattoo on her arm. _Shit._ He’d forgotten about that.

“Just leave, Johnny.” She wasn’t crying this time, but sounded empty. Somehow, that hurt worse. He tried to kneel down next to her, only to be pushed away. She spat more blood onto the floor in front of her, not taking her glare off him for a moment.

“I fucked up,” he admitted, sucking in a breath. Did that count as an apology?

Her glaring continued.

“I’m sorry, okay?” He tried to kneel beside her again, cautiously this time, and spied the chain of the dog tags tucked beneath the old sweater she was wearing. She allowed him to reach forward as he tugged on the metal, trying to indicate as best he could everything he wanted to say without having to actually say it.

“I was half expectin’ it,” she admitted with a sigh. He was grateful she didn’t push him away again. “But _wasn’t_ expectin’ you to be such an asshole.”

“Can’t help it.” He tried his best to flash her a charming smile, but he still felt like shit – not that he would admit it to himself, or to her.

V sighed as she pushed herself up and stood in front of the sink, pulling the sweater over her head and using it to wipe the blood off her face before letting it drop to the floor. “I’m going to bed,” she announced, sluggishly walking across the room and flopping onto the sheets.

He couldn’t help but stare at her. She raised an eyebrow at him. “What?” she asked. “C’mon, sit with me a bit.”

Johnny complied. She was already half asleep and was soon dozing. This time, he barely took his eyes off her all night.


	5. Through Fire (Part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the feedback and kudos! I'm so excited that people are liking this fic - having a blast writing it. I have another one or two chapters set during the game, then going back to post game - got some pretty fun ideas lined up!

V had never been the sorta person to fall in love all at once. Romantic connection had never been anything she’d sought out, but always just seemed to happen. She certainly wasn’t interested in putting broken people back together, and Johnny was one of the most broken assholes she’d ever met. Then again, V had her own scars, her own broken bits left rattling inside her, maybe even literally knowing how much of a beating her chrome got on a daily basis. Yeah, they were more alike than she wanted to admit. It felt like a betrayal, in a way, letting herself be attracted to him. He was a dick. Hadn’t left behind a single damn person who wasn’t beyond pissed with him. She was meant to be past this kinda thing. And no way would it ever actually _work_ , if by some miracle his callous heart let him feel even remotely the same as she did – and that was fine, she’d thought, considering he was dead and she, well, wasn’t. Not yet, anyway, and hopefully never. Nothing wrong with having eye candy around, in any case.

But then everything went to shit at the oil fields. From the brief snippets she’d seen of his life, it had already been clear to her that Johnny was more than the person he’d let everyone else think he was. But the soft vulnerability that seeped out of him as they sat there together at his hollow, empty grave had made her feel weird and gooey inside, like her guts were melting or somethin’. _Well, this is new_ , she’d thought, still not quite sure what exactly she was feeling or _why_ she was feeling it. For every moment of closeness between them, there’d been at least a dozen arguments or dumb quips from his end that filled her with rage. Hell, some days it was a struggle just to stop herself punching him in his digital face. She tried to think of other people in her life to pinpoint what was going on. Hadn’t been comparable to Jackie at all; V hadn’t found herself staring at him when he wasn’t looking or felt her heart thump out of her chest whenever he got close. Not like Judy or Panam either, and _definitely_ not like River. _Strange_ , she’d thought, but as they sat and talked, it all started to make sense – terrible, terrible sense.

* * *

The Porsche wasn’t bad, she had to admit, although the custom Samurai decors were classic, egotistical Silverhand – garish to say the least. Or maybe that was just what things were like in the 2020s, she had no idea. The night hadn’t exactly gone to plan, but Johnny didn’t seem pissed, his attention happily diverted to the recovery of his wheels. Rogue, however, did very much seem pissed. Maybe they _should_ have shot Grayson in his gonk, smug face, if only to make her feel a bit better… But that wouldn’t have changed anything. He was just a symptom of the disease they were after – they needed to cut out the tumour, and that was Smasher himself.

The oil fields were bleak, stretching far into the distant night like a sticky, black ocean. Not exactly paradise, although marginally better than a trash heap – at least, V thought so. She absent-mindedly kicked pieces of scrap as they took it in, then glanced at Johnny, surprised to see the look of disappointment on his face. He didn’t seem like the sorta person to care much about his final resting place, but V supposed she should know by now not to assume anything about him. Maybe she’d been too wrapped up in her own head on the drive over to notice, mostly thinking about the unwelcome pit that formed in her gut as he’d talked about Rogue. No way V could compete with that kind of history – not that she was trying to, she had to remind herself.

“So that’s how it is,” he said, voice low as he sat down. All of that Silverhand charm seemed to have drained out of him. “Nothin’ here at all.”

V joined him, resting her elbows on her knees as she leaned forward slightly. “What’d you expect? Headstone, flag and flowers?”

“Nah, I… I dunno. A marker?” His head hung, refusing to meet her eye. “Something, anything.”

Damn, he _was_ actually upset about this. But she understood. V had lost count of how many times she’d wondered exactly what would be left behind when she died, whether there’d even be anyone to give her a grave or a send off, like Jackie’d had. Life would just go on around her. Just another person eaten up by Night City and its beautiful, empty promises. Would anyone remember her? Would anyone cry?

“We’ll figure something out,” she said, picking a rock up off the ground and grinding Johnny’s initials into the metal beside her. _JS, 2023_. She quickly let her fingers brush over roughness of the etching before turning her attention back to him. “Better now?”

“A bit. But let’s say it was my real grave – what would you write?” He was looking at her now, and she thought he might have been joking, but everything about him remained stiff and serious. “Here lies Johnny Silverhand –“

That’s when everything changed for V. She didn’t even have to think about it, the words just flew into her head, a terrible reminder of how fucked up and gonked she was in her core. _Here lies Johnny Silverhand, the man I love_ …

Well, that couldn’t be right. She didn’t love him – right? The beating in her chest and heat rushing to her cheeks said otherwise, but it didn’t matter. She couldn’t love him – or like him, or whatever. He was a dick. He was _dead_. And she definitely couldn’t tell him even if she _did_ love him. “The guy who saved my life,” she eventually managed to choke out. The words felt all wrong on her lips. They meant a lot, but not enough, not everything she wanted him to know. Oh, god, what if he’d heard her anyway? It was hard to tell, always so fuckin’ inconsistent – sometimes her private thoughts remained just that, but other times… Not so much.

He didn’t react though, and that definitely wouldn’t have been something Johnny’d let her live down. V swallowed heavily as she listened to him. “V… You don’t know how much I want that to be true.”

She opened her mouth to speak, but he continued. “Listen, I realise I fucked up a lot of things. Either let down or used every last person who gave me their trust. Blind, selfish bastard that I was. But I’ve managed one thing for now. Not to fuck this up, what we have.”

A part of her wanted to admonish him, to point out that he’d done the exact same thing to her. He used her. Manipulated and lied. But, in truth she’d been more pissed off at herself for letting it happen, and the anger was long gone. Hadn’t even taken much for it to fade, just his eyes on hers as he desperately tried to hold her again on her bathroom floor, and she’d known everything that he’d wanted to say. Not ‘cause he was in her head, but because she knew _him_. Knew that he cared, in his own gonk way, that he was sorry even though he could barely make himself say it. This was a man who was done pretending to be anyone but himself, who hadn’t risen from the dead to continue being the same shitty person but to become a new one. Perhaps a better one. And she couldn’t stay mad if he made mistakes along that journey, not anymore.

“Still feel like you can’t breathe in here?” she asked.

He paced in front of her. She fought against the urge to reach out for him, to pull him towards her and comfort him. “Nah. Not sayin’ it’s great, but it’s different. Sometimes when I wake up, feels like I’m back for a while.

“What d’you mean – back?” she frowned.

“Well, like I got this body to myself. Like I’m free. Seconds later, feels like I’m missing something – something really important.” He shook his head, taking a step closer to her. V reminded herself to breathe. “Then I realise you’re there, always were, and this stupid wave of relief washes over me.”

She couldn’t understand what he was saying. Was she searching for meaning that wasn’t real, hoping too much for something that wasn’t there? V only felt half present for the rest of their conversation, her mind busy and confused. All she wanted to do bury her face into her hands and let the earth swallow her up, so desperate to end the conversation and its intricacies that she found herself agreeing to yet another favour in the Silverhand question for redemption. Lord knew why, considering what had happened last time, but she couldn’t say no to those eyes as they peered into hers. Made her too soft. It was stupid. And dangerous.

And out of all the things to agree to? A fucking date – with Rogue. _Well_ , she figured, _that settles it then_. She stared down at the tattoo on her arm, deciding then and there that those stupid feelings were best kept buried as deep as she could shove ‘em.

* * *

Johnny didn’t know why he’d asked V to do it. He didn’t want to keep fucking Rogue over, but the heavy feeling of unfinished business kept pulling him towards her – it was all about guilt and lost time and regret, and they both knew it. Was kinda sad, really, but he needed to close this door with her. If he couldn’t do that with Alt, then at least with Rogue. Johnny was starting to wonder if he’d ever actually been capable of real love. Looking back, it didn’t seem like it; fifty years ago, he wasn’t the sorta person who could understand what that meant, just a damaged asshole bouncing from trauma to trauma. Didn’t mean certain people weren’t important to him, that he didn’t still find himself agonising over what had happened to Alt or how he’d treated Rogue, but still. Where did all that leave him now? Was he even capable of change?

Breaking into a closed-down drive in could have been something he’d have done back in the day, but it felt more like the sorta thing he got up to with V now, not Rogue. Rogue’s biz had been a lot less gritty, or at least that had seemed to be the case, whereas V took him deep into the dark underbelly of Night City. And, of course, V was who he found himself thinking about, even though he really didn’t wanna be. She was softer round the edges than Rogue for sure, not that made her any better or worse, just different. At first, he’d fucking hated it, had told her over and over how that conscience of hers was gonna get them both killed – again. But V was also full of contradictions, contradictions that kept her alive against the odds of Night City – she could be selfish, and she killed without batting an eye or losing a wink of sleep. Of course, not all the time, usually settling for choking the poor bastards that came up against her or slapping them out cold. Yet, there were times where she’d snap their necks instead, like in that fucked up XBD den they’d snatched Evelyn from. V made that decision every day, whose life was worth sparing, whose was worth taking, just as Johnny had when he’d bombed Arasaka. All those lives, gone because he’d decided that whatever was left of Alt’s was worth more. Yeah, him and V weren’t too different. Except, _she_ wasn’t overflowing with hatred; people fuckin’ loved her, and they loved her quickly, in a way he had never seen before. Those soft edges of hers spread – to Panan, to Judy, to him – and were the reason the bitch had agreed to his gonk requests for redemption in the first place, even after he’d fucked up so badly last time, so he had to be grateful. He looked down at the tattoo on her arm and smirked as he traced a finger over it. 

“You’re smiling like a fucking schoolgirl, Johnny,” Rogue snapped. There wasn’t any real venom to her voice, more like a pointed ‘gotcha’ moment.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about.”

She rolled her eyes. “Of course you don’t. Already knew you’d stick your dick in anything, but really? The poor fuckin’ girl you’re _killing_?”

He stared at her dumbly and blinked. “Good thing I don’t have a dick right now then, right?”

“Then what the fuck are you doin’?” She gestured towards V as she let out a huff and jumped up, out of the car. “Just sort it the fuck out, okay? This ain’t fair for any of us, least of all her.”

He felt his breath catch in his throat, not really wanting to entertain what she was saying. “C’mon, Rogue. Just didn’t want to leave shit so fucked between us.”

“If you steal her body, I’m gonna fuckin’ kill you, Silverhand,” she called back as she walked away. Still, she shot him a smile over her shoulder. He didn’t know what else to say, so let her go, looking down again at the tattoo and the blue pill waiting in his hand. Rogue didn’t have to worry, though – he was gonna save V if it was the last thing he did. Which, of course, it would be.


	6. Seize the Body

The last time was when Johnny knew he was fucked.

He’d told the stupid bitch not to jump into the damn lake. One gulp of that water was probably enough to put someone in hospital, and no way were those wetsuits gonna do shit against radiation poisoning. Of course, he couldn’t be forthright with her. She was the sorta person to do somethin’ just ‘cause someone asked her not to. A hundred possible things could go wrong, not that she was stopping to think about that for a second, so it would be her own fuckin’ fault if she flatlined down there and he could remain perfectly guilt free. Still, had that really been the best he could manage? “I dunno. Don’t like the idea, that’s all” – _yeah, real convincing Johnny_.

He felt the relic malfunction just before she did. Didn’t hurt him the way it did her, but he felt her consciousness slip away all the same. It wasn’t like other times, though, when he was able to take control or was forcefully kicked into the driver’s seat, she was just… gone.

 _Fuck, V, c’mon. Wake up_.

He had no idea how Judy summoned the strength to yank V back to the shore. He felt her arms wrap around their body, sturdy yet shaking with fear and adrenaline as she resurfaced. Could have fuckin’ kissed her with gratitude, if this hadn’t been all her gonk idea to start with. V didn’t need anyone else’s help trying to get herself killed, so Judy could damn well fuck off with this sorta shit. Fuck, he knew this was gonna be a disaster…

“V!” Judy shouted, pulling her helmet off and slapping her cheek slightly. She sat on her heels for a moment, chest heaving, then jumped into action and started chest compressions. That was when Johnny realised V wasn’t waking up… That he could feel something inside of him slipping away… Something he couldn’t keep hold of…

“No you fuckin’ don’t,” Johnny yelled, kneeling next to her. He tried his best to grab her by the shoulders and shake her, but his hands phased through each time. This wasn’t good. “Don’t you fuckin’ leave me, V.”

The seconds ticked by like hours. He sprang to his feet again, pacing furiously, all but tearing his hair out in frustration. How fucking useless could he be? Thoughts of Alt flashed into his head, of holding her still body in his arms and the emptiness in her eyes. He couldn’t do it again. Not with anyone. ‘Specially not with V. He’d _promised_ her. He sunk to his knees again. “C’mon, V,” he said, nearly growling at her, “Might have me fallin’ for you over here, you stupid bitch. Can’t let you die just yet.”

The relief that washed over him when she started coughing was like nothing else. Already felt like he’d aged another decade from all the fucking stress she put him under, now this? He needed a smoke. Or a drink. _Yeah, this ain’t good_ , he thought as he watched Judy prop V up and unleash her barrage of questions. _Definitely fucked._

* * *

V looked down at the blue pill in her hand as she stood outside Judy’s apartment. She’d been debating having this conversation for a while and couldn’t put it off any longer without losing her mind. “Sorry, Johnny,” she said out loud as she popped it into her mouth and swallowed. “Gonna need you to fuck off for a bit.”

She took a few seconds to breathe before slamming the door open, her left hand subconsciously grasping the dog tags round her neck. “Judy?”

“Oh, hey!” Judy perked up from her spot by the window as V walked in. A slight breeze brushed through her green-pink hair; she could have looked perfectly serene if not for the inner turmoil V knew lurked right beneath her surface. “What’s up with you?” she asked, her brow furrowing as she looked at V.

“Need to talk about somethin’,” V answered, plopping herself down on the couch. She released the dog tags from her grip and dug her fingernails into the palms of her hands, leaving behind little crescent moon impressions. “Gonna sound gonked outta my mind, though.”

Judy snickered. “Can’t sound more gonked than sayin’ you’ve got a dead terrorist in your head.”

“Well… That’s the thing…” V trailed off before letting out a huff. The right words seemed impossible to find. Didn’t even know how to explain it to herself, no matter someone else. She jumped to her feet again and started pacing in frustration, back and forth.

“Christ, V, just spit it out or I’m gonna start worrying.”

“I don’t know what to do with the bastard!” she blurted out, gesturing to her head and letting out another huff before wrapping her arms around her waist like a little kid. She hated feeling out of control.

Judy pinched the bridge of her nose. “What d’ya mean? Thought you had a plan?”

“Well, yeah,” V explained, “But… Judy, I’ve never had great taste in guys. Think my picker is broken.”

“Huh?”

“When I was sixteen, I got together with some Valentino boy,” she continued, returning to the couch as Judy moved to join her. “Met him at some crappy bar my friends and I snuck into. Thought it was true love. Geez, you should have seen the look on my parents’ faces when they found out, from one of their gonkbrained bodyguards who followed me sneakin’ off to Heywood.”

“Not happy, huh?”

“Nope,” V laughed. “Dad hit me right across the face, then beat me unconscious and kicked me out. Bastard called me every name in the fuckin’ book. The Valentinos took me in for a bit, but it was hard as hell. Damn near had culture shock goin’ from penthouse princess to gangster moll. Anyway, after a few weeks, found out my _true love_ had about three sidepieces and the novelty of the whole thing wore off.”

Judy nodded. “You went back to your parents?”

V laughed again. “Hell no. No way was I crawling back. Decided I was better off making it on my own than backing down and giving that fucker a chance to beat me again.”

“Think we’ve all got stories like that in this goddamn city.”

“Then when I was nineteen, shacked up with some guy I met at a bar,” V continued. “Knew he was up to no good from the start, but was so damn lonely I couldn’t have given a crap where he got his eddies. That is, until he didn’t come home one night. I scoured the streets, every lead I could fuckin’ find, for three days before I found him.” V swallowed. “Drug handoff gone bad. He was barely recognisable when I found him. Turns out he’d tried to fuck over some pretty bad people, wanted some extra cash to get us outta here… Wanted us to follow his brother to the Midwest…”

“Okay, so you’ve had some shit relationships, who hasn’t? What’s that got to do with…” Judy trailed off as her eyes widened with the sudden understanding of what V was trying to get at. “Oh, shit.”

“Yeah,” V snorted. She buried her face in her hands, embarrassed as hell. “Think I’ve lost my fuckin’ mind, Judy. Like, for real this time.”

“You love him?”

V looked up, startled by the question. Calling it love might have been jumping the gun. “I dunno. Just don’t wanna lose him, yknow?”

Judy placed a hand on V’s shoulder. “So, what, you’re gonna let yourself die over this guy? Martyr yourself for the sake of love or some shit?”

V looked at Judy and shook her head.

“You better not. ‘Cause I’ve lost enough friends, not gonna lose you too, especially not over some stupid rockerboy.” She paused for a moment, thoughtful. “Besides, don’t think Johnny would want that for you either.”

V frowned. “What do you mean?” she asked.

Judy shifted in her seat. “At the lake… The braindance, when I could hear him – well, kinda, anyway, more of an… impression, I suppose. Anyway, he flew off the fuckin’ handle when I pulled you out. Lost his goddamn mind with worry. Of course, had no idea what it was at the time, but after you told me about him it all made sense.”

“I… don’t think Johnny sees me that way. Not even really sure if he _likes_ me that much. Pretty sure it’s Stockholm syndrome kickin’ in or something.”

“Well, the way I see it, you either talk to him or you don’t. But, V, no guy is worth your life, okay? It’s gotta end the same either way. He was never meant to be here.”

V nodded solemnly. “Guess there isn’t much to say, then.”

Judy pulled her into a hug and squeezed her tightly. She couldn’t help but think back to that night at Lizzie’s, in the bathroom, feeling his arms around her…

“You’re gonna be okay, V,” Judy insisted. “Crash here tonight, we’ll order some pizza.”

She swallowed the lump forming in her throat, but felt better having someone finally tell her what she’d always known deep down. It didn’t matter how she felt. She didn’t want to die. She had to meet Hanako as planned and have Alt sort out whatever the fuck the biochip had done to her. That’s what had to happen. That’s what _would_ happen. She just wished that it wouldn’t mean losing Johnny, too.


	7. Mikoshi

V felt the weight of the world lift from her aching shoulders as she awoke in Mikoshi. It was strange, this detachment from her body. She no longer had to fight against the scream of her burning muscles, knowing that rest was impossible when every second that ticked by could be her last. The desperation that had surged through her non-stop since that night at Embers was finally ebbing away. All the pain, all the death she’d caused… It was gonna be worth something.

Then she saw him in the distance, and it was impossible to stop her heart from racing again. She was almost scared to approach him, knowing that it meant saying goodbye, and wished she could have stayed frozen there forever, unmoving and eternal, never having to let him go. The decision had already been made, but somehow didn’t feel final. There was still this last step to take. V had never been a massive believer in anything spiritual, but she couldn’t help in that moment but to think back to a conversation with Misty.

“This whole thing,” V had told her, leaning on the counter in the shop feeling sorry for herself, “Is just a stupid fuckin’ blip in reality. Was never meant to happen. He was never meant to be here.”

Misty had raised an eyebrow in response, so sure of herself, yet cryptic as usual. “You sure, V?”

“’Course I’m sure.”

“Maybe you’re both exactly where you’re meant to be,” she’d pointed out, before letting out a playful giggle. “Literal soulmates! Born out of time…”

Yeah, as if. But that first part – that had stuck, for some reason. _Maybe you’re both exactly where you’re meant to be_. V couldn’t deny that they’d both grown way more over the last few months than either of them had managed throughout their entire lifetimes. Now when she looked at Johnny, she didn’t see a rockerboy running on hatred. She wasn’t sure if she saw Johnny Silverhand at all, or Robert John Linder either, for that matter. No, this was someone new. And as for herself, well, she couldn’t be too sure. When had she ever been good at introspection? But she did know that now, when she looked in the mirror, she didn’t see a woman without ideals, but instead a woman who loved and was loved in return. It was a welcome change. 

“Johnny…” She grabbed his shoulder and he turned to face her, smiling. She could have cried with relief. “I fuckin’ did it. I’m gonna fuckin’ live.”

But, of course, it couldn’t have been that easy. Even after everything she’d done, it couldn’t have been enough, because nothing was ever enough in Night City. All this, just to face the same slow death months away? No. She couldn’t accept it, even as Johnny insisted she go. To make the best of what she had. Or find a way to fix it – _again_.

“There must be another option,” she told the AI, dread creeping through her as she tried to think of something, anything…

“There is a third option,” Alt said, “For Johnny.”

V and Johnny looked at each other, unsure. “Well,” V said hurriedly, “What is it?”

“I have come across new, highly encrypted information.” The hollowness of Alt’s voice made V uneasy. It was almost impossible to believe that she had once been alive. “Two levels beneath Mikoshi, there is a cryopreservation research laboratory, known only to the head of the Arasaka corporation and a select team of scientists.”

“A what?”

“A cryopreservation research laboratory.”

V sighed and gritted her teeth. “Okay, got that, but _why_?”

“The goal of the Soulkiller project was to commercialise copies of VIPs under the guise of immortality,” Alt explained. “It appears that a few dozen top clients also submitted their organic bodies for cryogenic preservation, under the impression that their engrams would one day be re-implanted and their original bodies revived.”

V crossed her arms thoughtfully. “Again – but why? Why use Soulkiller in the first place? What does ‘Saka get out of this?”

“Arasaka has not yet perfected this technology. Certain high-profile clients were dissatisfied with the option of cloning.” Alt paused for a moment before continuing. “The loss of these individuals’ engrams was deemed unacceptable, so this was presented as an alternative. It appears that Arasaka intended to edit the engrams prior to implantation in order to exert greater levels of control over persons of interest. However, it is within my capability to perform what they failed to accomplish.”

“Just when you think the corps couldn’t get even more fucked up…” V clenched her fists. Of course, she’d known there was plenty going on at Arasaka that she’d never hoped to be involved in, but this was beyond anything she could have imagined. What else didn’t she know about this place? “Wait,” she asked, “How does that help Johnny?”

“Preservation chamber number four contains the organic body of Johnny Silverhand.” Alt remained as unfeeling as ever.

“What?” V blinked and shook her head, looking at Johnny, who remained silent and still. “That can’t be right… His body was dumped in the oil fields, heard it from Grayson – said Smasher took care of it himself. It’s long gone. Besides, don’t think Johnny really counts as a _person of interest_.”

Johnny finally turned his head to look at her and raised an eyebrow.

“No offence,” V assured half-heartedly.

“As I said, the technology is not yet perfected,” Alt explained. “As with the prototype biochip, Arasaka intended to use the less desirable engram and body as a test subject.”

“Meaning Johnny?”

“Yes. That said, it seems from the research documents I have accessed that the previous head of research had some… Conflicting views on the matter. He believed that Saburo kept the body as what a human may consider to be a _trophy_.”

V pinched the bridge of her nose, unable to fully comprehend what she was hearing. “Alt, you’re tellin’ us Johnny’s body is _here_? In Arasaka Tower? _Preserved_?” That couldn’t be it, right? She was misunderstanding?

“Yes.” _Fuck_.

V immediately spun on her heel, not quite sure where she was going. “Fuck, Johnny, I gotta –“

“No, V.” He grasped her elbow, pulling her to a stop.

“What do you mean _no_?”

“You need to get the hell outta here. I know what you’re thinkin’, but you’ve gotta go live your life.” His voice was firm and serious, face plastered with pain at what they both knew this meant – goodbye.

She laughed bitterly. “Ain’t got much of a life left, though, have I? Look, Alt has taken care of their defences already – can’t believe this place goes any lower but it’ll be –“

“V…”

She pulled her arm away from him, anger rushing through her. Why would he not listen to her? “Fuck off, Johnny. I’m not leaving you behind. I _can’t_.”

“You must be quick,” Alt interjected. “I will return to the Blackwall imminently.”

“Fuck’s sake, Alt,” Johnny sighed. He stepped closer to V, trying to seize her by the shoulders this time. “I promised I wouldn’t give your life up. Still mean it. Not sendin’ you straight into another suicide mission. You’ve gotta delta, _now_.”

She shook her head, allowing him to grab her. She moved close to him, placing her hands against his chest. The data pixels vibrated softly beneath her palms; the thought of having the chance to touch his flesh sent another wave of desperation through her. “If I’m gonna live more than _six fuckin’ months_ I’m gonna need help. _Your_ help. Can’t do this without you, Silverhand. You _promised_.” She knew what she was saying wasn’t quite fair, that she was laying on a heavy guilt trip – but she didn’t care. Leaving him behind wasn’t an option.

Johnny sighed and pressed his forehead to hers. She saw his eyes trail down to the dog tags round her neck, then he slowly nodded. “Okay,” he said, “But V, this might not work. This might be goodbye.”

“It isn’t,” she insisted, pulling back and heading towards the well. “I won’t let it. See ya soon, Johnny.”

* * *

Returning to her body felt worse than any hangover she’d experienced, a violent jolt that burst through her like all her circuits had been rebooted a hundred times over within the space of a single second. All the adrenaline that had drained away immediately flooded back, driving her to her feet as she let out a yelp of pain.

“V!” Panam shouted, her arms wrapping round V as she tried to stand and stumbled to the side. “Thought you’d fuckin’ died on me.”

“Panam…” V choked out, grappling against her grip. She needed to ignore the pain. She needed to _move_. “Two floors down…”

“What? V, your arm – thought it was looking bad before, but…”

V brushed her off and staggered towards the hallway. “Two floors down,” she repeated hoarsely. Damn, her arm did hurt. She’d been running on adrenaline for too long… Had she run out of MaxDocs?

Panam followed, clearly agitated. “Why? Didn’t it work? _V_?” She grabbed V’s uninjured arm and forced her to stop. “V! You need to pause.”

“I’m not leavin’ Johnny, Panam!” She felt tears on her cheeks and averted her eye. “Look, I’ve asked enough of you. Get your people outta here. I can manage.”

“Like hell you can! You can barely stand!” V looked at the other woman and felt guilt flutter in her stomach; Panam didn’t look good, face bruised and nose bleeding heavily. She’d already cost the Aldecaldos Saul… They couldn’t lose Panam, too. “C’mon, whatever it is you’re doing, I’m comin’ with you.”

Somehow, despite V feeling worse by the minute, they reached the end of the hallway. _Fuck_ , this really was a gonk idea, but V couldn’t settle for any other option. She could worry about herself later, after all. She looked around, unsure how to navigate the empty hallways, their sleekness now so unfamiliar to her, when suddenly a far wall opened up to reveal an elevator behind the panel. _Thanks, Alt_.

“Here,” V gestured, leaning against Panam as she pointed. “Fuck, think Smasher broke my arm. Not sure I’m gonna be much use if we see anyone.”

“I’ve got you,” Panam reassured her as they entered the elevator. _Okay, two floors down,_ V remembered as she smashed the key, holding her breath as they descended. _C’mon, faster, faster._

The two women winced as the door reopened, met by blinding white light. Actually, everything about the lab was white and horribly oversaturated. They passed through the deactivated decontamination chamber and into a large room lined with chambers with an adjacent lab of desks and computers behind a panel of glass. _Yup, definitely supervillain shit_. Her eyes scanned the numbers on the front of the pods.

“This one,” V pointed, indicating for Panam to set her down. Fuck, she should have asked Alt what to do. How did this thing work? She looked around with shaking hands, hardly able to process anything through her urgency. Finally, she found a port, and jacked in without missing a beat. _C’mon, Alt, do somethin’ here_. The minutes passed, each more agonising than the last.

“V,” Panam said, moving over to the other side of the room. “This computer has lit up, full of decrypted records.”

“Grab ‘em, read what you can.”

“Got it.” More minutes went by. “V… This is – this is _Johnny_?”

“Yeah,” she laughed darkly, still unable to grasp the absurdity of it. “Psychopaths kept him on ice.”

Panam shook her head. “This is unbelievable.”

“What kinda state is he in? Can you see?”

Panam walked over, nodding. “Can’t go through it all here, but seems like he’s in one piece. Chrome arm was fucked but they replaced it. Other than that, they threw him in as they found him.”

Suddenly, the chamber opened up. V couldn’t believe that he was really there, strapped upright and jacked into another port. She worked on getting him out as Panam hovered over the computer again. “He’s alive, V,” she told her. “Heartbeat is fast but within safe levels. Fuck, he might go into shock if we don’t –“

She was cut short as V let out another yelp trying to lower him to the ground; she settled for toppling over with him rather than fuck her arm up even more. She held her hand over his chest as she pulled his head into her lap and felt the thumping from within, but he wasn’t opening his eyes. “C’mon, Johnny,” she hissed. “Just give me this one thing, this one last fuckin’ thing…” More minutes ticked by, more tears threatened to overflow – but, at last, he let out a groan and his eyelids fluttered open. She held onto him tight as he awoke, pushing his hair out of his face.

“Told you it wasn’t goodbye,” she laughed as his eyes settled on her, thankfully full of comprehension. It was strange, seeing him like this – the same, yet different, more detailed somehow. Warm.

“V…” he managed to choke out, smiling slightly. “Get us to fuck outta here. Had enough of Arasaka.”

“On it. Let’s delta.” Damn, she was crying again. She’d cried more in the last few months than she had in her entire life. “Panam, help me get him up.”

Panam stared at her wide-eyed. “V, he’s butt-ass naked. We can’t parade him outta here like that.”

Oh, right. He was. V looked around. “Lab scrubs, over by chamber nine.”

Panam looked all too happy to retrieve the scrubs and haphazardly threw them onto Johnny. He was recovering quickly, all things considered – better than V. He managed to prop himself onto his elbows and throw Panam a grin. “What?” he said. “Don’t like the view?”

She rolled her eyes. “Just get him dressed,” she told V and limped back towards the elevator.

It took a few attempts to successfully get him on his feet, made harder by the fact that V could hardly stand _without_ the weight of a fully grown man leaning on her. He managed to pull the black pants up by himself, but rejected the top half. “Not wasting my energy on this,” he grumbled. “Let’s go.” She nodded, thinking of the Samurai jacket she had waiting at camp and wishing she had it with her.

They both wobbled again, the smell of antiseptic on him making V’s head spin faster, so she called Panam back over and indicated for her to prop up Johnny’s other side. “Fuck,” Panam groaned, “you’re heavier than you look.”

“Agreed,” V said. She felt the edges of her vision darken but was determined not to black out. No way Panam could drag them both outta there.

It took them a while to get back to the upper floor but, when they did, they quickly spotted more of the Aldecaldos and called them over. Their arms were full of Arasaka tech, faces jubilant at the haul they’d salvaged.

“Who the fuck is this?” one of them asked, but Panam shushed him.

“Just keep him and V together,” she demanded. “Get them outta here.”

The group complied. Two of them managed to keep Johnny stood upright, but V felt herself sinking to her knees and allowed herself to be lifted off the ground. She felt sick and her arm was fuckin’ killing her, but she’d done it. At last, she finally allowed herself to close her eyes, satisfied with the knowledge that when she awoke, Johnny would be there.


	8. Awakening

Everything hurt – that was the only thing letting V know that she was still alive, stuck for what could have been years in the blackness of sleep and exhaustion. Sometimes she felt hands on her, fiddling with her arm and touching her face, or heard distant voices that echoed from somewhere she couldn’t reach. There were no dreams to enjoy, or strange, flickering memories that didn’t belong to her, just pain and darkness. But she had to awake at some point. And when she did, the world was too bright and hot, a repulsive hostile planet that didn’t feel quite right anymore. Maybe she had died too many times. Or was dead still. Even the sand on the ground seemed to harbour an uncomfortable glow. V turned her head, grimacing as the sun danced through the holes of her tent like little fireflies.

“V,” Panam said, leaning close to her. V couldn’t quite make out the details of her face, but she sounded relieved. “Finally.”

“How long…” she managed to croak out, quickly giving up as her throat started to burn and scratch. Fuck, her mouth was so dry.

“Three days on the mend.” Panam’s hand clasped her own with a reassuring squeeze.

“And Johnny?”

“He’s outside,” Panam snickered, “And gonna be pissed with me. Told him you weren’t likely to wake the few minutes he stepped away… Trying to get me in trouble, huh?”

V let out a pained laugh, rolling onto her side. The world continued to spin and gleam, so she closed her eyes tight again.

“Careful with that arm,” Panam warned. “We managed to fix you up, but we ain’t got your fancy city tech out here.”

V nodded. “Wanna sleep more,” she grumbled. Would they let her sleep forever? “Don’t tell him I woke.”

Her rest was more peaceful than the last, but didn’t last long, interrupted by shouting. The noise no longer sounded miles away, but close by and annoying as hell. _Wait_ , she realised, _is that Johnny_? She strained to listen.

“Why the fuck isn’t she awake yet? If you’d let me take her, she would be fine right now.” _Yeah, definitely Johnny, as charming as ever._

“Like hell she would be! That AI of yours completely fucked her up. She was dead on her feet dragging your sorry ass out of ‘Saka Tower.”

V groaned. Seemed as good a time as any to get out of bed. The world continued its determination to make her puke with its incessant spinning, but was no longer blinding bright or too hot. Anyway, no way could she leave Johnny with Panam if he was gonna talk to her like that, or he’d get the crap beaten out of him in no time. She slung her heavy legs over the edge of the cot and stared at her reflection in the mirror set up across the room. Damn, she looked shit. Bruised and covered in the copper crust of dried blood. Someone had removed her jacket and shoes, but her leather pants had remained on and sweat was pasting them to her skin. The Badlands sucked. 

“V!” Panam exclaimed as she entered the tent, her face almost as bruised as V’s. Johnny followed closely behind and froze as he set his eyes on her, face white.

“Fuck’s sake, Johnny,” V chuckled, “Do I really look that bad?”

“Actually, yeah,” he replied, “You look like shit, V.”

“Macho-man here wants to take you back to the city,” Panam interrupted. “Keeps insisting you’re in danger.”

Johnny rolled his eyes. Clearly, this had been an ongoing argument. “Might wanna check your holo,” he said, gesturing to the makeshift table beside V.

She did as he said, her hands still shaking from exhaustion and stress as she flicked through missed calls. Mostly from Judy, Misty, Vik… She could answer them later. But there was one that caught her attention. _Takemura_. She watched the message with a blank expression.

“Yeah,” she agreed, “We’ve got a problem.”

Panam threw her hands up in frustration. “What’s one Arasaka lap dog gonna do, huh?”

“If there’s one lap dog to be afraid of, it’s him,” V explained. She hadn’t thought much about what Takemura would do when he realised what she’d done. There hadn’t been much time for thinking at all. It was probably too hopeful to assume he’d let it go. “If he says he’s gonna hunt me down, that’s what he’s gonna do.”

“Then we’ll deal with it.”

V shook her head. “No. Not putting you in anymore danger. And anyway,” she glanced at Johnny, “We have biz in Night City, right?”

Wait – how did she know that? _Shit_ , she realised, _am I still reading his thought_ s? How was that possible?

“Like hell you do!” Panam protested. “V, you’ve been out cold for four days. Your arm was broken in three places.”

“V’s right,” Johnny added. She noticed that he was way too eager to agree with her. Usually, he found a way to fight against her every word, just to piss her off. What had happened when she was out?

“Didn’t ask you, did I?” Panam taunted him.

“Panam…” V sighed. “C’mon. It’ll give you guys time to set up properly, make a plan. I’ll get in touch in a few weeks, after things have calmed down.”

Panam glared between the two of them, but nodded slowly. V knew that she trusted her, but her glare settled firmly on Johnny as she turned to leave. “You’d better keep her safe,” she told him lowly. “You’ve put her through enough shit.”

V blinked. “What was that all about.”

“Don’t think she likes me,” he shrugged.

“And why not?”

Johnny chuckled and crossed him arms. “No idea.”

_Right_.

* * *

V stood under the setting sun, shoulders bathed in orange as she cradled her drink and watched Johnny and Kerry inside. They’d caught Kerry up as best they could, although he hadn’t really seemed to understand much of what they’d had to say about Alt and Mikoshi. The Aldecaldos, though, he’d been quick to share Johnny’s sentiments. As soon as they’d made it back to the city, Johnny wouldn’t hear of going back to them, and V had no idea why. She knew he had… complicated memories of them. But it couldn’t just be ‘cause of Santiago, right? Anything that had happened, had happened fifty years ago, although it _was_ just like Johnny to hold a grudge. In any case, V was happy to let them both catch up and enjoy the evening by herself for a bit. It had felt like an eternity since she had been alone, without a ghost constantly peering over her shoulder. Most of the time, the emptiness felt strange and lonely, but there were still moments like these where she felt free. The sleek-lined building reminded her of her parents’ glitzy holiday home in Los Angeles. The palm trees, the greenery… This place would have been her dream a few years ago. Now, though, it was just a building. A fucking nice one, but a building all the same.

“Hey, V!” Johnny shouted from the glass doorway. His words were slurred. “C’mere, gotta show you somethin’!”

She rolled her eyes as she walked over. “You’re drunk, already?”

“No?” He shot her a lazy smile, trying his best to feign ignorance.

“What’s up?” She looked over at Kerry and noticed a crate open on the couch, its contents strewn about. She immediately recognised some of the shirts and accessories. “Wait, is that _your_ shit?”

“Yup,” Johnny said, “Kerry kept a bunch like some psychofan. Think he might be obsessed with me.”

“Didn’t feel right tossing it,” Kerry shrugged to V. “Then I got some custom shit made a few weeks back. Was gonna give it all to you after you, y’know, killed the bastard again. Guess you had other plans, though.”

She kneeled on the floor and sifted through the crate. “Damn, Kerry, you outdid yourself,” she said, impressed. “Dog tags, rings, shoes…”

“Yeah, well, he’s gonna stick out like a sore thumb walkin’ round dressed like a fossil, so I’ll go grab some passable clothes in the morning while you guys figure out what the fuck you’re doin’.”

Johnny flopped down next to V, tequila bottle in hand. “Sounds like a plan.”

V held her breath as he leaned against her, the bitterness of alcohol fumes and smoke wafting through the air. Kerry raised an eyebrow at them.

“Think you need to sleep this off, Silverhand,” she said, throwing an arm over his shoulder and rolling her eyes, trying her best to be casual. What the hell had gotten into him? She looked at Kerry and added, “We haven’t slept in three days, tryin’ to figure shit out and all.”

“Oh shit. Okay, well, there’s a guest suite under the garage.” He threw V a smirk. “Don’t worry, there’s a couch.”

She rolled her eyes again and stood up, struggling a little to free herself from Johnny who had closed his eyes and become dead weight against her. “C’mon,” she huffed, and eventually he complied as she grabbed their bags and started heading down the hallway. She looked back at Kerry; he continued drinking and staring ahead of himself, deep in thought and unmoving. Hopefully this wasn’t gonna be too much of a shock for him…

“I’ll go see Rogue tomorrow,” Johnny said as they flicked the lights on. The suite was just as fancy as the rest of the villa, but somehow emptier, with storage boxes shoved in the corner. V figured it hadn’t been used in a long time.

“Alright,” she replied. “You want me to come with you?”

Johnny shook his head. “Nah, think it’ll be better for me to go alone this time.”

“Okay, well, I’ll call her first – in the morning, I mean.” Suddenly, V’s stomach felt all funny. She’d been trying not to think about it too much, knowing that Johnny’s reunion with Rogue was gonna happen sooner or later. But she hated not knowing what exactly was gonna result from it, what either of them wanted from each other. Not that it should matter to V anymore.

Johnny seemed to sense the change in her mood as they threw their bags by the bed. She thought she did a pretty good job at hiding her feelings, but it was impossible with him prodding at her brain all the time. She wasn’t sure how she felt about this weird psychic link they still had going, but it did make things a bit less lonely, regardless of how annoying it could be. “What’s gotten into you?” he asked.

“Nothin’,” she insisted, trying not to look at him as she pulled her jacket off and tossed it on the couch.

Johnny didn’t look convinced. He stepped closer to her, cautiously, as if he was prepared for her to push him away, and placed his hands on her waist. She felt her breathing quicken as he placed his forehead against hers. What the fuck was he doing?

“You’re drunk,” she told him, pulling away and dragging a blanket off the back of the couch to wrap around herself. Moments ago, she’d had goosebumps from the cool evening air wafting in through the vents, but now felt hot and uncomfortable. _Keep it together, V._

“No, I’m not,” he insisted, but made no attempt to touch her again, instead settling on the bed fully clothed, one leg hanging over the edge. “Maybe I just like you.”

“Very funny.” She was starting to wonder if he _had_ caught onto her feelings and was simply intent on making her suffer. Then again, she’d seen what he was like, especially when drunk, and this wasn’t exactly out of character either. “I’ll wake you when I get up,” she sighed, closing her eyes and realising just how tired she was. The last few days had been a nightmare of stress and decision-making. She still felt bad that she hadn’t called Panam as she had promised. In truth, she had expected them to be back with the Aldecaldos by now, not in a rock star’s fancy-ass basement. Takemura still hadn’t showed after weeks of trying to flush him out, and if nobody in Night City had been able to help her before, they damn well wouldn’t now. Yet, Johnny seemed positive that Rogue would have a solution. V turned to face the back of the couch. She wasn’t convinced this wasn’t just Johnny’s way to catch up with old friends, but if they didn’t trust each other she wouldn’t have a hope in hell’s chance, so was willing to play along for now.


	9. Rogue

Breaking the news to Rogue went a lot smoother than it had with Kerry, although V wasn’t sure if her reaction was good or bad. She’d kept her steady, stone-cold gaze on V as she spoke, ending the call with only a simple nod and agreement to meet with Johnny at the club. Rogue’s complete lack of surprise made V raise an eyebrow, but she knew better than to point it out, preferring to stay on the fixer’s good side for now. At least this time, she’d managed to break the news without Johnny barging in and stirring shit up, leaving him to snore away his hangover. Although, as she remembered the binge he’d happily dragged her on, she became increasingly tempted to wake him and rob him of that luxury. _Just leave it_ , she told herself, deciding to shower instead. The satisfaction wasn’t worth putting him in a bad mood for Rogue to deal with.

After going through the motions of scrubbing her body and rinsing herself with hot water, she leaned close to the bathroom mirror and inspected her reflection. A new scar had taken since the raid, a jagged bolt of lightning across her eyebrow, and her brown roots were starting to show; she hadn’t dyed her hair in a while. Fortunately, V had anticipated this – or rather, had hoped now she’d finally have the time to spare to let it take – and had made sure to shove some boxes of dye into her overpacked bag. Heading into the bedroom, she sifted through her bag as Johnny kept on snoring, stirring ever so slightly at the movement around him. Her fingers curled around something metal as she searched, and she pulled out the necklace Misty had made her, turning it over in her hand a couple of times before sighing and placing it on top of her clothes. How much longer would she be carrying it around for? She’d have to put it down eventually. Maybe even start moving on.

V spent a few minutes smearing the dye on – a gradient of deep blue to vibrant red, a look she’d perfected over the years – then folded herself, legs crossed, on the bathroom floor to check her holo. More missed calls from Misty and Vik. _Fuck_. No way could she leave them in the dark for much longer; they’d assume she was dead, or worse – being paraded about by Johnny. She clacked her fingernails against the bathroom tile. If she called them now, what would she tell them? That she was still dying? That she had no idea what to do? Yeah, probably best to wait until they spoke to Rogue, see if they had any answers first – although V felt the chance of that was low. Letting out a sigh, heavy with guilt and frustration, V got up and leaned over the sink to wash the dye out.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

She looked up, neck deep in purplish-blue water and the edges of her face stained with colour. Johnny stood in the doorway, eyes sleepy and a frown across his forehead.

“What does it look like, fuckwit?” V rolled her eyes. She went back to rinsing her hair without missing a beat.

“The fuck’s your problem?” he grumbled, moving past her and pulling his shirt over his head. “I’m gonna shower.” He continued undressing. Most illusions of modesty had already been broken between them. Sharing a body for months would do that. But really?

“ _Seriously_ , Johnny?” she huffed. Usually it was better to ignore his attempts to aggravate her; the look of glee on his face whenever he realised he was getting a rise out of her only made her more annoyed. She hated how hard it was not to stare at him, how her chest grew hot and tight. Thankfully, the room soon started filling with steam. “I called Rogue,” she added, dropping a towel over her head and scrubbed away the colour clinging to her skin.

“Oh yeah?”

“She seemed… Annoyed.”

“Sounds like Rogue all right,” he laughed. “Don’t worry, she’ll be happy to see me.”

V started moving towards the bedroom. Fuck, her head was hurting again. “Just try not to piss her off.”

“I would never.”

She felt her holo buzz. It was Kerry – _left the shit for Johnny on the counter. See you later._

V pulled on her leather pants from the night before and changed into a crop top as she tied her hair up, then headed upstairs. Again, Kerry had outdone himself; four large bags sat on the kitchen island, one from a designer store and the others a mix of lower end and second-hand threads. It was more than Johnny needed, and _way_ more than he’d appreciate.

_You didn’t need to get so much, Ker_ , she replied.

_Don’t worry, he’ll hate most of it. He’s a picky bastard._

Well, he was right about that. There was a lot Johnny didn’t like about 2077, and fashion seemed to be one of them. She’d lost track of how many times he’d called her attention over to people in the street and questioned what they were wearing, or pointed out how ridiculous he thought a new jacket or shirt looked on her. Heading back into the guest room, V dumped the clothes on the bed and threw the bags aside.

“Kerry picked up those clothes he promised,” she shouted. He didn’t reply, so she shrugged and left again to sit in the sun and let her hair dry properly. It was a warm morning, even more refreshing than the evening before. V leaned back on the pavement and stared up at the blue sky, trying her best not to think of all the missed calls and messages waiting for her, or the fact she was still fucking dying and probably had Arasaka hunting her down. There were better things to think about. Like the fact she was sunbathing in North Oak, at a rock star’s villa with her favourite terrorist alive and well in the basement.

Speaking of, Johnny suddenly appeared in view above her. He was wearing his own pair of reddish-brown pants, but was shirtless.

“Kerry’s bought me a bunch of crap,” he announced, arms crossed.

“Don’t be ungrateful,” V warned, sitting up again. “Wear one of your old Samurai tanks if you wanna, but the last thing we need is some old fossil recognising you.”

“Oh c’mon, nobody will think I’m _actually_ Johnny Silverhand, just some gonk tryin’ to look like him.”

V shrugged. “Like I said, it’s up to you.”

“Anyway,” Johnny continued, “Some of it is more your style, come take a look.” He offered his hand to help her up. She sighed and accepted it, following him back downstairs as the lingering feeling of his skin contact played on her mind.

The clothes had been haphazardly sorted into three piles. “What’s this?” she asked.

He pointed to the left. “This is all crap.”

“Uh huh.” V noticed his reject pile seemed to comprise of most of the designer clothes, which wasn’t a surprise.

“Middle is for you. Right for me.”

V started picking clothes out of the middle pile. She had to give him credit, it was all her style, or at least could be adjusted to be. “Couldn’t have imagined this a few weeks ago, right?” she smirked. “Somethin’ as mundane as us sortin’ through clothes?”

“Yeah,” Johnny agreed, “We’ve done alright.”

“You gonna head out, see Rogue?”

“Yup.” He settled on a low-cut black t-shirt and denim jacket, although clearly wasn’t quite happy. “You got plans?”

She tapped her nails on the bedframe and nodded. “Think I’ll see Judy. Let her know I’m not dead, then figure out things with everyone else later.” It might not have been the right choice to drag Judy in prematurely, but the two of them had grown close and V needed someone to talk to.

“You sure you’ll be okay? Could hardly stand last night.”

“I’ll be fine. C’mon, I’ll drive you to the Afterlife.”

* * *

Johnny wasn’t sure what to think. Either V really was the dumbest bitch he’d ever met, or he’d lost all his suave for seduction over the last fifty years, which wasn’t _entirely_ out of the realm of possibility but damn unlikely. Of course, he could just outright tell her how he felt but, then again, he wasn’t exactly _sure_ what he was feeling. He knew that he wanted to touch her, be closer than he already was. Kiss her. Fuck her, too, sure, but the desire felt different somehow. He’d liked all his previous outputs well enough, maybe even came close to loving a couple, yet Johnny had remained unable to push beyond his indifference for anyone but himself. Things had changed. He wasn’t sure if that was because _he’d_ changed, or if V was just different. That was probably an unfair pedestal to put her on, though. Johnny knew damn well nobody was capable of changing him unless he wanted them to. And fifty years ago, he _hadn’t_ wanted to – not for Rogue, not for Alt, not for himself. What if he did say something, and either she didn’t feel the same or he fucked it up? He didn’t know which outcome would be worse. Anyway, it would be selfish to complicate things for her now. V had enough to deal with. She was still _dying_ , for fuck’s sake.

At least the Afterlife was the same as ever. Johnny felt strange seeing it through his own eyes after so long, a slice of frozen time speckled with small differences only people like him and Rogue could notice. The music was still loud and pulsating, but modern and unfamiliar. Dancers still hot, but packed with richer chrome than they could have afforded fifty years ago. That reminded him to get him own arm looked at soon, not a massive fan of the one he’d acquired as Saburo’s personal lab rat – ugly as shit, with the Arasaka logo on the underside, and probably not working too well after decades on ice.

The huscle, however, hadn’t changed much at all. Still gonk as ever.

“Rogue’ll be out in a minute.”

“Right,” Johnny sighed, sliding into her signature booth. This was just like Rogue, to make a point of showing him how much he _didn’t_ monopolise her time. It was pointless. They both knew she’d always come running if he asked her to. He was trying his best not to take advantage of their history, but this was too important – _V_ was too important.

“Johnny,” Rogue greeted him coldly, taking the seat opposite him and leaning back with crossed arms. She waved the huscle away after taking a moment to glare at him. “What the fuck do you want?”

“What did V tell you?”

“Everything. About Alt, Mikoshi, finding your damn body underneath Arasaka and bringing you back from the fuckin’ dead.” V was right – she looked annoyed. “God knows why she did it.”

He didn’t rise to the bait. Again, V was right – he shouldn’t piss her off anymore. “She tell you she’s still dying?”

“Yes.”

“Then you know why I’m here.”

“Do I, Johnny?” She narrowed her eyes at him. “You sort your shit out, like I told you to?”

He tried his best to look her in the eye, and failed miserably. “Don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yes, you do.” She leaned forward slightly. “Sure, you’ve done crazier shit for an output – say, _blowing up Arasaka_ – but you think for a minute there isn’t anything you can do this time?”

He sighed. “Fuck, Rogue, she’d dying. I’m not gonna put this on her right now, no matter how much I want to.”

“The Johnny I knew wouldn’t have given a fuck. He would have fucked her by now – and gotten bored, too.”

“Alright, Rogue, I fuckin’ get it,” he snapped. “I was a selfish bastard. _You_ ever think for a minute that maybe I’m trying to change, huh?”

“No, I don’t.” She looked him up and down. “I know you, Johnny. You’re getting something out of this. I just don’t know what – yet.”

“Not askin’ you to believe me. Just that you ask around, find someone to help her. V has eddies, she’ll send them to you later.”

Rogue sighed. “How do you know I’ll find someone? Nobody could help before.”

“Problem’s different now,” Johnny explained. “Not so much the chip, but her DNA.”

Rogue looked thoughtful for a moment. “Fine,” she said, “But I’m doing it for V, not you. She’s a good kid. Has potential. Was thinking of working with her after hearing what she pulled at Arasaka.”

“Thanks, Rogue. You really are the best.” He meant it, too. Still regretted how things had gone between them. He could have really loved her, if he hadn’t been such a fuckup. But now when he looked to the future, all he saw was V. Just needed to make sure she was gonna have a future, too.

Rogue’s holo started buzzing, so he gave her a nod of gratitude and got up to walk away. All things considered, hadn’t gone too badly –

“Where the fuck is Johnny?” someone demanded from the holo.

He looked back at Rogue and raised an eyebrow. Did he recognise that voice? Rogue, of course, was all business, didn’t even flinch. “Hold on,” she said sternly, “Tell me who you are first.”

“Friend of V’s… She’s hurt, said to phone you –“

Johnny snatched the holo out of Rogue’s hands. Of course he’d recognised her voice – it was Judy. “Judy? What the fuck has happened?”

He saw Judy’s eyes widen when she saw him. “Not too sure, she called me on her way to me, said she needed help. Fucker stabbed her in the gut right after I got here.” She looked completely panicked, but was managing to hold herself together. Johnny noticed that she was covered in blood and felt his stomach turn, his breath quicken.

“Is she conscious?”

Judy shook her head as her eyes swelled with tears. “No… Fuck, there’s so much blood. I don’t know what to do – it won’t fucking _stop_.”

Johnny was already heading towards the door, Rogue on his heel. “Send me your co-ords, I’ll come get you both.”

“I… No,” Judy breathed, eyes closed as she focused on thinking. “No, it isn’t safe here. I’ll call someone from the club – Lizzie’s, I mean. Meet us there. She has a ripper, right?”

Johnny nodded. “Viktor Vector. Call him on your way.”

Judy nodded and hung up. Rogue immediately ripped her holo back from Johnny. “Fuckin’ hell, Johnny, slow down,” she demanded. “V’s tough.”

“Knew I shouldn’t have left her alone,” he snarled. He struggled to hold back the urge to punch the wall, that old Silverhand rage returning in full force. “She thinks I don’t notice how weak she’s been. Didn’t wanna bring it up. _Fuck_.”

He couldn’t hold it in, striking the metal door with his closed fist.

Rogue grabbed his arm and forced him to stop. “ _Calm down_ , Johnny. Don’t go out there guns blazing. You say you’ve changed, right? So fuckin’ act like it.”

She was right. He forced himself to breathe. “How do I get to Lizzie’s?” he asked through gritted teeth. “C’mon, Rogue. Never paid attention to how V got places.”

She flipped her holo round so he could see her map. “It’s not far. Can you drive?”

“Well enough.” He wasn’t confident about that at all, but he wasn’t about to waste time finding a driver or walking. Not like he could do anything, really, but he needed to be with her. And kill whoever the fuck had done this.


	10. Prevailing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments so far! I really love reading everyone's thoughts and input!

V should have known better than to let her guard down. Should have known that the wolf would be lying in wait.

But she had desperately wanted to believe otherwise, so she had, and that was her first mistake. The second was not taking the car – at least then she wouldn’t have been sitting ducks in a sea of people, her defences down like an absolute gonk. It wasn’t even like her to _want_ to walk, but she felt fed up after hiding inside for weeks on end. What had that achieved exactly? Fuck all. No, she wanted normality again, even just for this one short walk. Judy had _massively_ chewed her out over the holo for her disappearing act, but of course – after asking a hundred questions about Johnny first – immediately insisted on meeting.

“I’m at the Afterlife,” V said. “You at Lizzie’s?”

“Uh huh.” Judy had already hopped to her feet, clearly still reeling over everything V had recounted. Not that V could blame her. “There’s a restaurant halfway between us – kinda crappy, but used to go there with Evie sometimes.”

_Should be easy enough_ , V thought. But nothing was ever easy in Night City. Hell, you had a good chance of getting filled with lead just by stepping outside your front door.

She saw him through a stroke of luck; the grating noise of a malfunctioning SCSM prompted V to glance back over her shoulder, a jolting annoyance that saved her life. If she hadn’t, he would have had her, but instead she caught sight of him in the crowd, maybe six metres away. _Takemura_.

They both froze as their sights set upon each other. With barely any time to react, V reached for the knife clasped to her thigh and threw it hard and fast towards his chest. He easily deflected it, of course, but it bought her a few precious seconds to duck behind cover as shots rang out and the crowd split apart in cries of panic. It wasn’t enough, though – he was soon upon her, hand squeezing her throat with all the strength he had, silent eyes calculated with rage. She looked down at his implants as she squirmed – still offline, so he wasn’t there on Arasaka’s orders, and that made him even more dangerous. This was a man out for revenge, and V knew damn well that meant he would stop at nothing to kill her.

She grasped at the arm seizing her, but it was no good, and he started raising his pistol. With a split second to retaliate, she smacked it out of his hand and struck him as hard as she could on the side of his head. It seemed to work – V was just about able to break free of his grip.

“C’mon, Goro,” she huffed breathlessly, “Thought we were friends.”

“As did I.” His voice was thick with hatred. “But this betrayal cannot be forgiven.”

V placed a hand against the wall to steady herself. “Why not settle this weeks ago, huh? I’ve been waiting, y’know.”

He laughed sharply. “I do not care about Silverhand. You, however, can barely stand on your own – this will be quick work.”

_Shit_. V realised her carelessness too late. _Of_ _course_ he would wait to get her alone. Fuck, if it wasn’t for that damn SCSM, he would have shot her point blank in the head without making a damn sound. A true Arasaka professional. And there she was, struggling for breath like some fucking amateur.

But she had working implants, and he didn’t.

“Sorry, Goro,” she said, “But this really isn’t a good time.”

Thank god for Night City’s jungle-like verticality, and thank god for reinforced tendons. V focused all her strength on jumping, but that’s all she needed to do – the chrome did the rest, ricocheting her up and towards the rooftops overlooking the street. She grabbed the ledge and pulled herself up, rolling onto her back as she panted for air. It wasn’t an escape, no, but he would have to climb up himself – and that would take time. V knew not to waste those minutes; she forced herself up again, onto her feet, and looked around. She couldn’t get the upper hand like this. She had to keep _moving_. The rooftops stretched out before her, metal and concrete snuggling into the edge of the freeway in the distance – V could work with that, highjack a car perhaps. Her lungs and throat burned as she ran, too focused to even risk looking over her shoulder. Fuck, she needed help. The lights of Lizzie’s blared in the distance – Judy would be nearby. She snapped her holo open.

Judy picked up almost right away, immediately frowning at the scene of V sprinting and struggling for breath. “V? What the fuck?” she demanded.

“Judy!” V gasped. She was nearly at the freeway. Just a little further. “In trouble. Sending you my co-ords.”

“What’s happened? Shit V, you on the rooftops? Think I can see you from here.”

She didn’t have time to explain, just trust that Judy would follow. Reaching the edge of the rooftops, V launched herself up again, stumbling onto her front as her legs buckled beneath her landing. _Damn_ , she thought, looking down at her scraped knees, _these pants were expensive_.

As predicted, it didn’t take long for Takemura to catch up, and this time V was too drained to keep running.

“Fuck’s sake,” she shouted as he pulled himself over the ledge, finally able to unholster her gun. “Can’t we talk, Goro?”

“You _killed_ Hanako-sama.”

V pointed at him defensively as he advanced, taking a step back. “No I didn’t! She’s in a _coma_ – probably won’t appreciate you taking action on her behalf, either. Haven’t been watching the news?”

He glared at her. “Oda does not expect she will survive.”

“Yeah, well, Oda’s a gonk. What does he know?”

Distracting him wasn’t any use. Once again, he raised his pistol at her, and she ducked down into a roll, barrelling ungracefully into his legs and knocking him off balance. Jumping up again, she landed a hefty punch in the centre of his chest, but he soon had her again, knife pressed to her throat. Her shaking fingers were unable to keep hold of her own weapon, and she heard it clatter to the ground.

“Goodbye, V,” he growled. She shut her eyes. There were certainly worse ways to die. At least she wasn’t being set on fire, or having her body stolen by a dead rockerboy, right?

“Get off her, you fuckin’ asshole!”

_Judy_.

V tried to move in panic. There was no way Judy could take Takemura on at close quarters. Fuck, why had she even called her? What had she expected her to do?

A loud electric pop rang out and Takemura was on his knees. V stared at Judy. “You brought a taser with you?” she asked, fighting for breath once again.

Judy shrugged. “Got a gun, too, but my aim ain’t as good as yours. Didn’t wanna hit you instead.”

“Well, thanks,” V smiled at her friend. It had felt like a lifetime since she’d seen her. They had so much to talk about. “Don’t get too close, though. He’s Arasaka.”

“Not scared of ‘Saka shit,” she scoffed, stepping forward. V tried to stop her, but her fuckin’ useless brain wasn’t working fast enough to make her move, and he quickly lunged forward to grab Judy by the arm. He wasn’t interested in her, though – just pulled her close enough to smack hard across the jaw, letting her fall to the ground with a yelp.

“Alright, Goro,” V winced, looking over her shoulder as she pressed herself back against the cold bannister of the freeway. Just a little bit more strength, and she could launch him right over. “If this is how it’s gotta be.”

Of course, she had to let him get close to her again – and with him having a knife in hand, she wasn’t surprised when she felt pain surge through her stomach. But it was enough – the adrenaline, the pain, those ridiculous martial arts lessons she’d taken at Arasaka that had been _way_ too disciplined and rigid for her brutal street style – all of it the perfect storm that gave her the final push needed to seize him and, somehow, miraculously, throw him over her shoulder. He let out a grunt of effort and tried to hold onto her, but the force of her implants was too strong to even give him a chance. _Shit_ , she thought, looking down, making sure he had, indeed, fallen. It was higher up than she’d thought. Well, if anything was gonna keep him down, it was that.

“Judy…” she breathed, turning and sinking to the ground. She was covered in sweat and her hands were shaking as she clasped them over the wound.

Judy was already moving, slow at first, until she noticed the blood and jumped up. V quickly examined her, gut wrenching even more at the thought that Judy could be hurt. Her lip was bloody, but other than that, she seemed no worse for wear. _Thank fuck_.

“Shit, V,” Judy stammered and frantically placed her hands over V’s, the blood quickly soaking through. “I’ve gotta call someone. Johnny?”

V winced in pain. “No holo yet. Call Rogue.”

“Who? The fixer?”

“Yeah.” _Fuck_ , her gut hurt. When was the last time she’d been stabbed? V couldn’t remember. Probably just before joining Arasaka. Maybe even longer. “Johnny’s with her now,” she added.

“Just… Just keep pressure on the bleeding, okay?” Judy hesitated before withdrawing her hands and grabbing V’s holo.

There wasn’t much V could do, though. All the blood, the pain in her damn head… She felt her vision darken again, a feeling that had become way too familiar over the last few months. Fuck, she really was losing her edge. Clinging to consciousness was too hard. She thought back to Mikoshi, that feeling of wanting to sleep forever and ever… _Just for a moment_ , she thought, closing her eyes, the distant echo of Johnny’s voice from the other end of the holo the last thing she managed to hear.

* * *

Johnny still couldn’t get the hang of driving, rear-ending no less than three people as he raced to Lizzie’s. He wasn’t exactly _trying_ to be careful considering V was probably fucking dying as he waited in traffic, but he was starting to doubt this was new behaviour. Had he always been shit at this and just hadn’t noticed? Thinking back, he’d probably been driving drunk or high ninety percent of the time. All those traffic accidents he’d been in were finally starting to make sense. Not that V’s driving was much better, from what he’d seen. It was a miracle she hadn’t totalled his car already. Fuck, he felt like he was in a trance, thoughts spiralling about pointless crap and barely keeping his panic under control. 

Seeing Lizzie’s through his own eyes for the first time might have been weird as hell, but Johnny was way too focused on finding V to stop and really think about it. Hopping out of his car, he strode straight towards the Mox parked at the door without missing a beat.

“Where’s Judy?” he demanded. Should he just barge past? Probably best not to rile up the Moxes, and he didn’t like the look of the silver baseball bat lolling by this chick’s side. He barely managing to force himself to grind to a halt as he added, “She’s expecting me.”

The Mox looked him up and down with a smirk. “Downstairs.”

The fuck was so funny? _Whatever_ , he thought, heading through the entrance and straight down the stairs. It felt like sleepwalking, knowing exactly where to go just from watching V, the pulsing neon lights and wafting smell of hard liquor a distant memory that didn’t belong to him. Johnny stormed into Judy’s BD room, slamming the metal door hard against the wall in his franticness. He winced as the noise drew all attention to him. _Ah, shit_.

But the awkwardness he felt didn’t last. Blood – _V’s blood_ – trailed across the floor to the BD chair she was in, the ripper on one side stitching her wound and Judy on the other, her arms and clothes drenched in red. Could have been mistaken for a scav den if Johnny hadn’t known better. No, he couldn’t have cared less about making a fucking entrance. Things looked real fuckin’ bad.

Viktor looked at Judy wide-eyed. “Oh fuck, you really weren’t joking?”

She slowly shook her head and crossed her arms, staring at Johnny.

“What the fuck happened?” Johnny demanded, frozen in place.

“No idea,” Judy replied. “Was on my way to meet her and she got jumped by some Japanese fucker. Think V said he was with Arasaka? Bastard knew how to throw a damn good punch, too.” She gingerly lifted her fingers to rest on her split lip.

Fuck. Takemura. The dog had finally sniffed her out… _No_ , he realised, _he was waiting for her_. Shit, why had he left her alone? Why had he not just brought her to the bar with him? Or made her wait? _You fucking gonk, Johnny_ …

He moved to V’s side and grasped her bloody hand. “Told you, V, you’re not dying yet.”

Vik and Judy looked at each other.

“There a fucking problem here?” Johnny demanded.

“No problem at all,” the ripper replied lowly, turning his attention back to V. He clipped the final stitch free and started smearing gel across the wound. “Should be closed by tomorrow, but it’s gonna hurt her like hell for a few days.”

Johnny nodded. His panic was slowly starting to subside, the emptiness filling with rage instead. He should have been with her. Should have protected her. “Did she need any chrome?”

“Nope. Knife somehow missed anything important. Just needed to stop the bleeding. She was lucky Judy was close by.” He paused. “Not gonna lie, never guessed she was running ‘round with you these last few weeks. If anything, figured you’d taken over. Not like her not to get in touch.”

Johnny glared at the ripper. “Wouldn’t do that to her… Just didn’t get her the fix we wanted. She wanted answers before calling you and that other chick.”

“Misty?”

“Yeah, her.” He knew her name, of course, but it somehow felt wrong to act like he knew these people. Well, he _did_ know them – but they didn’t know him.

Viktor’s brow furrowed with doubt. “And that’s what V told you?”

“No,” Johnny snorted, “Haven’t even gotta ask. Know her too goddamn well.”

_Okay, weird_. Why did he feel so defensive? Like he was staking territory, trying to prove he knew her better than they ever could? He tried to cover his tracks, tapping the side of his head with his spare hand and adding, “Still got some weird shit going on in the brain department.”

“Well,” Viktor sighed as he stood, “She’s outta the woods. Left some meds for her. I’ve gotta get back to the clinic. Just… tell her to call.”

Johnny placed his hand on V’s forehead as the ripper gathered his things and left. Damn, she felt way too hot. He noticed the bruises forming on her throat and clenched his jaw in anger _. I’m going to fucking kill that rat_.

Judy fluttered closer to Johnny. “You really think you know everything about her?” she asked, raising an eyebrow. “Not sure why you’re acting like this is a pissing contest.”

“Sure I do,” he shrugged. “Shared her brain, remember?”

“Hm,” Judy challenged. “You know that she sings? Plays the piano? What her favourite colour is?”

Johnny blinked. “No…”

“Uh huh.” Judy’s smirk was earned, but annoying nonetheless. “You like her.”

Now it was Johnny’s time to smirk. “Fuckin’ love her.”

Judy patted him on the arm as she moved past him towards the stairs. How had it been so easy to say that to a stranger but not V? Fuck, most of the time he couldn’t even admit it to himself. Except whenever the bitch nearly died, apparently. Which seemed to happen way too often.

From how peaceful V looked, Johnny guessed he was gonna be waiting a while. He leaned close to her, letting his fingers sift through her long hair. “Wake up, princess,” he whispered. “Wanna ask you something important.”

He kept talking to her for a bit, hoping she could hear him. All just a bunch of unimportant shit, about the Afterlife and how turns out he might be actually be a real shit driver, but it seemed right to tell her. It still felt fuckin’ weird not being able to send her constant, silent thoughts, so talkin’ her ear off when she was unconscious would have to do. Still felt like running off to find Takemura and gut the bastard, but Johnny thought back to what Rogue had said, and forced himself to stay put. For V. Eventually, he placed his head on her thigh and closed his eyes, metal fingers still tightly wound through hers as he dozed off.


	11. The Princess

When V awoke, she hadn’t expected to find Johnny sleeping in her lap, much less for her fingers to already be laced through his hair. Shit. Had all that really happened earlier? She looked down at her stomach – it must have done. She was wrapped waist to chest in bloody bandages and felt like she’d been gutted. Actually, _everything_ was covered in blood – her arms, the floor… _Fuck_ , how did this keep happening? V was better than this. The best damn merc in Night City. Whatever Alt had done had fucked her up big time, which didn’t bode well for the coming months. If she was already so useless, how much worse was it gonna get?

“Johnny…” She prodded at his shoulder, relieved that he was there. She faintly remembered telling Judy to call him. “Wake up.”

He stirred slightly, eyes heavy as he turned to look at her. “Fuck, V,” he muttered. “Thought you’d fuckin’ died again. Stop doing this to me.”

She managed a laugh, despite the pain that shot through her gut, and looked around the room. “Wait – we at Lizzie’s?”

“Yeah.”

“Shit. The Mox got a ripper on me?” She moved her hand down to the wound – it was raw but already healing. Not a bad job.

“Actually,” Johnny said as he sat up, “Judy called Viktor.”

“Vik? Shit…” She felt her face pale. “I’m gonna have to call him.”

“Probably should, yeah. Damn near had a heart attack when he saw me walk in.”

She pinched the bridge of her nose. “This isn’t how I wanted things to go. I should have called earlier.”

He stared at her. “Why didn’t you?”

“Dunno, just… Just didn’t wanna put them through more shit, y’know?” She laughed bitterly. “Guess I fucked that up, though.”

“They’re your friends, V. They’ll wanna help.” He took her hand in his, turning it over a couple of times, inspecting the cuts and scrapes acquired from her clambering over the rooftops.

She shook her head and stared at her chipped nails as a distraction from his touch. “Can’t believe Judy had to deal with this. Is she here?”

“Had to leave, but I told her to drop by Kerry’s at some point.” He paused. “Look V, you’re gonna have to start trusting your people.”

“I _do_ trust them,” she insisted, picking away at dried blood with her empty hand. How many showers was it gonna take to get this all off?

“Then let them help. Just ‘cause you dragged me back to the land of the living doesn’t mean I’m all you’ve got.”

_You’re all I want, though_ , she thought, her cheeks flushing red at her own musings. But he was right. She’d been too wrapped up getting stressed about everything. Hell, that was why they’d ended up stuck in her apartment for two weeks, instead of actually _doing_ anything – she’d been letting her fear rule her, and it had to stop. Of course her friends would have been worried. Of course they would want to _help_ her.

“Can we get outta here?” she sighed. “I need a shower.”

Johnny complied and helped her off the chair. She felt surprisingly sturdy on her feet, probably from being dosed with pain meds – certainly no worse than getting shot at. Still, Johnny hovered close to her all the same, his hand protectively resting on her back, and she _really_ didn’t want him to move away, so stayed quiet. If anything, it was difficult to resist leaning further into his touch. V made sure to thank Suzie as they passed through her office. The Mox were used to patching up girls, but usually for different reasons.

“Damn, V,” Suzie shook her head in bewilderment, then gestured towards Johnny with a chuckle. “Ha. Judy said to expect a Silverhand impersonator. Had no clue who she was on about, so I sent round a pic off the net.” She snickered again. “Half the girls haven’t stopped laughing since _he_ rolled up. You friends with this gonk?”

V just smiled knowingly as they headed outside. “Yeah. _Best_ friends.”

The Porsche came into view, parked out front at an awkward angle and covered in scrapes. She raised an eyebrow. Of course, Johnny would have sped to Lizzie’s as soon as Judy called, regardless of his apparent inability to drive. 

“C’mon,” he said, way too eager, “I’ll drive us.”

“I don’t think so,” V insisted. “Somehow I think me driving high on pain meds after being _stabbed_ is the safer option.”

She didn’t give him a chance to protest; she’d driven after being shot a hundred times, after all, so went ahead and slid into the driver’s seat and waited for him to reluctantly join her. This time, the drive to Kerry’s didn’t feel so detached from reality, but V remained bothered by how damn weak she felt. Was she even able to protect herself at this point? Would she ever be able to work again? Now on top of that, she had a stab wound to deal with… _Just great, V. You’re doing so fucking great._

Kerry choked on his drink as V walked into the villa. “What he fuck?” he yelled, jumping to his feet. “What happened to _you_?”

V looked down and realised just how much blood was on her. “Got stabbed,” she shrugged.

“Fuck. By Arasaka?”

“Kinda. By Takemura.”

“Takemura?” Kerry looked uncertain as he took another swig of beer. Right, he didn’t know who that was. V was way too tired to fill him in.

“Yeah. Probably knew we were here the whole time,” she sighed. “Not much point in us staying.”

“Sure there is,” Kerry protested. “At least I have security. I mean, your place is great, but you’d probably get stabbed a second time just leaving the building. By one of your neighbours, I mean.”

“True,” she sighed again, then indicated to her stained clothes. “Gonna get this crap off me.”

She felt Johnny trail after her, suspiciously quiet. He remained stood in the bedroom with his arms crossed as she disappeared into the bathroom. It hurt like hell getting her clothes off, the stitches in her gut threatening to tear with each movement, making it nearly impossible to stretch her arms upwards. Should she ask him to help her? Nah. Too weird. _Just don’t faint again_ , she told herself, focusing on the crimson water circling the drain as a distraction from the pain in her stomach.

By the time she was clean, V could barely stand to pull on a pair of underwear and a shirt; she was fucking exhausted. When was she not nowadays? She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror – still looked like shit, and her throat was covered in finger-shaped bruises. Definitely not the best look. Trudging back into the bedroom, she immediately flopping onto the bed. After a few minutes, Johnny laid down beside her, both on their sides looking at each other.

“I deserve the bed tonight,” she announced.

“Fair enough,” he chuckled, moving a strand of hair away from her eyes.

They continued to lay in silence for a while. It felt peaceful. It felt _right_.

“Spoke to Rogue,” he finally told her. “Said she’d ask around.”

“Finally, some good news.” She paused. Did she really want to ask? “How did things go between you?”

“She’s pissed, like you said, but Rogue was always pissed with me, so probably nothing to worry about.”

V nodded as she closed her eyes. Pissed they could work with. But would Rogue really be able to help? Should she even get her hopes up? “Johnny,” she murmured. “I’m fuckin’ scared.”

She felt his arm wrap round her and pull her into his chest. Being able to touch him, feel his warmth and the thump of his heart beneath her palm, was like nothing she’d ever felt before. She was safe here with him, for now. Safe enough to sleep.

* * *

“So did you finish this Takemura fucker off, then?” Kerry asked the next morning over breakfast. _Breakfast_ was probably too strong a word, considering it consisted of two-day-old leftover pizza and noodles, but V was too hungry to care. She wasn’t feeling much better than she had the night before, but at least she knew Rogue might get things moving and the pain in her gut was fading quickly. Besides, she had slept well for once – _with Johnny_ , which, despite now feeling kinda awkward, had been comforting. The whole thing was weird, though. She tried not to stare at him across the table – every time she did, he was already looking at her…

“Nah,” V said, shaking her head as she stabbed at her food with a knife. “Threw him off the freeway. Might have knocked him out, but no way he flatlined with the chrome he’s packing. I’ve fallen further without even breaking a bone.”

“Next time, he’s getting a bullet to the head,” Johnny grumbled. “In the meantime, we’ll stay here, hunker down until Rogue –“

“Holy shit!” Kerry pointing at the television.

V peered over her shoulder. The news anchor was as prim and proper as ever, blonde hair slicked back and confident gaze locked onto the camera. For once, V imagined nobody was paying attention to her at all, but the picture on the top right – of Hanako Arasaka. 

“What’s happening?” V asked. She listened intently as Kerry turned the volume up. “Holy shit – she’s awake?”

Kerry nodded. “Looks like it.”

“Shit!” she huffed, dropping her knife on the table and throwing her hands up in frustration. “Why the fuck didn’t they fix her up before I got _fucking stabbed_ in her honour?”

It wasn’t exactly surprising – Hanako likely had the best healthcare in the world. Trauma Team Platinum on steroids. In a way, V was glad. She’d had nothing against Hanako and, despite the fact she was an Arasaka, she seemed to be the most level-headed of the bunch. She hadn’t wanted her to die. But was her recovery gonna be good or bad for them?

“Does this mean you’re gonna get stabbed again?” Kerry asked with a smirk.

V shrugged. “Who the fuck knows? Don’t expect she’ll want me linking her back to her little coup. So she’ll either send a hit squad or leave me the fuck alone.”

“Won’t stop Takemura, though,” Johnny pointed out. He looked strangely subdued, his face devoid of emotion with arms crossed and legs stretched out under the table towards V. He was still _staring_ at her…

“It will if she tells him to stand down. No way he’d disobey the princess.”

Johnny raised an eyebrow. “And if she doesn’t?”

V sighed. “Then we’ll figure it out. Do what we gotta in the city, then delta.”

“Thought you loved Night City,” Kerry said. V saw him playfully kick Johnny under the table. The fuck were they doing?

“I do, but it keeps trying to kill me. Fuckin’ fed up with it.” She reached for a slice of pizza and looked at Johnny. “I called Panam before you woke up. She wants me back at camp.”

“No way,” he shook his head. He looked pissed even at the mention of it.

“Thought you’d say that,” she sighed. “Why the fuck not? What’s your problem with the Aldecaldos?”

“Just couldn’t seem to agree on anything. I wanted to take you straight to a city ripper, but they basically threatened to flatline me if I tried. You could have fuckin’ died ‘cause of them.”

“They did an alright job, though. Arm barely even hurts now.” To demonstrate, V outstretched her arm and flexed it.

“Sure, but they didn’t know what happened in Mikoshi.” He leaned on the table and glared at V. “Alt could have tried to murder you for all I knew.”

“But she technically did, right? Murder me, that is.”

“Well, yeah, I guess.” He shook his head. “Crazy bitch.”

“Who, Alt?”

“No – _you_. You asked her to.”

V leaned forward too and jabbed a finger in Johnny’s direction. “Actually, _you_ fuckin’ asked her to, remember?”

“Fucking hell,” Kerry interjected with a sigh. “Do you two need to fuck or something?”

They both stared at him wide-eyed.

“You high?” V asked.

“No,” Kerry said, “But from how you two are going on, you either wanna fuck or kill each other.”

Johnny jumped up and headed towards the front door. “C’mon V,” he demanded, “Kerry’s clearly fucked in the head.”

After a few seconds, V got up and followed him, taking a bite of pizza as she caught up. “Where are we going?”

“To see Misty. Better than sitting around waiting for Rogue, right?”

“I guess.” V looked down at her feet. She still didn’t want to drag anyone into her mess.

“C’mon, V,” he said, prodding her arm. “You said you’d stop hiding from your friends, right?”

“Technically, I never agreed,” she sighed, but knew he was right. All that avoiding people had done was make things worse. Could have gotten Judy killed for starters, and she certainly hadn’t wanted Vik to find out about Johnny the way he had. Time to face everyone head on. Back into the Porsche, another drive into the city, another go at correcting her mistakes – V wondered how many chances she’d have left with everyone before fucking up too badly.


	12. The Tower

The store echoed with the gentle chime of bells and smelled sweet with incense, a small piece of seclusion from the bright neon and suffocating noise of Night City. Standing there, V felt almost frozen in time, half expecting Jackie to walk in at any second to wrap Misty up in one of his bear hugs. Whenever things got tough out on biz, when the depths of inhumanity became too much and V found herself doubting that any love could ever exist in Night City, the memory of his smile whenever he saw Misty was enough to repel those thoughts. Grief wasn’t often a great foundation for any friendship, but the shared loss between V and Misty had become an impossible connection to break. They’d both loved and been loved by Jackie, and so loved each other in return, encouraging each other through their grief. V might have resigned herself to death right off the bat if it hadn’t been for Misty’s optimism, just laid in bed and waited to die or taken a nosedive off the megabuilding. But she hadn’t. And as she walked back into the store, and Misty bounded over from the counter with a squeal to cloak her in a tight hug, V knew she wouldn’t this time, either.

Of course, Misty also greeted Johnny with warmth, like an old friend rather than a stranger. At first, he had hung back awkwardly, arms folded, but Misty wasn’t having any of it and immediately tried to pull him over for a tarot reading.

“Maybe later, yeah?” V interjected. “Let’s call Vik up first.”

“Oh, yes!” Misty exclaimed excitedly, wiping at the streaks of mascara on her cheeks. V was struggling to choke down her own tears. “That would be perfect. He was worried sick about you – said you got stabbed!”

V winced. “I can imagine. Been feeling like crap for stressing you both out.”

Misty simply smiled as she messaged Viktor on her holo. “All that matters is that you’re here now – _both_ of you. Anyway, I knew you were okay. Did a spread for you everyday.”

Vik soon joined them in the shop. “Yesterday was rough, huh?” he sighed, somehow managing to get his own hug from V in between Misty’s. She noticed the cool look he shot Johnny, absent of hostility but heavy with uncertainty. At least neither of them had freaked out yet. Nor did they as she recounted the whole sorry tale of the raid, of finding Johnny in ‘Saka Tower, of the fact she was still sorta dying.

“Fuck, V,” Misty said, biting her lip. “What’re you gonna do?”

“We’re waiting to hear from Rogue,” she explained. “Johnny thinks she’ll –“

V paused as her holo buzzed. An unknown caller – weird.

“Who is it?” Misty asked, peering over V’s shoulder.

“Not sure,” she mumbled. “Hold on, I’ll answer out back.”

She squeezed Johnny’s hand as she passed him and headed down the alley past Vik’s clinic, lowering herself onto a step. A rustling from the nearby piles of trash made her jump for a minute, before she saw the tail of a cat poking out. V smiled and left the holo to bleep for a few more seconds before answering, then promptly nearly had a heart attack when she saw who exactly was calling her. 

“Hanako?” she spluttered. _What the hell?_ She composed herself as quickly as she could manage. “Not sending a doll this time, huh?”

“There is no need,” Hanako replied. Damn, she did _not_ look like she’d been in a coma for weeks. Her skin was perhaps a shade paler, but other than that looked as well put together as always. Her gaze was steady on V, expression unreadable. Made sense, of course – she’d had decades to perfect everything about herself, and that included making her thoughts impossible to anticipate to anyone but herself.

“You woke up this morning?” V asked, now uncertain that had been the case.

“Yes. I could not delay in calling you.”

“And why’s that?”

“I have been informed of what you did.” She paused. “I am disappointed, but not surprised considering the instability of the engram. And, unfortunately, I remain in need of your help.”

Wait, did she think that Johnny had made her turn down her offer? That _he’d_ made her attack Arasaka? _Not surprising_ , V thought. Johnny didn’t have the best reputation, and nobody seemed to have the first clue how the chip worked. _Best to let her keep thinking that for now_.

V raised an eyebrow. “Really? Want my help? After what happened?”

Hanako nodded. “Things are changing quickly, V.”

“So, is this about Yorinobu still?”

“Not exactly. Perhaps eventually, but for now I need to consolidate my own position.” She lowered her voice ever so slightly, barely noticeable. “I am not safe, V. There are wolves in my home.”

“Speaking of wolves,” V said, “Takemura tried to flatline me yesterday. Stabbed me in the gut.”

Hanako nodded again. “This has been discussed. I have had communication with him. You must understand, V. His honour would not tolerate your transgression – but I have the power to forgive it, if you accept my conditions.”

 _Ah, of course_. _Conditions._ This was way too familiar – felt like any old day at Arasaka, full of games and backstabbing. The trick was to figure out whether someone posed a simple inconvenience, or if they held a deadly hand. “And what conditions are those?” V asked, feeling her inner corpo clawing out of its hole.

“I am in need of your services. Someone outside of Arasaka to act on my behalf. Someone my enemies could never expect.”

What exactly did that mean, though? Assassination? Subterfuge? V didn’t like the sound of it either way.

“No way,” V said. “I don’t work for corps anymore.”

Hanako wasn’t about to settle with her answer. “But that is where you belong,” she countered. “I have seen your records, been told of your skills. Do you really believe that your place is not here, at Arasaka? If you do this, and do it well, you will have a place here again, an elevated position under my charge. Is that not what you want?”

V couldn’t tell if Hanako was a liar or simply deluded. She certainly knew how to play the game well. A while ago, it might have worked. The old V would have jumped at the chance. But now? She’d rather fill her brain with lead than go back to Arasaka. Even the thought of it made her feel sick with dread. Still, this was a game she had to play, and play it carefully. Figure out what Hanako was prepared to do.

“I’ll think about it,” she finally replied. “But I feel like this isn’t a request.”

Hanako smiled. “I cannot force you. And I have more important goals right now than revenge. I must protect my family, above all else.”

Another lie, that much was obvious. If she said no to this, she’d forever be watching over her shoulder. Arasaka would hunt her to the ends of the earth. But how could she keep them off her back without agreeing?”

“I worked hard to get where I did at Arasaka,” V said, choosing her words with care and caution. “And I can work hard to get there again. But I need some time to get my things in order.”

Hanako seemed satisfied. “I am glad to hear it, V. Please, call me again after you have considered my offer. In the meantime, you need not worry about Arasaka, or Takemura.”

V nodded and hung up. Fuck. This was the last thing she needed – fucking Arasaka trying to rope her back in with their deadly, empty promises and corpo bullshit. But it seemed her feigned openness had bought them some time. This would put them on an even shorter time limit, though – she and Johnny needed to be long gone before the offer expired. Or maybe V would be dead by then, and it wouldn’t matter anyway. 

Before she had only one rogue agent to deal with, but now potentially the whole of Arasaka. Or at least the princess herself. Just great.

 _Fuck Arasaka_. _Fuck Night City._

* * *

As soon as V disappeared into the alley, Misty pulled Johnny back over to the counter, insisting on that tarot reading. Johnny wasn’t really into that esoteric crap, but could tell there was no discouraging the woman, and figured he should try to stay on everyone’s good side for now; V would be pissed if he made all her friends hate him _too_ quickly.

“This is exciting,” Misty mused as she shuffled the cards. “Bet your spread is gonna be interesting.”

“Probably,” Johnny agreed, shooting her a charming smile. “I’m a pretty interesting guy.”

He heard Viktor scoff from his seat in the corner _. Fair enough_.

“First card!” Misty announced. “The Tower, reversed.”

“Is that good?”

“Hmm. Looks like you’ve been going through a personal transformation of sorts.” She smiled at him. “Sounds about right, huh?”

“I guess,” he shrugged, completely disinterested. He’d had an output like Misty once, into all the spiritual bullshit. Had done his last fucking nerve in. But he had to admit, there was something he liked about Misty. She’d managed to keep V chugging along, at the very least.

“The Fool, upright,” she said next. “Well, that makes sense. This is your new beginning, a second chance at life.”

Johnny waited for the third card.

Misty smirked as she stared at her draw.

“What is it?” he asked impatiently.

The smirk didn’t disappear. “The Lovers,” she said, moving away from the counter. “I’ll have to do one for V, too.”

He glanced towards the back door. “I should probably go see where she is. Not about to let her get stabbed again.”

“Don’t worry,” Viktor said, “I’ll get her some new pills to keep her strength up for now. Shouldn’t be a problem.”

Johnny nodded but headed outside all the same. Her voice echoed from further down the alley. Lingering by the edge of the wall, he strained to listen, curious as to who the mysterious caller was.

“ _I cannot force you. And I have more important goals right now than revenge. I must protect my family, above all else_.”

Did he recognise that voice? Fuck, it was hard figuring all this shit out – nothing sounded quite the same through his own ears, or looked the same through his own eyes. He’d been to some places a hundred times with V, but still felt he’d only ever seen them through his dreams. Other times, places were so vivid and familiar he could scarcely believe he’d never actually been to them before.

“I worked hard to get where I did at Arasaka,” V replied. Her voice was slow, thoughtful and calculated. “And I can work hard to get there again. But I need some time.”

What the fuck was she talking about?

_“I am glad to hear it, V. Please, call me again after you have considered my offer. In the meantime, you need not worry about Arasaka, or Takemura.”_

Shit. Of course he knew that voice – Hanako, the fucking queen of corpo-cunts herself. He quickly headed back inside, the thoughts in his mind turning over each other quickly. What the hell was V saying? That she would go back to Arasaka? Johnny felt his stomach knot and he his breathing quicken. Maybe Judy had been right, that he didn’t really know her at all. _Can’t take the corp outta the corpo_. He’d always known it, had admonished her for it a hundred fucking times before he got over her past, but never thought she actually would… _Fuck_. So, what, she was just gonna up and leave, crawl back to ‘Saka? Is that what she’d wanted this whole time?

“Everything alright?” Misty asked.

“Yeah, yeah,” Johnny insisted, clenching his fists. He needed to get the fuck outta there. Felt like he couldn’t breathe. Besides, V didn’t need to worry about Arasaka flatlining her anymore – she was jumping right back into bed with the fuckers. What did she need him for?

“Gonna grab a smoke,” he added, heading out the front door and turning down the street. Had no fucking clue where he was going, or what he wanted. _Fuck_ , he wanted to scream. Punch the shit out of something – or someone. He stormed down the winding streets, his anger growing with each step, unable to think clear enough to get himself to stop. She was gonna go back to Arasaka, just like that? Didn’t even seem to give him a second thought, whilst there he was pining after her like a damn gonk.

The neon lights of a bar caught his attention. _Perfect_ , Johnny thought, wasting no time in ordering several shots of tequila.

“Fuck,” he muttered, “Just gimme the damn bottle.”

The bartender complied. “Damn, what’s gotten you so worked up? Your girl piss you off?”

“Could say that.” He grabbed the bottle and tossed whatever eddies he had in his jacket on the bar. Fuck Arasaka, and fuck V. He couldn’t stand this feeling in his chest, how much he ached to be near her every damn minute of the day. And there she was, not giving a shit. What the fuck was he supposed to do? _Get wasted_ , he thought. _That’s a good start_.


	13. The Fool

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for all the amazing comments! Reading them makes my day <3 Hope everyone enjoys this chapter!

V could hardly contain the buzz of her thoughts as she headed back into the store. What the fuck was Hanako’s game? It was impossible to tell with such limited information, although she had certainly seemed genuinely nervous, so _something_ was up. Was there even any point in trying to outsmart Arasaka, or should they just delta out of Night City right away? They could get a bus within the next hour, or go to the nomads…

V paused. “Where’s Johnny?” she asked Misty.

Misty shrugged. “Went out for a smoke after checking up on you.”

Her breath caught in her throat. “What?”

“Came back looking all fidgety. Everything alright, V?”

_Fuck_. Had he heard her on the holo? He must have done… V felt her heart drop in her chest as she headed out into the street, looking up and down. He was nowhere in sight.

“Shit,” she muttered. The last thing she’d wanted was for him to overhear her corpo-bitch façade. Johnny wasn’t exactly forgiving of people who played into that bullshit. But surely he knew it was all an act, right? That she wasn’t actually like that anymore? She thought back to what Hanako said… Maybe she was kidding herself, that she _was_ still that person, and Johnny had just seen through to her rotten core.

“What’s up?” Vik asked from the doorway.

“Nothing,” she quickly insisted. Perhaps _too_ quickly. “Got an… interesting call. Think it pissed him off is all.”

Vik frowned and crossed his arms. “So, what, he stormed off?”

V shrugged. Who knew what the fuck Johnny was thinking? He wasn’t exactly known for dealing with shit in a… _mature_ way. And if he thought she was running back to Arasaka, his reaction was _not_ gonna be pretty.

Vik seemed to read her mind. “Closest bar is that way,” he offered, pointing down towards the side streets to the left.

“Thanks…” she murmured absent-mindedly. “I’ll come by later, okay? Need to get my chrome looked at properly.”

V promptly headed off, but the streets on this side of the megabuilding weren’t overly familiar to her, a winding fortress of concrete filled with prowling Tygers. V wandered for twenty minutes before she finally spotted the bar nestled away on the corner, seedy and cheap, its dirty walls splattered with dried blood and peppered with poorly repaired bullet holes.

“Hey!” she called over to the bartender from the open front door. He looked almost as greasy as the bar did. “You see a Johnny Silverhand lookalike come in here?”

The bartender chuckled. “Fuck, thought I’d recognised him. My old man fuckin’ _loved_ Samurai.”

V impatiently folded her arms. “So where is he, then?”

“Came in, downed a bottle of tequila, and stumbled out,” he shrugged. “You the girl who pissed him off?”

A _whole_ bottle? Damn, Johnny worked fast. “The fuck you talkin’ about, choom?”

“Looked like he had girl problems is all.”

V rolled her eyes and looked up and down the street. Where the hell had he gone? Stumbling around Little China blackout drunk was a sure way to get himself killed or snatched by scavs. Johnny thought he was indestructible and, sure, maybe he sorta had been in the 2020s – for a time, at least – but he didn’t know how out of his depth he was in modern Watson. Somehow, Night City was even more of a shithole than it had been fifty years ago.

She turned and went back into the bar.

“Hey!” she shouted again. “Which way did he go?”

The bartender pointed over his shoulder. “Left about five minutes ago. Don’t think he would have gone far, could barely stand.”

V nodded and trailed down the street, scanner alert for any clues. A discarded cigarette, maybe, or –

“ _I’ll fucking kill you!”_

Or his _voice_. V hurried further down the street and turned into an alley, stopping suddenly at the sight of Johnny drunkenly taking on a group of Tygers. Somehow, he had gained the upper hand, looming over a kid splayed across the ground, landing punch after punch. V’s hand flicked towards her pistol as she saw the others advancing with katanas and tantos at the ready. Thankfully, one thing that _hadn’t_ suffered from all the bullshit of the last few weeks was her aim; she easily took them out without missing a beat, and ran over to grab Johnny, pulling him off the unconscious Tyger.

“ _Johnny_!” she yelled, wresting him away from the teenager. “What the _fuck_ do you think you’re doing? You’ll kill the little shit. He’s just a _kid_ , calm down.”

He pushed her away. “Get off me, cunt,” he growled, turning on his heel.

V stood in shock for a moment and watched him try to stumble away. He’d never spoken to her with so much venom before. So much hatred.

She stepped over the Tyger and took his arm again. “Johnny…”

“Fuck off, V,” he snapped, turning to push her again, harder this time, right in the stomach – right in the _fucking stitches_. White light and dancing stars quickly flooded her vision, the breath snatched out of her.

“Fuck,” she groaned through the pain, trying her best to stay upright and not trip over the body behind her. Wasn’t much use, though – her legs wavered, and she was forced to steady herself against the wall, instinctively clasping her hand over the wound. Warmth flooded across her fingers. _Shit. Bleeding again_.

Johnny’s expression softened as he realised what had happened. “V…” he slurred, reaching towards her.

“Don’t fuckin’ touch me again, Silverhand,” she warned through gritted teeth, recoiling from him.

He ignored her and reached again for her stomach, but she quickly snatched at his arm, fingers clasped over his tattoos. “You think I won’t break it, huh?” she hissed, pressing hard before shoving him backwards, leaving a streek of her blood across his skin. He fell backwards and struggled to stand again, drunk out of his mind.

“Fuck, V, I didn’t mean to –“

“What’s your fucking problem, Johnny?” she interrupted, voice raised. Fuck, she couldn’t breathe.

He glared at her. “My _fucking problem_ is that you’re makin’ plans to run back to the goddamn corp. Can’t let it go, huh? Should have fuckin’ guessed.”

“So that _is_ what this is about,” she huffed, back pressed against the wall. “You didn’t think to ask me before running off and binging? Is that how you solve _everything_?”

He was silent.

“Yeah, ‘course it is. You think I’d go back to them, huh? After everything?” She was shouting now, fishing around in her jacket for an air hypo. “After seeing they did to you? Fuck, Johnny, I’m not the one here who ditches _every fucking person_ they care about. Don’t put your fuckin’ shit on me.”

“Not gonna do that to you, V. And you should fuckin’ _know_ that by now.” He stepped forward and roughly took the hypo from her shaking hands, jabbing it roughly into her stomach and tossing it on the ground.

She took a deep breath as the pain began to subside. “Then why do you think I’m gonna do that to _you_?”

“Was just scared you’d…” He trailed off with a sigh. 

V held onto his arm and gave it a squeeze. “Look at me, Johnny. I _hate_ Arasaka. But I need to play Hanako’s game if we’re gonna fix me up without getting jumped every two fuckin’ minutes.”

He stared at her. “So you’re not going back?”

V let out a heavy sigh. “’Course I’m not, you gonk.”

His hand drifted back over to her stomach. “Fuck, V. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“I know,” she said carefully, still wincing slightly. “But this ain’t how things are gonna go. Every time you get pissed, you can’t go running off to get drunk and split my fucking stitches open.”

“I’m a fucking gonk.” His breathing quickened as he leant his forehead on V’s shoulder. “Said I’d be better. _Promised_ I’d be better.”

She patted his back. V knew first-hand that this shit wasn’t easy. She’d damn near killed herself drinking before joining Arasaka, and it hadn’t been easy to cut back. There’d been plenty of nights something fucked up happened and she’d found herself binging again. “This is the second time you’ve split my stitches now,” she teased, though her tone carried a hint of seriousness. “Remember? After Konpeki Plaza?”

He groaned. “Wish I could fuckin’ forget it. Tore myself up about that for ages.”

“Really?” V was surprised. She’d assumed it had never crossed his mind again, except for that one time he’d brought it up at Judy’s, which had been weird enough coming from him.

“V…” He sounded like he was about to say something important, but didn’t have the chance, instead vomiting down the front of V’s chest.

“Okay, okay,” she sighed with a grimace, letting him slump onto her again when he’d finished. “Just preem, Johnny. Thanks a fucking bunch.”

“ _Fuck_ ,” he grumbled.

V shifted her weight to hold him up, doing her best to ignore the stench of tequila and stomach acid wafting up her nose. If it wasn’t for the painkillers, they’d both be hunkering down to spend the next few hours slumped in the alley with three corpses and concussed teenager. “C’mon,” she said. “Car’s this way.”

They stumbled back through the winding streets, heads pressed together as V did her best to support him. She felt wave after wave of guilt rush over her – but it wasn’t her own, nor were the images flashing through her mind. Images of him noticing the blood on her hand minutes before, of watching her cry in bed after that godforsaken heist, of holding her as she slept the night before. _Strange_ , she thought, _why couldn’t I see anything before_? The pictures made her feel fuzzy inside, a tingling warmth that spread through her chest and stomach. _Is that me,_ she wondered, her heart jumping, _or him?_

* * *

V had hoped Kerry would bite his tongue as they shambled past him, but clearly the sight of her covered in vomit and holding up a half-conscious Johnny was too much.

“What is it with you two?” Kerry groaned. “Always somethin’ going on.”

She rolled her eyes. “You know what he’s like.” And Kerry did know. She’d seen it all in Johnny’s memories – the two of them arguing after damn near every gig, the fist fighting, the weeklong binges. Thing was, she’d hoped Johnny had left it all in the past. And from the surges of guilt still seeping into her, he’d thought so too.

V dropped Johnny onto the bed and immediately pulled her drenched top off, throwing it a look of disgust as she tossed it into the corner of the room. She stood in her bra feeling gross as shit, watching him roll onto his side. _Fucking gonk_ , she thought, moving forward to sit on the edge of the bed and pull his shoes off.

“V…” he murmured through closed eyes, “What’s your favourite colour?”

“What?”

He continued to mumble unintelligibly. “Judy said… I don’t know…”

She laughed. “You were in my fuckin’ brain all that time. Couldn’t have just looked?” She paused, then added, “Yellow. It’s yellow.”

He let out a satisfied hum and quickly began snoring.

V sat with him for a moment, staring at his face, the shape of his features now almost as familiar as her own. As he slept, all of his complicated feelings faded from V’s mind, the images gone, and hers were allowed to return. Despite everything, she couldn’t feel angry. Sad, sure, but not angry. Not at his binging, not at her stitches being split, not at any of it. Of course, she _wanted_ to be mad – he hadn’t trusted her, and he’d hurt her. But that damn mental lifeline between them made it too hard, made her understand him a little too well. Still, this was something they’d have to talk about when he was sober. No way could he let himself fall back into that dark pit. Not if V could help it.

She grimaced as the shower washed the vomit off her and thought back to what Judy had asked, when she’d gone to her before Mikoshi. _Do you love him_ … Yeah, that _was_ the question. Love felt like a weird word when thinking of Johnny. A part of her still couldn’t believe he might be think of her that way – he’d told her she wasn’t his type, after all, in jest despite the words cutting her deep – but they weren’t exactly friends either, right? What sorta friends slept in each others arms? Or ran off to binge drink over a fucking misunderstanding? They’d been joined at the hip since Mikoshi, and it wasn’t just ‘cause of how weird being separated felt. They actually _liked_ each other. V just couldn’t tell how much, at least from Johnny’s end, and it was driving her insane.

She dressed again and decided to leave him to sleep off the tequila, heading back into the main house to join Kerry. What did he even get up to all day? Looked like he was writing music, or working on a riff at least, a guitar resting in his lap as he leaned over a well-used notebook. V smiled, relieved that Johnny being back and the two of them constantly dragging their drunk or half-dead asses through his house hadn’t fucked everything up for him. She walked past and felt her gaze tug her towards the grand piano. Damn, she hadn’t played one of those things in years. Wasn’t even sure she still could. _Of course you can_ , she thought. _You were the fucking best_. She let her legs carry her over and trailed her fingers across they keys.

“You play?” Kerry piqued up.

“Mm,” V mused. “Used to. Was real good, too.”

She sat down, fingers still on the keys, and glanced at the Samurai records on the wall, just as she had the day they’d arrived. _Never Fade Away_. Johnny’d said if he had to pick a favourite, that would be it, and V had to agree. The melodic tone was a change from the rawness of Johnny’s usual unrestrained anger, and through it she could hear a glimpse of that softer side of him she’d come to know.

V plucked a few keys and let each note come back to her. She’d had the best tutors her parents could afford as a kid, had played perfectly by ear before turning twelve and won no less than a dozen awards. Quietly humming the tune under her breath, she clumsily played through the first few verses and the chorus. _Not bad_ , she thought, and played again – and again. It felt freeing, somehow, revisiting this part of herself. It had been locked away for so long in favour of guns and subterfuge, a shameful representation of the life she’d left behind. Her playing became more complex, slower and sweeter, not unlike a classical piece, and her humming transformed into quiet singing. Yeah, V had missed this. Maybe not all of Johnny’s personality had been a bad influence.

“Damn, V,” Kerry said, clapping enthusiastically and shooting her a grin. “Pretty good. Will have to get you to play on my next album.”

She laughed. “Yeah, think I’d fit right in as a rock star. Learned from the best.”

Kerry leaned next to her. “Listen V… Be careful with Johnny.”

That came out of nowhere. She raised an eyebrow. “Uh huh?”

“You do that dragging his ass back here?” Kerry asked, gesturing towards V’s messy stitches. Thankfully, the wound had healed enough already, and the tearing hadn’t been too bad. No need to bother Vik again with her bullshit.

“Kinda, yeah.” She looked down at her hands on the keys.

“I know he cares about you,” Kerry continued, shaking his head in disapproval, “And doesn’t wanna fuck his second chance up. But… I dunno, V. He’s his own worst enemy.”

V nodded. Of course, Kerry was right. It wasn’t something she denied about Johnny. But there was still that feeling in her chest whenever she thought about him… There was no way she could put this conversation off any longer, or she’d go insane, but neither of them were very good at talking about their feelings.

“I hear you,” she replied. “I’ll be careful.”

“Good.” Kerry hopped back over to the couch. “Hey, how about I show you some recordings of our old shows, huh? Don’t think you’ve ever seen any.”

V smiled. “Sounds good,” she said, taking the place next to him and pulling her legs up, once again grateful for any small act of normality.


	14. The Lovers

“Hey!” Johnny called out loudly. “Wake up, bitches.”

V groaned and opened her eyes, far too comfortable and groggy to move from Kerry’s shoulder. It was dark outside, and the Samurai logo left on the screen filled the room with a deep red glow. V glanced towards the windows at the dancing neon lights of Night City. It was strange, this distance – quiet. No city traffic, no shots ringing out or sirens blaring. Just silence. 

“Shut up,” she complained, “We’re sleeping.”

“ _Kerry_!” Johnny shouted. This time, Kerry jolted awake, momentarily startled before melting back into the couch.

“What d’ya want, huh?” Kerry asked, resting his head on top of V’s.

Johnny jabbed a finger towards her. “Need to talk to V.”

She playfully wrapped her arms around Kerry, who threw Johnny a mischievous smirk as he returned the gesture. “Maybe I don’t wanna talk to you,” she teased. “Comfy enough here.”

Johnny rolled his eyes and stepped forward to pull her up. She groaned again. “C’mon, Johnny, I’m fuckin’ exhausted.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he dismissed her, “That’ll have to wait.”

He led her back down to their room and awkwardly pointed at a tiny bag on the bed. “That’s for you,” he announced.

“Huh?” V frowned. “When did you go out?”

His expression was blank and rigid. “Like an hour ago. You and Kerry were asleep when I woke up.”

“Are you jealous or somethin’?” V chuckled. “Scared I’m stealing Kerry from you?”

“Nah.” He paused and crossed his arms. “Fuck, just open it.”

“Wait, wait,” she insisted, “Did you _drive_?”

He blinked at her. “Yeah?”

“Uh… How did _that_ go?”

“Went fine,” he shrugged nonchalantly. “Only crashed twice.”

V winced but figured it battle wasn’t worth fighting; Johnny could do whatever the hell he wanted. Wouldn’t be _her_ fault when he got totalled. She moved forward to grab the bag and emptied its contents into her hand, turning the little bottles around in her palm – yellow and black nail polish. “You got this for me?” she asked, confused. 

“Yeah,” he said, averting his gaze, “From Japantown. Vendor said they’re good ones, so if they’re shit you can’t blame me. Bitch kept trying to push these weird-ass glowing ones on me, but figured you’re clumsy enough. Don’t need you glowing in the dark, too.”

“I’m not clumsy,” she insisted with a smile. “Just dying.”

He shook his head, arms still crossed and leaning slightly to the side. “Clumsiest bitch I’ve ever met.”

“Well, _thanks_.” She had to admit, she was surprised by him. Of course, he couldn’t quite manage to be outright _nice_ to her. That just wasn’t how Johnny worked. But she knew him well enough to see the implicit meaning behind his words.

“But, y’know,” she added, “This reminds me of this real gonk of a boyfriend I had. Whenever he’d cheat on me, he’d get me a new gun or some other shit to smooth things over. Was a real nightmare.”

“Uh huh?” He stared at her blankly.

“That how things gonna be?” she asked. “You get blackout drunk and punch my stiches open, but it’s cool ‘cause you buy somethin’ nice?”

Johnny sighed and rolled his eyes. “Ain’t like that. Just went out to clear my head, saw this shit and…” He trailed off with another huff, then added, “Anyway, I’m not your fuckin’ boyfriend, so it’s different.”

Another stupid pang to the heart. But this time, V felt more uncertain. Maybe she was delusional, but it seemed like something was going on. That he was trying to say _something_. She raised an eyebrow at him. “You’re not? Flew off the handle big time earlier.”

“Not proud of it, V.”

“I know you’re not.” She tapped the side of her head. “Could feel it.”

He groaned and started pacing. “Wish I was still in your head. Didn’t need to say all this crap out loud before.”

“Well, you’re not,” she pointed out, frustrated. “Y’know, when I called Panam earlier… Got me thinkin’ about some things.”

“About what? She say somethin’?”

“Said alotta things. Mainly asked why I wouldn’t come back to camp without you. Had me confused as fuck for a moment, but she had a point.” V paused for a moment, choosing her next words carefully. “We don’t share a body anymore. We don’t need to go everywhere together. I mean, I _want_ to, but I don’t want you feelin’ stuck with me either. So, if you wanna go, do your own thing…”

“You really think that, V?” he snapped. “After what happened earlier? Think it’s pretty goddamn clear I can’t stand the thought of that.”

“You know that’s not what I said,” she sighed. “You keep sayin’ shit like that and it’s only gettin’ me more confused.”

Johnny stopped pacing for a second and looked her straight in the eye. “It’s not difficult to confuse you, V.”

“ _Shut up_.” She stepped closer to him, growing increasingly annoyed. Was he being intentionally flippant? Trying to piss her off? “You say a whole bunch of fucking shit without actually saying anything at all. Just talkin’ in circles, driving me crazy.”

“Oh, c’mon, can’t bother you too much. Only reason you have me here is ‘cause you needed my help. ‘Cause you were too scared to face this by yourself.”

“How can you say that?” she demanded, anger flaring inside her like fire. “You don’t fuckin’ get it, do you? How much I needed you? And not just for your _help_. I damn near woulda done _anything_ in that tower if it meant saving you.”

“We both knew how it meant to end, V.” _Fuck_. She hated how calm he was. Where was that stupid anger she’d seen so much of? Why was _she_ the only one pissed off?

V began to yell. “And I fucking _hated_ it. Felt _sick_ over it. Wasn’t gonna leave you behind. I _couldn’t_. You have any idea how much it tore me up, knowing I was gonna be walkin’ outta there without you? What the fuck do you want from me, Johnny? Can’t you just –“

“Fuck’s sake, V,” he interrupted, striding forward to close the gap between them and cupping her face in his hands, his movement urgent, like he was acting without thinking. She felt the urge to jump back, but he didn’t give her the chance, quickly planting his lips on hers. V froze, shocked, but was quickly kissing him back, her heart racing and skin boiling. How many times had she thought about this? Too many. This _had_ to be too good to be true – she forced herself to pull away, desperate for some clarity from him.

“What the _fuck_ was that?” she demanded, trying to stop herself from shaking.

“Oh my God,” Johnny groaned, throwing his head back. “You really are the dumbest fucking bitch in Night City.”

“ _What?_ ”

He was pacing again. “I fuckin’ kiss you and you _still_ don’t know what’s going on?”

She felt overwhelmed. Lightheaded. No way was this what she thought. It didn’t make any sense. But it also made all the sense in the world. “The fuck you on about?” V accused, feeling like a cornered wild animal. “You said you weren’t into me, remember? That I wasn’t your type!”

“Y’know I lie, like, a lot. Right?” he smirked. What the fuck could possibly be so funny about this?

She glared at him, folding her arms over her chest. “You said you wouldn’t lie to me.”

“Yeah, well, I did. About that, anyway.” He paused as she continued to glare. “What the fuck was I supposed to say, V? Sorry I’m killing you and, hey, not even alive anyway, but think I might be into you?”

“Woulda been a good place to start,” she grumbled, slumping onto the couch and pulling her knees up to rest her chin on. Her mind was racing, still trying to make sense of what he was saying.

“I’ve fucked up, haven’t I?”

V looked over at him. He stood still, a defeated expression on his face that made her chest ache. “No,” she insisted, “I’m just thinking.

He crouched down in front of her and slowly placed a hand on her forearm, like he was scared to touch her. “About…?”

She took a deep breath. “Still don’t know what you want, Johnny.”

“Fuck’s sake.” He shook his head at her again, voice low with bewilderment and impatience. “Clearly, I want _you_ , V. What’s so hard to understand? You’re killin’ me over here.”

V blinked. “You mean, like, you wanna hook up?”

He put his face in his hands and sucked in a deep breath. She could feel the impatience rolling off him. “ _Fuck_. How am I the most emotionally adjusted outta the both of us right now? You know I don’t say this mushy shit out loud.”

“Neither,” she murmured, “But think we’re gonna have to.”

He sighed again, placing a hand on her cheek. “V… _Valerie_. I want to be _with_ you. I fuckin’ love you. Think I’d still be here if I didn’t?”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “I dunno, _Robert_. Would you?”

“C’mon, you can’t call me that,” he cringed, although V noticed a laugh tug at the corners of his mouth.

“But you can call me Valerie?”

“Think I know you well enough.”

She hummed disapprovingly but let it go. They sat in silence for a moment as the adrenaline left her. “Johnny, if we’re gonna do this…”

“I know,” he said, pressing his forehead to hers. “I’ll try my damn hardest for you, V. I won’t fuck this up. I really fucking hate myself for this mornin’.”

She let out a small laugh. She felt giddy, like she was a teenager again, head over heels. “Was worried you already knew,” she said, “That you were making fun of me or somethin’.”

“Knew what?”

V felt heat flush to her cheeks. “You really couldn’t tell all this time? Being in my head and all?”

“Couldn’t read everything about you,” he explained, gesturing for her to lower her legs so he could inch closer to her face. “Some memories – some thoughts – were locked up tight. I mean, I _coulda_ looked, but didn’t think that was fair.”

“Johnny…” she murmured, lips grazing his. “I love you too. Have done for a while now.”

The words felt weird to say. She hadn’t expressed her love for anyone out loud in years, and the last person she’d expected to break that streak was Johnny Silverhand. But he didn’t give her much chance to think on it, pulling her into another kiss. She could feel their unrestrained desperation for each other, a mutual hunger, yet also a deep tenderness that she’d hardly expected from him.

“Wait,” he said, pulling back to stare at her. “This wasn’t a thing at the oil fields, was it?”

She felt her face flush again. “Uh… Yeah? Why?”

He laughed. “Felt you go all weird for a moment, but had no fucking clue why. Thought I just caught you off guard gettin’ all serious and shit. Makes sense now.”

She sighed and buried her face in his shoulder, embarrassed.

“Liked seeing me all sad, huh?” he teased. “You wanna fix me, V?”

She tutted at him. “Have no interest in that. Couldn’t even if I did, Johnny,” she said. “That night… I saw _you_. Not the stupid rockerboy persona, but the real Johnny. And I loved him.”

Johnny sighed. “Damn. Coulda saved ourselves a lot of trouble if we’d just…”

“Talked to each other?” V scoffed. “Nah. Imagine how fucked up things woulda been. I mean, you said it yourself – you were dead, Johnny.”

He moved his arms up the outside of her legs to rest of her waist. V became more and more conscious of his hands on her, the open intimacy exciting but strange with its newness. She leaned forwards to kiss him again and felt him smile against her lips. In that moment, it was impossible to believe that she’d ever kissed anybody else in her life.

“V,” he murmured, pulling back ever so slightly. “You’re bleeding again.”

“Shit.” She looked down at her stomach, but it was clean.

“Nose,” he pointed at her face.

She lifted her hand and let out a groan as she jumped up and headed into the bathroom, pulling him close behind her, not wanting him out of her sight. He stood behind her as she leaned over the sink, arms wrapped round her waist and chin nestled onto her shoulder. He watched her intently with silent concern in his eyes.

“ _Shit_ ,” she snapped in frustration. “This one ain’t stopping.”

As the words left her mouth, the room started spinning once again and she gripped the edge of the sink. Fuck, her head hurt. _Everything_ hurt. Johnny immediately noticed the change in her.

“I’ve got you,” he said, holding her upright. She managed for a few more moments before shaking her head in defeat, so he scooped her up off the floor and carried her to the bed, holding the towel against her face.

“Fucking hell, V,” he joked. “If this is what I do to you, this definitely ain’t gonna work.”

She managed a strained laugh, but felt panic creeping inside her. She was too scared to close her eyes. What if she never opened them again? What if Alt had fucked up and she had nowhere close to six months left? V looked up at Johnny, feeling the sadness in her eyes. “I’m gonna die, aren’t I?” she whispered through the lump forming in her throat. “Five fucking months…”

“Hey…” He placed his hand on her cheek, gently turning her face to look at him as he lay beside her. “Don’t talk like that. We’ll fix this.”

She felt the wetness of tears on her cheeks. “I dunno anymore. Maybe we need to really think about this. Accept it.”

“Stop it, V.”

“I just… I don’t wanna spend my last few months fightin’ and it all be for nothing. Just a massive fucking waste.”

Johnny kissed her on the forehead. “Won’t be like that. Let’s just wait for Rogue. I know she’ll pull through, okay? Don’t give up on me. That ain’t like you.”

V nodded reluctantly. She wasn’t ready to give up just yet, but now that she had Johnny… Felt like things were _too_ good. Things only ever got messed up in V’s life, so it made sense that everything she had would come crashing down soon. What better way than for her to fucking die, right? “And what will we do until then?” she asked.

“Whatever you want.”

V thought for a moment. “I want to go home.”

Johnny looked at her steadily. “You sure? You won’t freak out again and keep us locked up for weeks?”

She nodded. “I mean, I love Kerry, but I wanna feel like a normal person again. And now that Arasaka isn’t on our backs, I don’t see why not.”

“Yeah, alright,” Johnny contended with a nod. “Tomorrow.”

She was surprised again by his reply, expecting more than his fair share of push back. “Yeah? Just like that?”

“If that’s what you want,” he shrugged. “Just… don’t promise Panam anything for now, okay? Don’t wanna think about that for now.”

“Alright,” she agreed. “You ever gonna tell me what’s actually going on with the nomads?”

“I dunno, V. Just think our best chances are in NC for now. Feel it in my gut.”

She nodded. He was probably right. It was hard to believe that the answer could be anywhere but Night City.

“How you feelin’ now?” he asked.

“Better. Shit ain’t spinning anymore.” She tentatively checked the towel. “Bleeding’s stopped, too. Not dying today, I don’t think.”

“Let’s be honest, V, you’d have died a hundred times by now if it weren’t for me,” he said with a grin. She rolled her eyes and moved to sit up, but he playfully grabbed her and rolled onto his back, pulling her on top of him.

“Hey!” she protested with a giggle. Fuck, the way he was looking at her… She leaned forward and kissed him hard, passionately. Had she ever wanted anyone so much? A pain shot through her head again and she winced.

“Still hurting?” he asked, holding her face.

“A bit,” she sighed. “Vik said he’d get me some pills. Hopefully they’ll help.”

Johnny nodded. “We’ll pick ‘em up tomorrow. No need to rush things, V.”

After a moment to collect herself, she jumped up, ignoring how unstable she felt on her feet. “I have an idea,” V announced.

“Yeah?”

“Sit up,” she instructed, grabbing the bottles of nail polish. He did as she said, and she crawled in between his legs so her back was resting against his chest. “Gimme your hand. ‘Ganic one, I mean.”

“You seriously gonna paint my nails?”

“Yup. We can match.”

He nuzzled his face into her neck and hair as she painted, his breath sending shivers down her spine. “You using both colours?” he asked.

“Mmhm. Yellow on the ring finger.” It didn’t take long for her to finish, then started on her own. “Let it dry.”

Johnny held his hand up to inspect it. “Huh. Not bad.”

After she was done on her own nails, she wrapped his arms around her and closed her eyes. She felt at peace. Was everyday gonna be like this? There was still a question on her mind, though… “What about Alt?” she asked. “And Rogue?”

He was silent for a moment. “What about them?”

She felt his finger trace the lines of her tattoo. “You blew up a fuckin’ megacorporation for Alt. Could still have a chance with Rogue if you wanted it. Not sure I can compete.”

“Not askin’ you to compete.” He paused again. “Listen V… Alt and Rogue – they were both important as hell to me. I mean, Rogue _still_ is. But I’ve been thinkin’ about it a lot. Thought I was in love a dozen times over in my life, but honestly? Don’t think I was capable of it then – was too damn selfish, ran away from everything whether it was good or bad.”

V listened carefully as he continued. “After Alt died, it was easy to just remember the good shit and feel crap about being such an asshole to her. But… Fuck’s sake, I didn’t even know what she did for a living. Don’t know if I’ll ever really get over what happened, but I’m startin’ to see it wasn’t the big romantic tragedy I built it up to be.”

“And Rogue?” she asked. “You could still…”

He shook his head against the back of her neck. “Rogue’s lived a whole life without me, and she’s done better for it. Maybe it would have worked if I’d shaped up fifty years ago, but not now. And I don’t _want_ that, anyway. I don’t feel the same about her as I feel about you.”

V hummed, satisfied with his answer and a weight lifting off her chest.

“What about you?” he asked.

“What about me?”

His fingers brushed the side of her head, along her hairline. “You had a lot locked up in there. Anything I should know?”

“Probably,” she mused, closing her eyes. “I’ll tell you sometime, but not right now. I’m tired still, and wanna enjoy this.”

Never in a million years would V had imagined this – falling asleep to the thumping of Johnny Silverhand’s heartbeat, and the feeling of his arms holding her. Not that she’d been in a hurry to die before, but this settled it – no way was she gonna miss out on this life.


	15. Home

V was already in the bathroom when Johnny woke, still feeling the ghost of her in his arms as his chest pounded at the memory of the night before. _Fuck_ , he was relieved beyond belief. He’d been expecting everything to turn out a whole lot worse. Johnny wasn’t the type of guy to make a big thing out of confessions, but no way had there been any other way through V’s thick skull. And even then, she’d barely gotten the damn message. He lay in bed smiling. When the fuck did he ever _smile_ to himself? This bitch had him wrapped round her finger, and she didn’t even know it.

He yawned and reached down the side of the bed, retrieving a notebook he’d stuffed down there the night before, and rolled onto his back as he flicked through the pages of hastily scrawled music and lyrics. Johnny had spent way too long with melodies and words stuck buzzing round his head with nowhere to put them; he’s started catching himself humming in V’s head as she’d slept, desperate to get the music out of him again, but now wasn’t even sure if any of it was quite right. Everything had changed. Sure, the rage was never gonna be completely snuffed out, but Johnny usually found himself writing about whatever was most present on his mind. So, of course, most of it now was about _her_ – and he wasn’t ready for V to see it yet, instead scribbling down what he could whenever she left the room. Fuck, she really was turning him into an absolute gonk. He groaned and threw the notebook across the room into his bag, noticing that hers was already packed and ready to go. How long had she been up for?

“Can I use your holo?” Johnny called out, leaning up on his elbows.

V opened the bathroom door, wearing his Samurai tank and dog tags. Now that he didn’t need to suppress his feelings, even looking at her was near-overwhelming. The bruising on her throat hadn’t quite faded, and she looked a bit paler than usual, but she was still beautiful.

“Sure,” she replied, “What you need it for?”

Johnny struggled to pull himself out of bed, legs stiff. He really needed to stop falling asleep with his damn leather pants on... But nothing on earth could have made him move away from V the night before. “Picked one up when I was out last night. Figured it would be useful if you get stabbed again or somethin’.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “So why d’ya need mine?”

“For detes, you gonk.”

“Oh, right,” she said, throwing her holo to him. “Go ahead.”

He flicked through her contacts, forwarding along the ones he recognised. Rogue, Kerry, Judy just to be safe… But paused over a particular one. “You’ve still got Jackie’s in here,” he noted.

V crossed her arms and leaned on the doorframe. “Mm. Can you blame me?”

“You ever call him?”

She looked down at her feet. “Sometimes.”

He felt a pang of sadness from her, not unlike the sensation of picking at an old scab. Was probably best to drop the topic. He got it, though, how much she missed him. And they’d been so busy trying to save her ass the last few months, she hadn’t even gotten to grieve. Was one ofrenda really enough to put something like that to bed? Was she gonna be okay once everything settled down again?

“Message Kerry,” she suggested, moving back into the bathroom. “Let him know we’re leaving.”

Johnny complied as he ambled about the bedroom, shoving loose pieces of clothing into their bags. _Heading home today, V’s managed to get ‘Saka off our asses for now._

The holo buzzed moments later with a reply, so he flopped back onto the bed, not knowing what else to do to keep busy.

_Just don’t get yourselves killed, k?_ Kerry said.

Johnny started typing a smart-ass reply, but another message quickly came through.

_How’re things with V?_

Johnny had to stop himself from groaning out loud. Kerry knew him too damn well. Of course he would have picked up on something going on… _Fine,_ he replied, unsure how much he should say. Things felt almost too good – what if he jinxed himself? If they got back to the apartment and she decided she actually hated his guts or something? She deserved a whole lot more than what Johnny could offer, after all. He was a fuckin’ train wreck, a terrorist, and he was older than her. Not by _much_ – of course, unless they were counting the fifty years he’d been dead – but he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was being selfish about the whole thing.

“Johnny?” she called out, peeking round the corner again, makeup half done. “I can feel your weird feelings and they suck. What’s up?”

“Nothin’,” he lied.

She didn’t look convinced. “Uh huh?”

“Am I too old for you?” he finally asked, thinking it was probably the least loaded question to start with.

V looked unphased as she brushed some sort of powder on her face. “How old are you exactly? Ninety?”

“ _No_ ,” he stressed with a glare. “I’m thirty fuckin’ four.”

“Nah. Ninety.”

“ _Thirty four_.”

“Okay, okay,” she laughed, then looked thoughtful for a moment. “Eh, I’ve dated older.”

“Have you?” he raised an eyebrow.

“Probably,” V shrugged, turning back towards the mirror. “Seven years is nothin’, Johnny, calm the fuck down.”

She was right, of course. But that was only one of many doubts put to bed.

“You alright having a terrorist for an input?” he called after her.

He heard her laugh again. “Would be hypocritical if I wasn’t. I think I count as a terrorist now, too, right?”

_Well, fair enough_. She had a point. The holo buzzed again, but this time a video flicked up on the screen. “Fuck’s sake, Kerry,” Johnny muttered under his breath. He pressed play, surprised to see footage of V singing softly and playing piano. When had this been filmed? A lightness spread through Johnny’s chest as he watched. Fuck, there really was so much he didn’t know about her. Not that it mattered anymore; he didn’t need to prove anything to anyone. But he _wanted_ to know everything he could, and for her to know him.

_Took this yesterday afternoon_ , Kerry messaged. _You can’t say she’s anything but perfect for you_.

Johnny smirked as he shot back a reply and pocketed the holo. _More than perfect._

V emerged again with her bag of makeup and started to shove it into her duffle bag. It didn’t fit, of course, considering she’d already broken the zip from overfilling the damn thing. He watched as she continued to roughly prod at it with a frown on her face, until he couldn’t stop himself any longer and pulled her into him, pressing her tightly against his chest.

“V,” he said, “It ain’t gonna fit.”

“Yes it will,” she insisted.

Johnny sighed as he trailed his fingers down her arms to take her hands in his. “C’mon,” he said, “Let’s get everything in the car.”

She leaned up on her toes and kissed him, her lips soft with lip gloss. He wanted to tell her that she was beautiful, that he loved her, but didn’t have the chance as Kerry’s voice rang out from upstairs.

“V!” Kerry yelled. “Some angry woman with green hair is at the gate. She won’t _shut up_.”

V’s eyes widened with excitement. “Judy!” she beamed, taking off at top speed as Johnny trailed slightly behind. To impatient to wait for Kerry to open the gate from inside, she tugged it open herself and jumped into Judy’s arms as the two women squealed with excitement. He hadn’t seen her like that before, so carefree and child-like. If Johnny didn’t know better, he’d say it was cute.

“Fuck, V,” Judy laughed. “Can’t even believe you got _stabbed_ the other day from how you’re actin’. The hell has made you so happy?”

“Still not too light on my feet,” V replied. “Fuck, Judy, I’m so sorry. Never shoulda dragged you into that.”

Judy pulled her into another hug. “As long as you’re okay. Wish I’d killed the bastard, though.”

“You’re not the only one,” Johnny sighed. The thought of it still filled him with rage. The fact he wasn’t there with her, that Takemura was probably still alive… Next time Johnny saw him, he was gonna rip his fuckin’ head off.

“Hey, Johnny,” Judy waved as he approached. “You left quite an impression on the Moxes. Rita said you park like crap.”

“You came just in time,” V smiled to Judy. “We’re headin’ home today. Managed to get a temporary solution for our ‘Saka problem.”

“Huh, not bad. You seriously wanna leave this place, though?” She gestured to the villa in front of them. “Thought this shit was your thing.”

“Nah,” V shook her head, “My place has got more character.”

V pulled Judy inside and introduced her to Kerry as Johnny held back. He felt awkward, considering how many times he’d talked shit about the Mox. Of course, he’d grown to like Judy well enough, but had certainly bad-mouthed her pretty bad at first, too. Honestly, he still wasn’t convinced helping anyone in Night City was worth V risking her life. If she didn’t cut it out, she was gonna get herself killed sooner rather than later. But at least Judy was willing to give as much as she took.

“Johnny,” Kerry said, patting him on the shoulder and indicating for him to follow as he headed up to his bedroom. Johnny complied, and the two men stood silently in front of the windows, staring out across North Oak. The world had moved on so much the last fifty years. Who would he have become if he hadn’t died? Who would he become now?

“Wanna smoke?” Kerry offered, pulling out his cigarette case.

“Sure.” The silence continued for a bit longer as V and Judy chatted below them. Johnny smiled at how happy she sounded.

“Fuck, Johnny, you’re serious about her, aren’t you?” Kerry chuckled under his breath. “That all it takes for you to get your head out your ass, huh? Get stuck in a girl’s head and kill her?”

“Don’t fuckin’ remind me,” Johnny sighed, taking another drag. “Somethin’ about this mess of a situation really put things into perspective, though.”

“Seems like it,” Kerry agreed. “Never thought I’d see the day. You’ve gotta make your move, and don’t fuck it up, alright? She’s not as strong right now as she wants us to think.”

“How would you know?”

Kerry shrugged. “Just saw it in her eyes. At the gig, on the yacht, when she was playin’ yesterday… There’s a sadness in there.”

“Think you’re right,” Johnny sighed. “She told me she’s scared. Just gotta wait for Rogue.”

Kerry nodded. “If you guys need anythin’ else, you call. And don’t fuck V about.”

“Thanks, Ker.” Johnny snuffed out the rest of his cigarette and headed back down the stairs towards V and Judy. Somehow, after everything, he still had friends in this world. It felt good. It felt _undeserved_.

“Why’d he get in touch with _you_ , exactly?” V asked Judy, arms crossed.

“You gave him my detes, remember?” she replied. “In case he needed a BD editor.”

V groaned and nervously glanced at Johnny as he joined them.

“What’s up?” he asked.

“Nothin’,” V said quickly.

He looked at Judy.

“A choom of V’s is lookin’ for her. He’s a cop. Well, used to be, anyway.”

Now it was Johnny’s turn to let out a groan.

Judy raised an eyebrow. “You know him, then?”

“’Course I do,” he sighed. “Real asshole.”

“I mean, he _isn’t_ , though,” V explained. “That’s the fuckin’ problem. Feel like a damn _criminal_ when I’m talkin’ to him.”

“You are a criminal, V,” Johnny pointed out. “Nah, problem is he tried to get in your pants.”

V shrugged. “Well, nothin’ wrong with him askin’, I guess. Just feel fuckin’ awkward now.”

Judy looked between them, clearly confused at the sudden conflict that had arisen. “Okaay… Well, he said somethin’ about his nephew bein’ home and wantin’ you round for dinner.”

Another groan from Johnny. This was the last thing he wanted.

“Don’t worry,” Judy added with a smirk, “Told him V’s got a new input, so he won’t get the wrong idea there.”

“Huh?” V blinked with a stutter. “What… I mean, how did you –“

“How did I _know_? Kinda obvious where things were heading between you two gonks,” she laughed.

“Wait, _what_?” Kerry yelled over the balcony. “You tellin’ mean you’re _already together_?”

V flushed red and buried her face in her hands.

“Kerry…” Johnny warned, placing a hand on V’s back. Neither of them were any good at this shit, and he’d wanted to at least ask her before putting it on show.

“ _You!_ ” Kerry pointed an accusatory finger at Johnny. “Why’d you not say anythin’? Making me look like a fuckin’ gonk over here.”

“Only happened last night, geez!”

“Fuck’s sake,” Kerry huffed. “You’ve both been doin’ my head in, eyeing each other up nonstop.”

V grabbed Judy’s hand and pulled her over to the couch, away from the commotion. Johnny quickly followed to get away from Kerry’s questioning.

“Judy,” V said, “Think I should call River? What if things are awkward?”

Judy shrugged. “Don’t think it’ll be as bad as you think. He didn’t seem _weird_ , just worried. Said he’d been trying to get in touch. What did you do for his nephew, anyway?”

“Saved him from a serial killer.”

Judy let out a low whistle. “Damn. I mean, kid will wanna thank you, right?”

“I guess,” V grumbled. She looked at Johnny. “Wait a minute. All that shit you said about him… You were _jealous_ , weren’t you?”

“’Course I was. Thought you were gonna fuck him.”

V sighed and grasped Johnny’s hand. Damn, she really was dense.

“ _Johnny_!” Kerry hissed as he joined them on the couch.

“Fuck, Ker, I’ll talk about it later, alright?” Johnny pinched the bridge of his nose as he watched V, at how her lips curved slightly just before she let out a laugh and how she continuously ran her fingers through her long hair. With a sharp sigh of impatience, Kerry reluctantly fell silent and, before long, the conversation started to petered out.

V jumped up. “Think we should get going,” she told Johnny. “Get everything home.”

“Sounds good,” he agreed.

They saw Judy off first, then both hugged Kerry goodbye. V still wouldn’t let Johnny drive, which was probably for the best, though he didn’t want to admit it. She frowned for most of the journey, concentration set on dealing with the shitty Night City traffic, but he felt her muscles soften every time he rested his hand on her knee. She was all but jumping on the spot as they locked up the car and headed into the elevator.

“You really are excited, huh?” he chuckled.

She nodded. “Just wanna get back to normal.”

The apartment was exactly as they’d left it, thankfully with no trace of a ‘Saka raid in sight. Cigarette trays full and untouched, empty cans of beer and energy drinks scattered around the sofa. V winced as she grabbed a trash bag and started shoving the garbage away. He noticed her wince and clutch at her side every now and then, sending more pangs of guilt shooting through him. Was she really as okay with that whole thing as she said she was? It was hard to tell. Sometimes he thought he could sense something from her, a feeling deep beneath a hundred other things, something angry and painful. He knew he should probably ask. But if she _was_ pissed, asking would mean he'd have to deal with it, and he didn't _want_ to.

“Always forget how messy it is,” she sighed, “When I haven’t been home in a while.”

“Could be worse,” Johnny said, glancing at the closet, “But you’re gonna have to make some room for me in here, y’know. Kerry gave me enough shit for three people.”

“Eh, just shove it in there for now,” she replied, gesturing towards the armoury.

Johnny complied, then returned and started emptying V’s bags. The sound of metal clattering against the floor rang out, and she looked over as his fingers snaked around the culprit – the medallion from Misty.

V’s face dropped. “Don’t think I can keep wearing that fuckin’ thing,” she sighed. “Feels like I’m carryin’ a weight with me.”

Johnny silently held the necklace up, watching the metal ring catch the light as he gazed at the tarnished bullet in the centre. To think that little thing was what started it all… Johnny wasn’t sure whether to thank it or curse it.

“Hey,” V said. He looked over at her. She stood still, pensively holding the dog tags round her neck in her fist. “You want it?”

He blinked. “You… want me to wear the bullet that flatlined you round my neck? Ain’t that a bit morbid?”

“Ah…” V shrugged, eyes glazed over. “Guess you probably wouldn’t want it any more than I do.”

Johnny thought for a moment. It wasn’t the sorta thing she’d be able to toss, and if she locked it away it would fester like an untreated wound. No, she wanted to turn it into something new, something better.

“Actually, I do,” he said. “A promise, right?”

V smiled sadly at him as he put the pendant on. She opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted by the buzz of her holo.

She flipped it open and looked down, sucking in a sharp breath. “Rogue says she’s got somethin’ for us. Wants to meet.”

Johnny nodded. “You wanna go now? We’ve gotta pick those pills up first, though. You look half dead, V.”

She hummed in agreement. There wasn’t much left to unpack, so he stood and watched as she emptied the rest of the bags on the couch and quietly pulled a jacket on. Just that one text, and her anxiety had skyrocketed - and that other feeling again, that one he didn't want to confront. _Don’t let us down, Rogue_ , Johnny thought to himself. He had to figure this out. Failing her wasn’t a damn option.


	16. Afterlife

V stared down at the bottle of pills in her hand, crouched on the stoop outside Vik’s clinic and tapping her foot on the ground with a frown creasing her forehead. Little blue capsules, not unlike the omega blockers, but darker – like the night-time waves she’d watched crashing on the shore of Pacifica after her heart had stopped… She shivered at the memory, at the creeping remembrance of her own mortality, and quickly popped one into her mouth and swallowed. _Please do something. Please…_

She wrapped her arms round herself. Johnny was gonna be stuck with Vik a while longer; he’d been dead set on having his arm replaced, pointing at the Arasaka logo in silent indignation when Vik had suggested a simple fix-up. V couldn’t blame him, after everything he’d been through.

“You got your chrome looked at?” Misty asked, gingerly sitting down beside V and folding her hands in her lap.

“Yup,” V replied. “Should all be in working order now.”

“And the stab wound?”

“Vik managed to finish up the healing.” She pulled up her shirt slightly to show Misty the fresh pink scar, tracing it with her fingertips. “And he added another plate to my arm. Fucked it up big time raiding ‘Saka. Nomads could only do so much.”

Misty smiled. “You look happy, V. Everything ended up okay the other day, then?”

“Yeah...” V looked down at her feet. Something didn’t feel right. But whenever she tried to focus on it, all that guilt from Johnny rushed back in, and she had no idea what _she_ was feeling. “Wish he’d just talked to me, though.”

“I think he’s trying his best. Just like you are.”

“Guess you’re right. Still got some stuff I need to tell him… You probably know what I mean…”

Misty hummed knowingly as she stood up and headed back towards the store. “It’ll be okay, V. Everyone has a past. I’m glad you two found each other.”

V was glad, too, of course – but wished the circumstances could have been easier. Unfortunately, impossible circumstances seemed to follow Johnny everywhere. V sighed to herself. All that shit would have to wait to be pondered; she’d come outside for a reason. She needed to bite the bullet and call River.

He picked up after two short buzzes, like he’d been waiting for a call. V imagined PIs were _always_ waiting for a damn call. There went the small chance of him being busy…

“V?” His eyes filled with relief. “Fuck, was startin’ to think you’d flatlined. Everything alright?”

“Yeah… Just busy, y’know how it is.” She paused awkwardly, unsure of how much to tell him. “Had a real bitch of a case and went off the map for a few weeks. Only just started getting back in touch with everyone.”

“Fuck, V. You in trouble?” he frowned.

“Nah. No more than usual.”

River seemed unconvinced but seemed to sense that was all she’d say on the matter. “Well… Randy’s back home,” he continued, “And Joss says you _need_ to come for dinner again. You up for it? Think the kid would really appreciate meeting you… He’s been struggling to adjust a bit.”

V thought for a moment and averted her gaze from him. She _did_ want to see them. But would it be too awkward? She didn’t want to give River the wrong idea about things again. “Sounds good,” she finally replied. “But I’ve got a friend stayin’ with me at the moment, so…”

“This the guy Judy mentioned?”

_Ugh_. V had forgotten Judy’d already mentioned Johnny. Could this get anymore uncomfortable?

River laughed. “Don’t worry, V. I’m happy for you. We’re cool, right? Friends?”

She sighed. Perhaps she wasn’t being fair on him – River had never given any indication that he was gonna make things weird. This was all built up in her own gonk head. River was a good guy, a good friend – things didn’t have to be strange between them.

She did her best to shoot him an encouraging smile. “’Course we’re friends.”

“Hey – why don’t you bring him along?”

No way would Johnny agree to that. Or maybe he would? He’d been… _surprising_ lately. “I’ll ask him,” she contended. “We can swing by tonight?”

“Sounds good, V. Stay safe out there,” River smiled back. “Oh – and I’ve gotta ask you some shit about this whole PI thing when you’re here. Might need an extra pair of eyes on a case or two over the next few months.”

V bit the inside of her lip as she agreed. Should she tell him? That she was dying? That she might not have a few months left? Felt like she was lying to him, but did he really need to know? It didn’t feel right over the holo in either case. They’d cleared the air, at least, and that would have to do for the time being.

A message from Vik opened as soon as she hung up. _We’re done here._

She headed back down to the clinic, head still aching. When would those fucking pills work?

“Fuck’s sake, slow down,” Vik demanded, shaking his head at Johnny. “You’ve had a lot of anaesthesia.”

“Nah, I feel fine,” Johnny insisted, pulling himself to his feet and throwing V a grin as she walked over. He stretched out the new arm admiringly. “Not bad, huh?”

It wasn’t unlike his old one, really – the one from before he died – but was in much better shape and didn’t have those dumbass blades hanging off the elbow. V had no idea how the fuck he’d gotten anything done with those things sticking into everything around him.

She nodded in agreement. “Vik’s the best. And that thing’s costing me a small fortune.”

“You sure you can afford it upfront?” Vik asked.

She shrugged. “Sure. Had a lot of work lately… Could always sell one of the cars if I need to, anyway.”

Vik hummed and turned to Johnny, passing him an inhaler. “One puff every three hours,” he instructed. “Now gimme a minute with V.”

Johnny grunted in acknowledgement and headed past V. She stood still in front of Viktor, feeling like a kid caught in deep shit as she waited for him to speak.

Vik glared at her. “Why’d you try to bullshit me, V?”

She blinked. “What?”

“Your fuckin’ stitches. You think I wouldn’t notice you pulled them?” He shook his head at her. His disappointment hurt.

V averted her eye and crossed her arms. “I split my stitches all the time, Vik. It ain’t a big deal.”

“If it weren’t a big deal, you woulda told me like you always do.” He paused. “What did he do?”

“Nothing, okay? Just drop it.”

“V…” Viktor sighed.

“Seriously, Vik. What the fuck do you want me to say?” She paused and let out a huff. “He just pushed me, okay? Barely gave it any force. It was an _accident_.”

“’Cause he was drunk?”

She still couldn’t bring herself to look at him as she nodded, otherwise still and unmoving. Why couldn’t she _feel_ anything? “It was an accident,” she repeated. God, she sounded pathetic.

Vik shook his head at her again. “What’s gotten into you, huh? You look like a fuckin’ zombie, V.”

V sighed again and perched on the edge of the surgery table. “I don’t fuckin’ _know_ ,” she said, voice low. “We’re still linked, somehow. In our heads. I can feel what he feels. Like before, but worse, cause if his feelings are strong enough it snuffs me out completely.”

“What?” Viktor blinked, leaning back in his chair.

“After he pushed me, all I’ve felt was _his_ guilt. No chance for me to be pissed. No chance for me to feel _anything_.” She paused to push her hair out of her face. “God, Vik, you have no idea how hard it is to be mad at someone when you know _exactly_ what they’re feelin’.”

“Shit,” Vik sighed. “Can’t say I have any idea why it might be happening.”

V remained silent. There wasn’t anything more to say.

“Here,” he added, leaning over to reach for another bottle of pills. “More omega blockers. Might help for now.”

She nodded and popped one in her mouth. So many fucking pills and she was still dying, still fucked in the head, still not herself. “Thanks, Vik. I know how this must all look.”

He patted her knee. “Just worried about you, V. Didn’t seem like you is all.”

“It _isn’t_ me.” Fuck. She’d let herself think everything was okay. That this one fuck up wasn’t a big deal. The omega blockers kicked in quick, as they usually did, and she couldn’t help but repeat the moment in her head over and over. “What if it’s too late, Vik?” she asked. “What if I’m more Johnny than V and that’s why this is happenin’?”

“I don’t think that’s true, V,” Vik sighed. “Just take the pills, okay? Don’t give up.”

“I need to go,” she murmured, hopping up and quickly storming outside, her head buzzing with a hundred thoughts and feelings. 

Johnny was waiting for her, leaning against the wall and smoking, still staring at his arm. “What’s up with you?” he asked as she brushed past him down the alley.

She bit the inside of her mouth. This wasn’t the right time to talk. She needed to figure out exactly what she was thinking first; her emotions were still coming back to her. “Nothing,” she lied, keeping her expression as stoic as she could. “Just wanna talk to Rogue.”

“You comin’ with this time?”

“It’s _about_ me, isn’t it?” She unhooked the gate from its latch a bit more roughly than she needed to. “Want to hear what she’s got for myself.”

V could feel Johnny’s questioning eyes on her as she unlocked the car, but she didn’t care. Everything was too fucked and confusing. What if they’d removed the biochip too late? She couldn’t help but wonder if Jackie would even recognise her anymore, if he was still… _Stop thinking, V_ , she told herself. _Focus on biz for now_. _Focus on yourself._

* * *

V felt consumed by bitter apprehension as they pulled up outside the Afterlife. She felt like a fucking imposter being there – getting stabbed in broad daylight didn’t exactly happen to Night City legends. Hell, she’d hardly been able to stand up in the shower that morning. It was pathetic, and the only thing stopping her from having a meltdown was probably the fact that no one else was actually there yet to witness her shame. No low thumping music, no groups of solos... For once, V could imagine the club as the morgue it used to be, silent and empty. But Rogue was there, of course, still busy in her booth; as soon as she set her sights on V and Johnny, she gestured for them to wait at the bar. Had she been there all night? Must have been busy. Even Claire was still there cleaning up behind the bar.

“Long shift?” V asked as she settled onto a stool.

Claire groaned and slid V a shot of tequila, regarding Johnny with a slightly raised eyebrow. V wasn’t surprised, considering Claire spent her nights serving up Johnny Silverhands… Maybe him being recognised was gonna be even more of a problem than she’d thought.

“Thought it’d never end,” Claire sighed. “You’re my saving graces, though. Heading off after Rogue’s seen you two.”

V smoothly chucked back the shot. “She’s been busy, huh?”

Claire hummed in agreement, turning to stack glasses. “Yup… Been workin’ her ass off for you two.”

V kept an anxious eye on Rogue as Johnny leaned on the bar next to her. She hadn’t expected her to pull out all the stops for them, especially considering she hadn’t been paid an eddy yet. What exactly was she getting out of this? Surely Johnny hadn’t been _that_ convincing…

“You sure you’re okay?” he asked.

“I’m fine,” she sighed, refusing to look at him. “Just want these fuckin’ pills to work.”

“They will. You’ve only taken one, V.” He picked up a strand of her hair and tucked it behind her ear. “Said it yourself, Vik’s the best. Trust him.”

“You really think Rogue’s got somethin’ useful?”

“For sure.” Johnny leaned forward to kiss her. For a moment, she allowed it, wrapping an arm round his waist to pull him closer, not wanting to let him go again and face how everything she was feeling. When they were like this, V could make herself believe that everything would be alright.

As he pulled back, V caught the glimpse of movement from the side. She looked over to see Rogue marching up to them and, before she could open her mouth to warn Johnny, she quickly took him by the arm and spun him around, immediately landing a punch on his face as V jumped to her feet in surprise.

“Fuckin’ _knew_ it!” Rogue growled at him.

V took a cautious step back, eyes wide as she looked at Johnny for direction. Should she _do_ something? Claire gestured V to follow her further down the bar. “Best to let her work it out,” she whispered.

“What the _fuck_?” Johnny yelled, hand flying to his face as he pressed his back against the bar to get away from her.

“Fuck’s sake, Johnny,” Rogue hissed, “The kid doesn’t deserve your fuckin’ bullshit. You’ve already _killed_ her, what more can you take?”

“ _You_ told me to sort my shit out, remember?” he protested. “The fuck did you think was gonna happen?”

“And now you’re gonna do what you always do, right?” Her voice was thick with sarcasm “Fuck her life up, that’s what.”

“Rogue…” V interjected. She almost retreated when the fixer’s furious glare landed on her. “C’mon, let’s talk.”

“Fine.” Rogue scowled at Johnny before turning back to V. “But just you and me. _He’s_ stayin’ right here.”

V nodded in agreement and followed Rogue as she turned on her heel towards the back of the club, shooting Johnny a panicked glance as she passed him. He put his hands up in defeat, picking up the empty shot glass and gesturing to Claire for a refill. Fuck. Not a good start.

The door slid closed behind them and Rogue stood in silence with her arms crossed. V waited for her to speak first, but she simply stared into the distance, eyes sharp and blank.

“We good?” V eventually asked.

“You and me?” Rogue finally looked at her. “ _We’re_ fine. But him… He’s always playin’ some fuckin’ game. He’s gonna fuck you over, V. That’s what he _does_. Leaves people a fuckin’ hollow shell of what they were.”

“Feel like this is more about you and him, Rogue. I’ve seen half his damn life like it was mine. I _know_ what he’s like.”

Rogue shook her head, arms dropping to her side. “You don’t know until you’ve lived it. He _lies._ Didn’t think he’d go this far with you, that he’d get his head on straight and leave you alone.”

V looked down. “I _know_ ,” she insisted.

“Look at me, V.” She raised her eyes again. “What did he do?”

_Fuck._ This time, V couldn’t help it. All of her frustration, her anger and paid overflowed, and she couldn’t stop the tears from streaming down her cheeks. _Not now_ , she thought, clutching a fist to her test as it tightened, _not in front of her_. But everything was too fucked. V didn’t even know who she was anymore. She was _scared_.

Rogue stared at her bewildered, clearly this being the last thing she’d expected from V. Why couldn’t everything be simple?

“Thought I was gonna ditch him,” V managed to choke out. “So ran off to get shitfaced and split my stitches open. And like a fucking gonk I hardly said two words about it.”

Rogue clenched her jaw and silently walked back out to the bar with V on her heel. She wanted to protest, to make her stop, but couldn’t find the words. Johnny turned just as Rogue raised her fist at him again, but he was ready for her this time, catching her arm before she could strike.

“ _Christ_ , cut it out,” he demanded. He froze as his eyes locked onto V. “I know you’re a cold-hearted bitch, Rogue, but _why the fuck_ is she crying?”

“You tell me,” Rogue hissed. “You come in here preaching about what a changed man you are, then get shitfaced and push her around? Makes you feel like a man, huh?”

Johnny released Rogue from his grip. “What the fuck are you talkin’ about? It wasn’t like that. It’s all _sorted_ anyway, so mind your fuckin’ business.”

Rogue gestured towards V. “Does it _look_ sorted to you? Kid’s crying her eyes out.”

V silently pulled the omega blockers out her jacket pocket and placed them on the bar. Johnny stared at them blankly for a second before realisation seemed to dawn on him. “Shit…” he murmured. “Didn’t know it was that bad, V.”

V furiously wiped at the tears on her face and stared at the streaks of makeup left on her fingers. She didn’t want to cry. She didn’t want to be so fucking weak and pathetic anymore. “Forgave you too quickly, Silverhand,” she said, voice raspy and empty.

He stood up and walked towards her. “Tell me what to do, V. I wanna fix this.”

She shook her head, feeling like enough of a mess without having to figure out how to fix his.

Rogue turned to V. “Listen, kid. This can wait another day, okay? You go figure this out first. Trust me, you’ll need a clear head.”

Fuck. This was the last thing V wanted to happen. She _needed_ this lead. It was her fucking life on the line. But, unfortunately, Rogue was right. She couldn’t imagine doing anything useful right now. Anything she had to gain, she’d fuck it up.

“I’ll come back tomorrow,” V eventually contended with a sigh, picking the pills up again and turning the bottle round in her hand before shoving them back into her jacket. She looked at Johnny. “We need to talk.”

He nodded in agreement, letting her take the lead as she headed outside and flopped back into the car. She stared out the window distantly, unable to look at him when he joined her.

“I meant everything I said, V,” he said. His voice sounded strained. “That I love you. That I want to be better.”

“I know.”

“Then tell me what happened?”

She sighed. “I dunno, Johnny. Thought I was okay, but I’m _not_. Just couldn’t feel it past all your fuckin’ guilt. Imagine if this had happened a few months ago... Fuck, I wouldn’t have ever spoken to you again. What if I’m not _me_ anymore? What if we were too late?”

“You’re still you, V. Trust me.”

“How would you be able to tell?”

“’Cause I know you. I mean, I know I’m pretty fucked in the head but don’t think even _I_ could fall for a replica of myself.”

“Don’t count on it,” she sighed. “Fuck, you were dead for fifty years and somehow came out the other end better than I did.”

He took her hand in his and thought for a moment. “Let’s swap seats,” he said. “I’m gonna take you somewhere.”

Normally, she would protest the prospect of him driving them _anywhere_ , but was way too tired to put up a fight. Somehow, it felt like everything depended on what he did next – she wanted to see what he was willing to do, whether there was any hope for them.

“Alright,” she sighed, scootching over into the passenger seat as he jumped out. She rested her head against the cold glass of the window, closing her eyes and letting the motion of the car lull her into a light sleep. _Don’t dream_ , she urged herself, not wanting to look any deeper into her subconscious than she already had.


	17. Pacifica

V opened her eyes as the car came to a sharp standstill and looked around, slowly adjusting to the bright sun. It was hot, even in the car, and she immediately recognised the backdrop of palm trees and murky ocean waves. “We’re in Pacifica?” she frowned.

“Yup,” Johnny said, jumping out the car and walking towards the pier. She watched him for a moment before letting out a sigh and joining him, unsure what the hell he was planning and less than thrilled about being dragged somewhere he damn well knew she hated.

“What’re we doin’ here?” she asked, unimpressed. “This place sucks.”

“I’m taking you on a date.” He started picking glass bottles up off the floor.

V raised an eyebrow. “In _Coastview_? Want us to get shot, Johnny?”

“Remember that thing?” He pointed towards the rollercoaster.

“Uh huh?”

“Ridin’ that death trap with you was the first time I’ve had fun in fuckin’ years,” he explained. “So, yeah, think our first date should be here. This shithole was an amusement park, right? So let’s have fun.”

“You’d been dead for fifty years,” she pointed out. “The bar was set pretty low for you having fun.”

V watched in silence as he lined the bottles up on one of the decrepit booths, the sun glistening through the foggy glass. She was surprised he didn’t rise to her complaining. “I’ll win you somethin’” he announced, taking back a few metres and raising his gun.

“Wait,” she interrupted with a playful smirk. “That’s too easy. You’ve got a good aim.”

“What d’ya suggest then?”

V hummed for a moment, then picked up a bottle and threw it up in the air, quickly drawing her revolver and shooting it. The glass scattered around them in little rays of light. “You do the rest,” she instructed, reaching for another bottle and preparing to toss it.

“Alright.”

She threw the bottle, squealing as it exploded in the air. “Fuck,” she laughed, “Forgot how fuckin’ powerful that thing is.”

Johnny chuckled, too. “Go on, throw the rest.”

V was surprised when he didn’t miss any. She’d never seen him shoot in person; he was _good_. Better than she’d expected. Maybe even as good as her.

“So what have you won for me?” she teased, stepping towards him. The broken glass crackled under her boots, still dancing under the bright sun. A lightness started to spread through her chest again as the sea breeze ruffled her hair.

He looked around. “Whatever you want.”

V reached out, her fingers gingerly touching his bruised eye. “Does it hurt?” she asked.

He flinched slightly but didn’t move from her touch. “Nah. Being Soulkilled was way worse.”

V’s eyes widened as she looked over Johnny’s shoulder. “Woah! Look at that.”

He turned around and laughed as she jogged past him and started rooting around in the remains of another booth. “A fuckin’ _bear_? Looks gross, V.”

V dusted off the toy’s purple matted fur with a frown of concentration on her face. “Yeah, but this is what people win, right? At amusement parks? I dunno, I’ve never been to one of these places. Saw shit like this in the movies, though.”

Johnny wrapped his arms around her waist and nuzzled into the back of her neck. “Guess that’s your prize, then.”

She held the toy out in her outstretched arms, still shaking the dirt off it. “Huh. It’s kinda cute.”

“It’s gross, V. It has no eyes.”

“Nah, it’s cute. I’ll wash it.”

He paused for a moment. “You still mad?”

“ _Yes_ ,” she stressed.

“Don’t sound mad.”

She leaned into him with a hum, not ready to let him off the hook just yet. “What else are we doin’, then?”

He thought for a moment. “Let’s go on the beach.”

“And get tetanus?” she laughed. “No thanks.”

He ignored her, taking her hand and gently pulling her after him down the wooden staircase to the bottom of the pier. “You ever been to one of those fancy synthetic beaches?” he asked.

“Oh, yeah. They’re a pretty big deal in Los Angeles. For those who can afford it, anyway.” She laughed slightly at the memory. “Mom loved them. Was an absolute fuckin’ nutcase about it, though, always yellin’ at Dad to rent one out for her friends.”

“There was one in a hotel we stayed at in Leningrad, on tour,” Johnny added, laying down in the sand. V sat next to him, legs crossed as she inspected the shoreline. It didn’t look _too_ filthy. “Don’t remember much except for Kerry nearly drowning after doin’ shots and Nancy slapping the shit outta him on the shore. Still have no idea how he managed to play that night”

V grabbed a fistful of sand and sifted it through her fingers before leaning back beside Johnny and closing her eyes to escape the glare of the sun. “Can’t imagine you guys holed up anywhere fancy on tour.”

“Russia was different. Had a lot of security on us.” He paused for a moment. “V?”

“Uh huh?”

“Think I need to quit drinking. Sober up.”

V turned her head to face him. “What?”

He squeezed her hand. “Clearly can’t fuckin’ trust myself not to go overboard.”

She continued to stare at him. That was the last thing she’d expected to hear. “You don’t have to do that, Johnny.”

He rolled over onto his stomach and propped himself up so that he was leaning over her. “I know I don’t _have_ to.”

“You sick or somethin’?” she laughed.

“I’m serious. Gonna shape up.” He paused again, sadness in his eyes. “I don’t wanna hurt people anymore, V. What’s the fuckin’ point in me bein’ alive again if I’m just gonna relive all my mistakes?”

She placed a hand on his cheek and nodded. “Sorry Rogue punched you.”

“Eh, I deserved it,” he laughed. “Was probably a long time coming, anyway.”

V thought for a moment. “I’m gonna keep taking the omega blockers for now,” she told him. “Don’t want you in my head forever. Want this to be _normal_.”

“Don’t think what we have will ever really be normal, V.”

“I know. But I wanna try. Or at least have control over my own fuckin’ emotions, y’know? Really haven’t felt like myself lately, and I hate it.”

He nodded, his hand resting on her healed wound. “Yeah, that’s fair. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

She narrowed her eyes at him slightly. V didn’t think she’d ever heard him earnestly apologise for anything before. At least she couldn’t feel his stupid guilt now, although she could see it in his eyes… Maybe this was a good chance to capitalise off his repentance. “By the way,” she said, “We’ve got plans tonight.”

“We do?”

“Yup. We’re goin’ to River’s for dinner.”

Johnny froze and glared at her. “ _We_?”

_Play it cool, V. It’s not a big deal_. “That’s what I said.”

He jumped up and started walking back to the pier. “No way. You’ve gotta be kiddin’ me, V.”

“Look,” she said, placing herself in front of him and walking backwards to keep his attention on her, “Either you come with me or I go on my own. You decide.”

Johnny groaned and threw his head back. “Fuck. _Fine._ This is gonna fuckin’ suck.”

“Nuh uh.” She stopped in her tracks and let him bounce off her. “You’re gonna be _nice_. And remember, he doesn’t know about the biochip, so don’t go talkin’ about shit you shouldn’t know about.”

He rested his hands on her hips and pulled her close to him. “Yeah, yeah.”

She looked up into his eyes. “Please, Johnny. It won’t be so bad.”

“Don’t worry,” he sighed. “Said I wouldn’t fuck things up, didn’t I?”

She wrapped her arms round his neck and hugged him tightly. “Thanks for this. I’ve had fun.”

He squeezed her back. “C’mon, let’s get outta here before someone flatlines us.”

V hummed in agreement. “Fuckin’ hate Pacifica,” she grumbled. “This has been the only good thing I’ve done here.”

“So I did alright?” He flashed her a cocky smile.

“Yes, you did,” she rolled her eyes and playfully nudged his arm, “But don’t fuckin’ push it.”

* * *

V watched in silence as the vendor looked through the bag of Johnny’s reject threads. She looked up with a raised eyebrow, wiping a sleeve across her forehead as the sun bore down on them. “Some of these are designer threads,” she said. “You think I’m made of eddies?”

V shrugged. “Just send whatever you’ve got. Don’t have room for crap I don’t want.”

The woman’s eyes glared a pale blue as she dropped the bag with the rest of her stock. “That’s all I can give ya.”

V nodded and turned away to walk back over to Johnny. This close to the city, she wasn’t quite free from its feeling of lingering decay, but was at least close enough to touch the empty edges of the desert. The sight of the Badlands stretching far into the distance made V think of Panam, and her promise of a better world. It was at moments like these when V’s entire body screamed for her to go and never look back; it was hard to believe that she could ever resume her love affair with Night City.

“C’mon,” she sighed, linking her arm through Johnny’s, “Joss’ place is this way.”

“Forgot how fuckin’ dusty it is out here,” he grumbled. “And hot.”

Not moments after they rounded the corner, V heard little voices filled with excitement ring out. She smiled as the kids charged towards her, taken aback as Monique wrapped her arms tightly round her waist. “Uncle River!” Dorian shouted. “V’s here!”

“Hey, kiddo,” V patted Monique’s head. “You guys been good?”

She could feel Johnny staring at her out the corner of his eye. “Since when were _you_ good with kids?” he asked as the pair ran back towards the trailer.

“Not sure,” she chuckled. “Had no idea I left that much of an impression.”

Joss emerged from the side of the trailer, a smile on her face and closely followed by River. Trailing behind was who V assumed to be Randy; she’d only gotten a quick look at him at the farm, and he looked different now, not unlike his mom but carrying a quiet demeanour. V enthusiastically hugged Joss and River, glad to see them both after so long, then regarded Randy with a bit more caution, not knowing quite how to greet him.

“Huh,” Randy said with a lopsided sile. He held out his hand. “You’re not what I imagined.”

V accepted the handshake. “And what _did_ you expect?”

“I dunno,” he laughed, then gestured towards her eyes. “Your Kiroshis are cool. Don’t see crazy shit like that out here often.”

“Randy…” Joss cautioned.

V returned Randy’s laugh. “No worries,” she assured. “They’re not exactly natural, huh?”

She noticed Johnny was hanging back and tugged him closer to her. “This is Johnny,” she said, the hint of pride to her tone not lost to her. “Johnny – meet River, Joss and Randy.”

River extended his hand, and V held her breath as Johnny considered him for a moment before accepting. “You look kinda familiar,” River observed.

_Seriously?_ V thought to herself. River had been the last person she’d expected to recognise him. _Must be all the fuckin’ graffiti_ …

“Worried you arrested me at some point?” Johnny smirked. V shot him a glare and subtly tried to nudge him in the side, but he quickly relented and added, “Nah, I get that a lot. Just got one of those faces. Not even from NC.”

“V, have a beer,” Joss offered. “Where’ve you been these last few weeks?”

She readily accepted, wrapping her spare arm round Johnny’s waist. “Ah… Just workin’.”

“That how you two met?” River asked. “Work?”

“Kinda, yeah.” V paused. Fuck, she had no idea what to say about Johnny. Anything she said would either be a lie or sound absolutely insane. “Ran a few jobs together. Last one got a bit fucked, so we’ve been laying low.”

“What’d you do?” Randy chimed in, eyes lit up with curiosity.

Joss gently slapped him on the shoulder and shot him a glare. V laughed. “See, Joss? Not sure I _am_ a good influence on your kids.”

“Randy’s just too nosey for his own good.”

“V!” Monique whispered loudly, tugging on her jacket. “Can I see your friend’s gun?”

V blinked. “Shouldn’t play with guns, kid.”

“But it’s _red_.”

She looked at Joss, unsure how to respond to that. “Red’s her favourite colour,” Joss explained. “She looks at River’s a lot; just take the bullets out and she’ll be fine.”

V nodded. “Johnny?”

He stared at her a moment before unholstering the Malorian, emptying its cartridge into his open palm and crouching down in front of Monique.

“Woah!” she said, touching the red handle with a childlike reverence. V was surprised Johnny was going along with any of this. Sure, he looked uncomfortable as fuck, but he wasn’t complaining, and that was more than she’d expected from him.

“That a custom Malorian?” River asked.

Johnny handed the gun over to Monique and stood up again. “Yup. Had it a while.”

“Not bad.” He gestured for V and Johnny to sit. “Must have cost a fortune.”

V could sense what River was implying and felt Johnny tense next to her. She started to speak, anxious that he wouldn’t be able to bite his tongue, but quickly paused as she tasted blood on her lips. “Shit,” she muttered.

“You okay, V?” River frowned. “Shit, you’re bleeding.”

“Yeah, yeah,” she assured, pressing her sleeve to her face. Monique passed the gun back to Johnny and threw V a worried look. “Don’t worry, kid. Just a nose bleed.”

River stood up and passed her a dish cloth. She waited for him to turn away again, then popped another round of pills into her mouth and took a gulp of beer. Johnny squeezed her hand in silent reassurance.

“We’re goin’ back to the Afterlife after this,” she whispered to him. “No way I’m sitting around another night.”

The evening passed quickly, despite the anxiety gnawing at V’s gut. River’s cooking was as good as last time, and it was good to see Joss so carefree. But still, it was almost impossible to focus on conversation… _I’m going to die_ , V thought, over and over on a loop. How many pills before she’d start feeling better? How many miracles? She’d already been through so much… What if her luck had run out?

“You alright?” Joss asked her as she and Randy collected the empty dishes. The kids ran off to play again, kicking up dust and sand as they went.

“Have a headache,” V shrugged. She turned to River “Thanks for this.”

“Hey, no problem.” He paused. “You sure you’re okay? You look different… paler.”

She tried to reassure him again, but this time Johnny interrupted. “Christ V, just tell him.”

River looked between V and Johnny as she shot him a glare. “Tell me what?”

“She’s sick,” Johnny explained. “It’s bad.”

“Johnny…”

“V, you don’t realise how fuckin’ crap you look. And how gonked you sound trying to convince everyone you’re fine.” His voice was tense with frustration.

She sighed and leaned back in her chair. The last thing she wanted was Johnny freaking out, too. Or River. Fuck, all she seemed to do at the moment was cause problems for everyone around her.

“Shit, V,” River said, shaking his head. “Why’d you not say anythin’?”

“Nothin’ anyone can do.”

“I’ve got contacts now,” River insisted. “Might be able to find someone who can help. We’ll find something.”

“We’re meetin’ a friend of mine after this,” Johnny said. “Says she has somethin’ for us.”

River narrowed his eyes. “What sorta friend?”

“A fixer.”

“Damn. Yeah, they’ll have a better shot than me.” River reached out to squeeze V’s hand. “But make sure you call if you need anythin’, alright?”

V nodded. “Will do,” she sighed. “Think we should go now. Can’t stop thinkin’, y’know?”

River nodded and called Joss back out to say goodbye. V felt tears pool in her eyes again as she hugged River, noticing his grip was a bit tighter than normal, his eyes brimming with concern as she pulled back. Johnny exchanged a stern nod with him. _Better than when we got here at least_ , she thought to herself, flipping open her holo. _Coming by soon_ , she messaged Rogue.

“C’mon,” she said to Johnny, holding his arm, “Let’s get going.”

He wrapped an arm round her waist as they walked. “Fuck, V, you look like you can barely stand.”

“I know,” she grunted. “You’re gonna have to drive again.”

_Just hold on a little longer_ , she told herself, looking up at Johnny. His eyes were tense, troubled. _Hold on for him._


	18. The Soviet

“Let’s hope this goes better than last time,” V sighed as they pulled up outside the Afterlife. It was busier now that the sun had set, the green neon lights masking the sickly pallid glow of V’s skin. She tapped her fingers on the dashboard, watching the solos come and go, all fit and in their prime, unlike her. _Just run in and out_ , she told herself, _no need to freak out about this_.

Johnny hummed in agreement, pulling out a smoke. “I’ll wait in the car this time,” he said. “Don’t want Rogue to kill me.”

She nodded and swallowed another pill.

“Should you be takin’ that many?” he asked with a frown.

“Feel like I’m gonna drop dead any fuckin’ second, Johnny,” she bit back. “A pill addiction is the least of my fuckin’ worries right now.”

He raised his hands in defeat as she jumped out the car, squeezing her way through the crowds at the door and throwing Claire a nod. No time to stop, though; her eyes were set on Rogue.

“Stop right there,” the huscle demanded, setting a large hand on her chest.

She wavered slightly, still weak, but managed to stay on her feet. “She’s expecting me.”

He glanced over his shoulder, moving aside as Rogue nodded.

“You look like shit,” she said as V flopped onto the couch.

“So I’ve heard.” V paused, trying to make herself relax. “What have you got for me?”

Rogue considered her for a moment. “Everything sorted?”

“As much as it can be.” She folded her hands tightly over her knees. “I need this lead, Rogue. Losing my fuckin’ mind.”

Rogue looked her up and down again but seemed to relent; her eyes glowed and V saw a contact jump up in her sights. No more small talk, to V’s relief. Straight to biz. “Found a doctor who thinks she can help. Specialises in genetic biology and neuroscience.”

V looked at the picture that popped up with the contact. A young woman, maybe in her mid-thirties, with long black hair and a perfectly sharp fringe. “Irena Orlov? Never heard of her,” she said doubtfully.

“Was one of Russia’s closely guarded secrets until recent years,” Rogue explained. “She’s a genius. Uncompromisingly brilliant and one of the best in her field.”

V thought for a moment, a bad taste in her mouth. “Which corp is she with?”

“No corp. She defected two years ago. Works on her own for the most part.”

That was even worse. “Nah, don’t buy it. If she’s so brilliant, someone would have poached her by now.” V thought back to what happened to Alt, then lowly added, “Or snatched her off the street.”

“She’s got family in high places and a heck of a runner on her team. As long as she’s in NC, she’s untouchable.” Rogue paused to down the shot of whiskey in front of her, immediately refilling it. “Used to have ties to Biotechnica, so if I had to guess, each corp is playing her for time, hoping she’ll break first.”

It didn’t sound right. Way too straight forward. “So what made her agree to help me?” V asked, eyes narrowed. Either she’d be paying a fortune, or selling her soul. Not that she had a soul to sell anymore.

“Gonna be honest – wasn’t interested at first. Tried my best to pitch it as a ‘pioneering opportunity’ of sorts, but _she_ said she didn’t care. But then I mentioned you by name – and _that_ got her interested.”

V crossed her arms. “Means she wants a job in return, right?”

“That’s my guess,” Rogue agreed. “If I wasn’t doin’ this as a favour, you’d never have gotten her name. Bitch thinks she knows how to play me… Clearly not incredibly smart outside her arena. But I’m not taking payment anyway, so what the hell.”

“Thanks, Rogue,” V nodded, looking down at her shaking hands. “I owe ya one.”

“I’m doing this for a reason, V. You led that raid, right? On ‘Saka?”

“Didn’t do it alone. Was with the nomads – with Panam.”

“Still, that took some skill.” The edge of Rogue’s lips curled into a slight smile. “Skill that I’m interested in. You finish _your_ biz, then we’re gonna talk about you doin’ some for me.”

V blinked. “So, what? I’ll be working off my debt?”

“Nothing like that. I’ve got plans for you.” She paused before offering V an envelope and gesturing for her to go, her expression as unreadable as ever. “This is for Johnny. Tell him… it’s good to have him back.”

V sighed… Was this really her best chance? Why the hell couldn’t this Orlov woman take payment like a normal fucking person? After a few minutes spent contemplating the situation, V headed back outside and returned to Johnny in the car. She downed another pill, and the shaking in her hands slowly began to stop.

“All good?” he asked.

“We’ll see,” V murmured. She passed the envelope to him. “This is for you.”

He peeked in the envelope and groaned.

“What’s up?” she asked.

“ID documents.”

“Uh huh? What’s the problem? You’re gonna need those.”

He rolled his eyes. “She’s probably given me a right gonk name.”

V shrugged. “Have a look.”

He pulled out a passport and flipped it open, immediately pulling a face. “John Linder.”

“Well, at least it’s your gonk name, right? Not even all of it.”

“I guess. She knows how much I hate it, though.” Johnny stuffed the envelope onto the back seat and started the engine. “C’mon, let’s delta. You’ve got a lead?”

“Looks like it,” V said, but she was unsure. Felt way too easy, this one woman having all the answers. No idea who she was, no idea what sorta job she had planned for her. But at least it was a start. “We’ll talk as you drive. I wanna go home.”

* * *

V let out a groan of exhaustion as they entered the apartment, immediately pulling off her shirt and flopping onto the bed. She felt lightheaded, but in a different way than she had earlier, like she could float away at any moment. _What does Night City look like from the sky_ , she wondered. Probably quite nice… Or maybe it wouldn’t, a necropolis of metal and neon, ugly as shit…

“Stop sleepin’ like that,” Johnny said, grabbing her legs and rotating her.

“But it’s comfy!” she protested, pulling a pillow under her head.

“No it ain’t. You always wake up with a stiff neck and complain about it.” He stood over her with his arms crossed. “Did my last fuckin’ nerve in.”

She shushed him with a smile on her face, opening her arms for him to snuggle into her and tracing her fingers down the length of his back as he complied. It had been so long since anyone had given her stupid butterflies like this. She’d forgotten how good it felt, holding another person. Least of all him.

“So this doctor is meant to be able to help us?” Johnny murmured into her neck, his facial hair prickling against her skin and sending a shiver through her.

“Hm? Well, according to Rogue, yeah.” _Don’t sound too convincing V_ , she scolded herself.

“What’d you say her name was?”

“Irena Orlov.”

He groaned. “Soviet?”

“Yup.”

“Hm.”

She pressed her lips to his forehead. “What’s wrong? Not convinced?”

“Are you?”

“Nope.” She paused. “But it’s all we’ve got. I say we call her in the mornin’ and set up a meet.”

“And you said she won’t just take payment?”

“Doesn’t sound like it. Was interested in me personally.”

Johnny leaned up slightly. “Fuck, V. You’ve barely been able to stand all afternoon. You gonna be able to work?”

“I don’t know,” she confessed. Actually, she was starting to feel a bit better. Stronger, with a burst of energy creeping through her gut. The lights on the ceiling shone playfully as she looked up, the colours streaming in from the street mesmerising. “Let’s just see what she wants first.”

“Not gonna let this bitch get you killed,” he said, rolling onto his side. His fingers rested on her tattoo for a moment, then travelled up her arm to touch the scar across her jaw.

“I got that one from Mexico,” she said.

Johnny nodded. “I remember. You’re gonna come outta this one even worse if we’re not careful.”

V reached out and poked him on the nose. “You’re cute.”

“The fuck you say to me?” He cupped her face in his hand and frowned as he gently pulled down her bottom eyelid. “Fuck, V, are you _high_?”

She pushed his hand away. “Huh?”

“Your _eyes_ – go look.”

She rolled over him and wobbled into the bathroom. He was right; her pupils were dilated. Did cybernetic _do_ that? She supposed she had no way of knowing – she’d never been high before in her life.

“Told you not to take too many of those fuckin’ pills,” he called after her, not moving from the bed.

“Huh,” V hummed, staring into the mirror. The fuck kinda pills had Vik given her? “I feel good though. Like I can actually stand up on my own.”

“Yeah, gettin’ high will do that that.”

She stayed in front of the mirror, pulling faces at her reflection. Damn, she hadn’t felt this good in weeks. Johnny appeared in the doorway, shaking his head at her. “Maybe call this Russian now, then,” he suggested. “It’s only 6pm.”

“Good idea,” V agreed. “Can’t sleep now, anyway.”

She ambled over to the couch and picked a knife up from the coffee table, turning it round in her hand as she considered what she was going to say. Johnny silently removed it from her and placed it back down. “You’re no fun,” she complained half-heartedly. “Alright, I’m ready. Not sure what makes this woman tick, though, so if I start sounding like a corpo don’t go fucking off again.”

He rolled his eyes at her, gesturing for her to get on and make the call. “Worry more about _her_. Bet she’s gonna be a right cunt.”

V hushed him, throwing him an anxious glance as the holo bleeped away. Was she not going to pick up? Eight bleeps… Nine… Then her image finally flashed up. She looked a bit different than she did in the picture Rogue had sent; still had the same sharp fringe, but an asymmetrical haircut, longer at the front than it was at the back, and piercing gold eyeliner that shimmered with each movement she made. Her eyes, though… Pure black cybernetics. V had almost opted for the same look years ago, but Jackie had talked her out of it, saying it would be way too spooky. He’d been right.

“Doctor Orlov?” V asked. “This is V. Rogue Amendiares called on my behalf.”

The doctor was expressionless. Cold and calculating. She spoke with the hint of a Russian accent, but seemed she’d managed to shed most of it over the years. “I know who you are. The fixer has explained everything to me, so save your breath.”

 _Not exactly friendly_ … Johnny threw her a look that screamed out _I told you so_.

“Right…” V said awkwardly. “Just callin’ to set up a meet.”

“I work out of my apartment in Charter Hill. I’ll send you the address. Meet me at 8am.” She paused. “Oh, and make sure you bring the other one.”

“The other what?”

“The other engram,” she rolled her eyes. “Your rockerboy, of course.”

“Oh, Johnny?” She looked at him with uncertainty. Rogue really _had_ told her everything. “I mean, sure.”

“Very good. Don’t be late. Or early.” The doctor promptly hung up.

She looked at Johnny. “The fuck is her problem?”

“See? Total cunt.”

V sighed and stood up, restlessly swinging her arms and quietly singing under her breath. She had way too much energy and felt ready to crash at any moment.

“You singin’ one of Kerry’s?” Johnny asked.

“Mhm.”

He moved over to her music player and fiddled around until he found the song, turning the volume up loud. “Better?”

She smiled in excitement, pulling him to join her as she started to dance. He rolled his eyes but smiled back as she wrapped her arms round him.

“Kerry sent me a vid of you from the other night,” he told her, “Of you playin’.”

“Shit,” she laughed, spinning round. “I haven’t played in years. Probably wasn’t much good.”

“Yes you were,” he insisted. “Why’d you never tell me? That you played?”

She shrugged. “Guess I figured you wouldn’t care.”

“You really are a gonk, V.” He held her close against his chest, resting his chin on top of her head. “I’m fuckin’ obsessed with you.”

Johnny paused for a moment and stared off to the side. V followed his line of sight, to the bottles of tequila left on the floor by the couch. She’d bought him a good couple after leaving the Badlands, and he’d made his way through at least half of them before they’d fucked off to Kerry’s. He silently let go of her hands and picked up them up, dumping the empty ones in the trash and emptying the rest down the sink without so much as flinching.

She watched him closely, surprised. “You’re serious about that, huh?”

“’Course I am.”

V smiled and let out a yawn. “Fuck, I’m tired again.”

He nodded and walked back over to kiss her. “Let’s sleep, gotta be up early.”

“Stay with me, okay?”

“Always. Not goin’ anywhere.”


	19. Irena

Johnny didn’t think much of the Orlov woman. Not over the holo, not when the elevator doors opened to her waiting with her arms crossed, and certainly not when she immediately pulled out a needle to stab into V.

“Hold on, hold on,” he interrupted as the doctor advanced on V, who stood frozen with wide eyes and a look of bewilderment. “You gonna explain what you’re doin’?”

She didn’t look Soviet anymore, that was for sure, having clearly taken well to the glam of America. The sharpness of her appearance was juxtaposed against her utterly blank and cold expression, dead black eyes boring into Johnny as she stared into him with disapproval.

“Doctor Orlov,” V added, all the more civilised than Johnny could manage. “Rogue didn’t tell us much other than to meet with you.”

She paused, then set the needle down with a frustrated huff. “If we’re going to work together, you may call me Irena.”

“ _Irena_ – what exactly is the plan here?”

She ignored V’s question and gestured to Johnny. “This is Silverhand?”

V nodded, clearly equally as impatient as Irena was.

“Interesting.”

_Great_ , Johnny thought as she looked him up and down, _another psycho scientist_. No way was he gonna be this bitch’s lab rat.

Irena gestured for them to sit. Her apartment felt more like a hospital than a home, chrome surfaces glistening white and scientific apparatus spread out everywhere. Hell, there wasn’t one clear surface in sight. Even the kitchen was littered with glass cylinders and test tube racks. “I will run tests,” she explained. “Namely, I will need blood samples and a scan.”

V nodded as she rested her elbows on her knees. “Alright, I can do that. But what exactly do you want from _me_?”

Irena sat back, arms crossed. “We will discuss that shortly. But it will be something I require in order to help you, so it will be in your best interests to assist me.” She paused, looking off to the side. “In any case, I understand you do not have much time, correct?”

“Right.” V looked down at her hands. _Thanks for reminding her, you cold-hearted bitch_ , Johnny thought to himself.

“In that case, we will begin testing and treatment immediately, concurrent to the task I have for you to fulfil.”

V blinked. “And you’re alright with that?”

“Yes. Should I not be?”

“Just not usually how things are done in Night City,” V laughed nervously.

“I am aware. But I have been told there’s no better motivator than impending death.” Yup, definitely cold hearted. And _much_ worse than a bitch.

“Have you done anythin’ like this before?” he asked, eyes narrowed. If this was V’s best chance, shit was worse than he’d thought.

“Not really. Which is why we must do the tests.”

V sighed. She didn’t sound hopeful, and Johnny couldn’t blame her. “Alright. How’re we doin’ this then?”

Irena stood up again. “Natalia!” she called out.

A few moments later, another woman entered the room, hands filled with loose circuitry and wiring. She was clad in a neon green netrunner suit, blonde hair slicked back into a tight ponytail. “Huh?” she asked. “I’m busy.”

“The merc is here, the one I told you about. Run the scans with me?”

“Oh? That’s her?” She moved over to the side and set everything down on the counter, then regarded V. Despite her name, she wasn’t Russian; not a trace of an accent, and she didn’t have the look about her, not like Irena did. “Nice to meet you. You will have to excuse Irena’s… _pragmatism_. You’re in good hands here.”

Irena ignored her comment. “This is Natalia. She’s a netrunner, and my wife. Keeps the corps off us.”

“Your wife?” V asked. “You left the USSR together?”

Natalia perked up. “Oh, no, I’m not Soviet. Well, not _really_. My mother was. Raised me here.”

Johnny sat in silence as he watched the conversation unfold. Irena and Natalia couldn’t be more different. And then there was V, altogether completely unlike them both. He wondered how he looked sat there beside the three of them, whether his displacement in this decade was as clear as Irena’s nationality was. After a few more minutes, the two women beckoned Johnny and V to follow them into the next room. From a quick glance, he guessed it used to be a bedroom, but had been gutted out and replaced with a scanner and piles of clunky machinery.

“We’ll take a scan of your body and brain,” Irena explained, gesturing for V to lay down. She slowly complied, throwing Johnny an anxious glance as she moved. He knew how much she hated this, and he did, too. “And a blood sample.”

V flinched as the needle went into her arm, but it was over quicker than Johnny expected. He watched Irena carefully, at how she held the needle, at how fast she worked. She certainly seemed to know what she was doing despite her lack of people skills. At least that was one good sign. The scanner flashed over V, orange lights snaking across her skin and bouncing off her red eyes.

“Finished,” Natalia announced, indicating for V to stand again.

“Are you taking any medication?” Irena asked.

V pulled a bottle of pills out her pocket, passing them over in silence.

Irena examined them with a frown and shook her head, her black eyes glistening under the bright lights even more malignly than V’s had. “These won’t do much for you.”

“Well, my ripper ain’t a neuroscientist, so what do _you_ suggest?”

Irena moved to the wall and opened a large metal cabinet, its inside filled with shelves upon shelves of pills. She scanned its contents for a moment before grabbing a bottle and tossing it to V. “One in the morning and one at night. You should feel an immediate effect, so take one now.”

V complied without comment.

“Now, I need to scan him, too,” she jabbed a finger at Johnny.

“No fuckin’ way,” he protested. Fuck, he should have expected this. “We didn’t agree to that.”

“It doesn’t matter what you agreed to. I need to understand how the biochip worked, and that means examining both of you.”

Johnny sighed. What a massive fuckin’ nightmare… But he needed to do this for V, so swallowed his pride and hopped onto the table beneath the scanner. V watched, arms crossed.

“All done.”

“You think you can help?” V asked. She looked scared. Johnny wanted nothing more than for this all to be over for her.

“Probably. Theoretically.”

“ _Theoretically_ doesn’t sound promising,” Johnny noted. Fuck, this bitch was doing his head in.

“I can’t promise anything,” she shrugged. “That isn’t how science works. But I _should_ be able to figure out how to repair your neural pathways, your genes, prevent any more damage… Adapted stem cell therapy should be sufficient. But I need to figure out the details.”

V nodded. “And in the meantime?”

“Hold on,” Natalia interjected, “I need to run your bloods.”

One of the machines blurred away as they stood in awkward silence, then Natalia passed a tablet to Irena, an eyebrow raised. “This is fascinating,” she murmured, seemingly to herself. “I’ve never seen anything like it.”

After a few minutes, Irena turned back to V. “Alright, let’s talk.”

They moved back into the living area, leaving Natalia behind. V tightly grasped Johnny’s hand… He didn’t need to be in her head to know how anxious she was.

Irena stood in front of the large windows, staring out across the skyline. “When we first arrived in Night City, I worked for a while with Biotechnica,” she explained. “The specifics of my work with them are not important, only that it concerned gene therapy. And when I left, they kept it all – as they have a perchance of doing. I want you to get it back.”

V sat thoughtfully for a moment. “Where’s it bein’ held?” she asked.

“NC headquarters.”

“Fuck,” she muttered, tapping her fingernails on the counter. “That won’t be easy.”

“Which is why I need the best.” Irena paused. “It’s important to me. I _need_ it.”

“You can’t reproduce it?” Johnny asked. It was perhaps the first glimpse of human emotion he’d seen in her since they’d arrived. There was something she wasn’t telling them…

She shook her head. “No. I cannot.”

“So you want me to break into Biotechnica’s headquarters and steal… what is it exactly?” V asked.

“A shard. I expect it’s in their archives. Either that, or the labs.”

“And these pills will make me feel better for now? Been dead on my feet these last few days.”

“Yes,” she nodded. “Give it an hour and you’ll start feeling normal again. They’re hard to get hold of, so don’t take more than you need to.”

“You can’t expect her to do a job like this blind,” Johnny added. “Floor plans? Security map?”

“Ah, yes, Natalia has all that. I’ll ask her to send it over. She can also help while V is inside. Their ICE isn’t as good as they think it is. At least, not for a Soviet runner.” _Ah, that good old Soviet exceptionalism_ …

V looked at Johnny as they headed back towards the elevator. He found it difficult to read her expression… She looked thoughtful, apprehensive, yet not as disagreeable as he’d like. Why was she even entertaining this bullshit? “Right. Okay. I guess I’ll go make plans, prep…”

“Yes, please do,” Irena said. “Call me when you are ready.”

Johnny didn’t like the sound of any of it. Even with pills, no way V was gonna be up to this. He knew she’d done worse jobs, for worse people… But it felt different now, letting her go ahead with all this shit. If it was up to him, he’d have told the good doctor to fuck off and go to hell, but he managed to bite his tongue until they got outside.

“Fuck, V. Nope,” he immediately announced. “No way you can manage this. Sure, it’s not Arasaka but still… You’re _sick_.”

“Don’t worry, Johnny.” She placed a hand on his shoulder and looked up at him, still deep in thought. “Just hear me out, okay? C’mon, let’s go somewhere we can sit down. There’s a restaurant down this road.”

“Huh? Oh, right, you used to live round here.” _That’s_ why everything felt so familiar… How had he forgotten?

“Yup.” She linked her arm through his. “Know all the best places.”

The restaurant in question was way too fancy for people like Johnny and V. She didn’t pull him inside, at least, gesturing instead to one of the outdoor tables. He tried to imagine her sat in the same spot a decade earlier, younger with brown hair and ‘ganic eyes, but couldn’t. He’d may as well be trying to conjure up a different person entirely. The waitress cautiously approached, looking them up and down with uncertainty, but V waved her away.

“Don’t worry,” she said, “If they tell us to piss off, I’ll just order to fancy bottle of wine and they’ll shut up.”

Johnny put his legs up on the table, staring down the waitress as she glared at him from inside. “So, Irena Orlov… What did you think of her?”

“Not sure,” V shrugged. “Bit of a bitch, but knows her shit, so I can’t complain.”

“This job will kill you, V. If you think I’m just gonna sit by and –“

“If it was anyone but Biotechnica, you’d be right,” V interrupted. “But I know someone who works for them. Someone who will help us.”

He wasn’t convinced. Since when did V have contacts like _that_? “Uh huh? You gonna tell me who?”

She winced, sitting back in her chair and grasping the armrests as she stared up at the sky. “My mother.”

Johnny raised an eyebrow. “Your mother? V, you fuckin’ hate your parents.”

“I know… I kept tabs on them, though, just in case they stirred up more shit. They left Militech a few years back – for Biotechnica. No idea why.”

Johnny thought for a moment. He hadn’t seen any semblance of a happy family life in her head, but sometimes when she spoke about her childhood, she sounded wistful and strained, like the good parts were even more painful to recall than the bad. “What’s she like?” he asked.

“The biggest fuckin’ cunt you could imagine.”

“Worse than your dad?”

“Dunno,” V sighed, leaning forward again. “Not really. But she always stood by…”

Johnny hummed knowingly. “Let him hit you?”

She winced again, this time with a look of embarrassed. “Fuck, you saw all that, huh?”

“Yeah, well. You’re not the only one with a bastard of a father.”

She shook her head sadly. “You’ve just been runnin’ from trauma to trauma, haven’t you, Johnny?”

He grunted in agreement. From Texas, to war, to NC and Mikoshi… “So have you,” he pointed out.

She sighed. “Feel like I can actually breathe here. Now I gotta call the bitch and ruin it.”

Johnny still wasn’t convinced. “Thought your parents disowned you? Why would she help?”

“‘Cause I’m her worst fuckin’ nightmare,” V laughed. “All their friends think I’m dead, you know that? Was the easiest way to save face when they kicked me out. If I so much as _threaten_ to show my face, she’ll shit herself.”

“That bad, huh?”

“Yup.” She paused for a moment, sucking in a deep breath. “So we’ve got floor plans, a netrunner, hopefully someone on the inside… Should be a piece of cake. Won’t even have to lift a finger. Just walk on in, klep the shard, get out.”

“That’s what you said about Konpeki Plaza, remember?”

“No I didn’t. This ain’t like that, anyway. It _won’t_ be.”

There was no point in arguing, that much Johnny knew. Best he could do was keep an eye on her, make sure her plan didn’t end up completely fucked. If it wasn’t for him, she wouldn’t have to risk her life like this. She wouldn’t be fuckin’ dying in the first place. Fuck, he really did destroy everything he touched… But that cycle had to stop here, with her. He was gonna get her through this, or die trying.


	20. Valencia

V shuffled through the papers in her desk drawer, cursing herself for being so messy as her heart pounded in her chest. Everything felt like it was spiralling out of control, like she could barely breathe… She certainly hadn’t woken up that morning expecting to be calling her mother of all people. But if it was a choice between speaking to _her_ and dying, well, V would just have to suck it up.

Finally, she found what she was looking for, shoved right at the back – a slick black business card covered in angry scribbles, its white lettering darkened with age.

“Here’s her number,” she said, holding it up triumphantly to show Johnny. “Knew it was here somewhere.”

He frowned at it, arms crossed. “Valencia. You named after her?”

_Ugh_. “Yeah… She’s an egotistical freak. Didn’t want me to have her _exact_ name, ‘cause of course I’d never live up to it.” V paused to roll her eyes dramatically. “So she went with something close.”

Johnny stared her down as he pulled out a smoke. She hated that look… He was the only person who could see right through her, no matter how hard she tried to mask her feelings. Didn’t even need to be in her damn head to know. “You sure you’re okay with this?” he asked.

“No,” she confessed with a nervous laugh. “But you were right – too fuckin’ weak to do this by myself. Gonna need her. May as well take the chance to remind her what a bitch she is.”

“Maybe, y’know, try to be civil?”

V glared at him. “That’s fuckin’ rich, comin’ from you.”

Johnny shrugged as he settled on the couch. “I mean, do what you want, but won’t be much use if she hangs up on ya right away.”

He was right, of course, but V couldn’t bring herself to think about it. She couldn’t bring herself to think about anything at all, actually, quickly calling the number before she had time to freak herself out and back down. V bit the inside of her lip as Valencia’s face flicked up after several short blips, her eyes quickly widening as recognition dawned on her. Fuck, she didn’t look any different than she had years ago… Same expensive chrome, same expensive face plate, same sour expression.

“ _Valerie?_ ” she spluttered in shock.

“Hi, Valencia.” V already couldn’t hold back – her tone was thick with hatred, not far off from a sneer.

“Valencia…? – I’m your _mother_.”

“Sure, sure,” V rolled her eyes. “Whatever you say. Not here for a fuckin’ social call, though, so listen up.”

“Huh?” Valencia blinked dumbly. “What the _hell_? Valerie, I heard you _died_!”

“You wish,” V laughed. “Not dead yet. Sorry to disappoint.”

“I don’t want you dead, stupid girl,” she shook her head. “God, you had no idea how –“

“Save your breath, you miserable hag,” V interrupted.

“ _Fuck’s sake_ ,” Johnny muttered under his breath, pinching the bridge of his nose. She knew exactly what he was thinking, but she didn’t care. Besides, it was impossible to genuinely antagonise Valencia. She was way too egocentric for that.

V turned her attention back to the holo. “Need a favour from you,” she added.

“Christ, Valerie.” Valencia threw her head back in frustration. “This is ridiculous.”

“No it ain’t. Sooner you help me out, sooner I leave you alone.”

“Stop talking like street trash.”

“Sorry, picked it up when you, y’know, _threw me out_.”

Johnny started gesturing for her to cut it out, so she turned her back on him, way too angry to listen. Fuck, even looking at the woman filled her with unbridled rage. Maybe this hadn’t been a good idea after all…

“What do you want?” Valencia asked, eyes narrowed.

“Access to Biotechnica HQ. In Night City, I mean. Archives and the labs.”

“Huh? Why, exactly?”

“Not your business.”

“So, let me get this straight… You want me to risk my career – my _life_ – just because you _ask_ me to?”

“Yup.” V paused and shot her mother a wide grin. “Because if you don’t, I’m gonna make sure everyone knows _all_ the dirt I’ve got on you. And God knows I’ve got a whole fuckin’ lot.”

Valencia looked off to the side in thought. It was a mannerism V recognised in herself, and she hated it. “Actually, I have a different idea,” she said.

“This isn’t a negotiation.”

“I need help, Valerie.”

V laughed bitterly. “Do I look like I give a shit?”

“I’m serious.” She lowered her voice. “Valerie, I _hate_ your father. He’s a goddamn _psychopath_.”

“You only just figured that out, huh?”

“I’ve been trying to leave him for two years,” she continued, “But he _always_ finds me, whether it’s through blackmail, kidnapping… He’s done it all. I’m _stuck_ , Valerie.”

“Oh, please,” V scoffed, “Don’t talk like you’re his poor little victim. You stood by as he beat the fuckin’ crap outta me. You _let_ him do that.”

“I know, okay, I know. I’m not asking you this as your mother, I’m asking as a _client_. And in return, I’ll help you with Biotechnica, no questions asked.”

“Or I could just –“

“Blackmail me? Please, Valerie. You think I don’t have a dozen contingency plans ready? That this hasn’t happened a million times before? At this point, anything you do would hurt your father more than me, and I welcome that.”

_Fuck_. V could tell by the look in the bitch’s eye that she was serious. Things must really be bad… Not that V _cared_ , but it meant her edge wasn’t as cutting as she’d hoped it would be. 

“Fine,” she finally agreed through gritted teeth. “What do you want exactly?”

“Need you to keep him away from me. Pick me up, get me somewhere safe – where he can’t get to me again. That’s it.”

“Fuck. You’re a massive bitch, you know that, right?”

Valencia’s mouth curled into a slight smile. “So I’ve been told.”

“Alright. What time do you usually leave the apartment? Go out? Go to work? Whatever the fuck it is you do with your miserable life.”

“About 3pm.”

“You have until then to get your shit sorted. I’ll pick you up, we’ll stay at mine until after dark to make sure no one follows you.”

“Thank you, Valerie.”

“Don’t thank me,” V snapped. “And stop calling me that. You still in the same place?”

“Yes.”

“Fine. See you later.” She promptly hung up before Valencia had the chance to spout anymore bullshit, then low added to herself, “Bitch.”

Johnny dropped his cigarette into the ash tray and shook his head in disapproval. “Fuck, V, that wasn’t exactly smooth.”

She turned around and threw a punch at the wall, letting out a loud groan of frustration. “Fuckin’ cunt!”

“Alright, alright,” Johnny sighed, suddenly behind her and pulling her into his chest. “See the pills are workin’ at least?”

“Mhm.”

“Don’t worry about her, okay?” he assured her. “We’ll get rid of her by tonight. What’s there to be scared of?”

V pulled away from him and started pacing back and forth. “Not scared, just… She knows how to get in people’s heads. Didn’t wanna give her that chance.”

“She won’t, V. You’re too strong for that.”

“Not worried about me, Johnny. She’ll wanna mess with _you_. That’s what she does. Bitch loves fuckin’ my life up.”

He laughed. “C’mon V, you can’t be serious.”

“It’s not funny,” she insisted.

Johnny laughed again and strode over to her, picking her up with a playful grin on his face.

“Cut it out!” she demanded. “Put me down, Silverhand.”

He dropped her onto the bed, kissing her hard before rolling over next to her. They both stared ahead of themselves, at the ceiling.

“Let’s not think about her right now,” he said. “We have all day, right? What do you wanna do?”

“Nothin’,” she grumbled. “Just wanna stay here.”

“Alright.” He paused. “What about after all this shit is sorted? What we gonna do?”

V sighed. “I dunno, Johnny. Feels so far away. Like I might not even get there.”

“You will, V.”

“What will _you_ do,” she asked, “If I don’t make it.”

She felt him stiffen next to her. “Sell all your cars,” he said.

“ _Seriously?_ ”

He let out a huff and moved to hug her. “Don’t wanna think about it, V. Fuckin’ sucks.”

“Why?” she teased, “Can’t live without me, Silverhand?

“Actually, _no,_ ” he murmured into her neck, “I fuckin’ can’t, V.”

“C’mon,” she pressed, not quite willing to take him seriously. “You have a whole second life ahead of you. Could do whatever you want.”

He leaned up to glare at her. “You think I see anythin’ but you when I think about it? Fuck’s sake. Don’t bullshit me.”

She turned to face him, cupping his cheek in her hand. “I love you. A whole fuckin’ lot.”

He kissed her again, but this time didn’t pull back. V pulled him close, her hands travelling under his shirt as he smirked.

“Didn’t wanna push things too far,” he said, “Not while you’re sick. But you make it real damn hard.”

“Feel good as new on Irena’s pills.” To prove it, she pulled herself on top of him, placing a hand on his chest. The thumping of his heart as she kissed his neck was intoxicating, and she felt her own breath labour as he began to undress her. She shivered at the feeling of cold metal creeping across her skin, at the taste of him in her mouth.

“Fuck, V, why do you always have to wear such tight fuckin’ clothes?”

She laughed as she helped him shimmy her trousers off. “That’s your fault,” she said. “Think I picked up on your fashion sense. Used to only wear shorts, remember?”

“That’s bullshit. You wore the tightest fuckin’ shorts imaginable.”

She watched as he undressed, propping herself up on her elbows as he crawled back across the bed towards her. How long had she wanted this? How long had _he?_ She traced his tattoos with her fingers, the scars down his chest, taking in every inch of his body. It was strange seeing him like this, not through his memories but through her own eyes.

Johnny moved his lips down her neck, her chest, then paused by her inner thigh. “You got shot here?” he asked.

“Got shot twice, actually,” she replied, pointing to the second shiny scar a few inches away. “Definitely wouldn’t recommend it. Nearly bled to death.”

V leaned up to kiss him again, tightly winding her fingers through his hair and wrapping her legs round his waist, trapping his body against her’s. After all that time spent in each other’s heads, they knew exactly where to touch each other, exactly how to kiss each other’s lips. Invigorated by the hotness of his breath, V felt the rhythm of her own breathing quicken to a pant as he finally entered her. Her cheeks flush as Johnny pried her hands away from him, pinning them above her head as he thrust into her and kissed her neck. She allowed it for a moment, squirming with pleasure beneath his touch, but soon broke free again and flipped him onto his back with a mischievous smirk.

“Fuck,” he laughed. “Those pills really are working.”

“Uh huh,” she smiled playfully. “Don’t worry. Got enough energy to go for hours.”

* * *

V wiped a hand towel across the surface of the mirror, staring at her reflection with suspicion as she adjusted her crop top. Despite everything going on, she hadn’t felt this happy in what felt like years, and it didn’t seem real in the slightest. If V had learnt anything, it was that she wasn’t the sort of person who was easily granted happiness. But then again, neither was Johnny, so perhaps it made sense for them to find that happiness within each other. Still, it felt like more than that. They weren’t just happier together, or using each other for an emotional crutch, but were actually managing to make themselves better people, too.

“Y’know, kinda figured you’d like Irena more than you did,” she said as Johnny sat on the computer, towel wrapped round his waist.

“Huh? Why’s that?”

“’Cause of her bein’ all anti-corp and shit.”

“Pft. She ain’t anti-corp, V.” He turned to face her. “She’s happy leavin’ everyone else to deal with the fuckers as long as they stay clear of her.”

V hummed in acknowledgement. She supposed he was right. Irena definitely wasn’t interested in the people’s plight. “Wish I knew more about her,” she muttered. “Don’t like working with an enigma.”

“Yeah? What about Evelyn? You knew shit all about her.”

“Evelyn was… I dunno. Can’t say I really thought my life was on the line goin’ into Konpeki Plaza. I mean, I did, in an abstract kinda way. But it didn’t feel _real_. Things are different now.” She paused. “Still can’t help but wonder… if I’d done better, if I’d thought about it more… Then maybe Jackie…”

“No good thinkin’ that way, V. You can’t change the past. That’s one thing I’ve had to come to terms with.”

V sighed and moved to sit in his lap. “I know. It’s at times like these when I just… really fuckin’ miss him. Woulda dropped anythin’ to help me out right now, and probably woulda had a hell of a time doin’ it, too.”

Johnny wrapped an arm round her. “Just take one day at a time. We’ll make sure it’s a job that woulda made him proud.”

She sighed again. “Can’t believe I’m gonna have to see my goddamn _mother_ in two hours. Last fuckin’ person I wanna deal with.”

“When was the last time you saw her?”

V thought for a moment. “Honestly, not since they kicked me out. Spoke to her last… Well, I guess when I joined Arasaka. Just to rub her nose in it, y’know?” She paused for a moment. “If you wanna delta while I deal with her, I won’t mind.”

Johnny shook his head and ran V’s hair through his fingers. “Nah, wanna be around if you need me.”

“She’s gonna hate you.”

“So? Lots of people hate me.”

“Yeah, true,” she snickered. “Just try to leave her to me, okay? When I head out, I’m gonna set up a camera down the hall. Hopefully will stop anyone sneakin’ up on us when we get back.”

Johnny nodded. “Got it. So I watch the camera, you watch her?”

“Exactly.” V jumped up and shrugged a jacket on. Her hand passed over the Samurai replica for a moment, but decided against it – she didn’t want to give Valencia even the slightest insight into her life.

“I’ll head over there now,” she added. “Scope the area out a bit first, beat the traffic.”

Johnny nodded. “Don’t get stabbed.”

“No promises.”


	21. In Good Faith

V stood in front of her parents’ apartment building, arms crossed over the heavy pit growing in her gut and unimpressed with the situation she’d landed herself in. _Weird_ , she thought. It looked like every other building in the area, glitzy and silver against the backdrop of rusted megabuildings, but the sight of it made her hopeless and weak. Why had she agreed to come here? Why couldn’t she shred herself of the good memories she had of Valencia? Sure, she’d actually been a mom to her for a time. They’d sat together on the balcony every night, drinking sangria, and fly to LA for long weekends… But that didn’t matter anymore. Whoever that woman had been was dead as far as V was concerned – or hadn’t even existed in the first place

She pulled out her holo. _I’m outside._

Fifteen minutes later, the doors opened, and she was there. The bitch herself, dressed in white velvet and dragging a large suitcase behind her. V looked away from her and glanced down to check the wheels of her Hella, trying to appear as disinterested as possible.

“You couldn’t have packed lighter?” V grumbled as Valencia’s shadow stopped next to her. She took a deep breath and pushed away the unwanted emotions threatening to rise. That was shit she could deal with later – ideally _years_ later. Not here. Not now.

“Most of it’s tech,” she explained, stopping in front of V with a hand on her hip. “Not clothes.”

V considered her for a moment. “Yeah, I don’t believe you. Get it in the car yourself.”

“You couldn’t have brought a _nicer_ car? We’ll stick out like a sore thumb.”

“Not in Watson we won’t.”

“ _Watson?_ ” Valencia wrinkled her nose. “You live in _Watson_ now?”

V ignored her comment, jumping into the car and waiting for her to join. Valencia struggled with the suitcase for a while, then slipped next to V and slammed the door shut, trapping the strong waft of roses inside with them. _Stupid fuckin’ expensive-ass perfume_ …

“I assume security will have eyes on you?” V asked.

“No. Your father is delusional and confident that I would never leave him, despite me having done so five times.” She paused to check her makeup in a tiny handheld mirror. “He usually only sends his people after I’ve disappeared for a day or two.”

“Right.” V started the engine. “The fuck’s goin’ on with him? He was never _that_ batshit.”

“Yes, he was, Valerie,” Valencia murmured. “Anyway, it’s good to see you.”

“Uh huh.”

“I mean it.”

“Just… Let’s just be quiet, okay?” V sighed in annoyance. “Need to concentrate.”

Valencia fell silent. The drive was unbearably awkward, and V wasn’t quite sure why her mother needed _her_ help in particular. If no one was tailing her, what was the problem? Why couldn’t she do this herself? She decided against asking questions; honestly, it was probably more of a power move than anything. As long as she did what V asked of her, she didn’t care.

“ _Seriously_?!” Valencia exclaimed as they pulled up into the garage of V’s megabuilding. “You live _here_?”

“Didn’t ask for your opinion,” V snapped, making her way towards the elevator without so much as a pause. “Suck it up.”

She looked back over her shoulder, trapping her foot in the closing doors as she noticed that Valencia had not moved from the car. “The fuck you doin’?” she demanded.

Valencia blinked. “Getting my bag?”

“Why? You’re not stayin’ for more than a few fuckin’ hours.”

“Need my laptop.”

“Just – just get the laptop out then?” V already felt exasperated by her.

Valencia again complied in icy silence, catching up just as the elevator doors snapped closed, a briefcase tucked under her arm. V tried her best to ignore her sour expression and perpetual pout as they made their way towards the apartment, shooting a quick glance up and down the hallway before ushering inside and slamming the door closed behind them

Valencia immediately jumped and let out a quiet yelp before settling again, hand on her chest. “ _Christ_ ,” she sighed, “Could have warned me you had someone here.”

“That’s not your business,” V said, throwing Johnny a cautious glare that demanded he remain quiet. He sat on the couch, legs outstretched and eyes glued to his holo with a smirk of amusement on his face. A half-eaten burrito lay on the cushion next to him. _Told you not to eat that junk_ , she thought to herself. They hadn’t had any real food in weeks.

Valencia moved towards the wardrobe, folding herself onto the ground as she dug the laptop out of her briefcase. “You sure we weren’t followed?”

“For now, yeah.” V paused. “What are you doin’?”

“Sorting out everything you need for Biotechnica. Figured you wouldn’t let me use your computer, if you have one.”

V glared at her. “If you so much as touch _any_ of my shit, you’re out. On the fuckin’ _street_. Got it?”

“Understood.” Valencia stared at Johnny out the corner of her eye. _Not exactly subtle_. “Who’s this?”

“Told you – not your business.”

She was quiet for a moment, but clearly couldn’t help herself. “Didn’t know you were with someone?”

“How _would_ you know? We don’t talk. You don’t _have_ a daughter.”

“Valerie…”

“I told you to stop calling me that.” V sat down on the desk chair, wheeling it to the centre of the apartment so that she could watch Valencia more closely. “Tell me what you’re doin’. What do I need to get in?”

“ID, mostly. I’ll make you a guest card, on my authority.”

“And what if your wonderful husband _does_ notice you’re gone? Won’t he let the corp know?”

“Oh, no, that would embarrass him,” Valencia laughed, like it was the most obvious answer on earth. “We usually keep any problems between ourselves.”

“Right.” V spun slightly on her chair as she thought. “So an ID card, what else?”

“You’ll have unrestricted Level 3 access. It’s the highest I can give you without raising eyebrows. Should get you close enough to the labs and archives, but then you’ll have to improvise.”

“That really the best you can do?” V huffed. All this just for basic access? _What a nightmare_.

“Unfortunately. No guests are given anything beyond Level 3, not on their own.” She paused. “Unless you want me to come with you. I can let you into the labs with ease. Not sure about the archives, though. Usually need a reason to be there.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Alright, then.” She glanced again at Johnny. “What’s his name?”

“Don’t talk to him,” V instructed. “Just do what you gotta do.”

Johnny chuckled to himself, eyes still on the holo.

V glared at him. “The fuck you laughin’ at?”

“Nothin’,” he smirked. “Just messagin’ Kerry.”

“Uh huh?” She narrowed her eyes. “About what?”

“Well, _this_ ,” he gestured lazily towards V and Valencia. “Pretty funny to watch.”

She blinked at him. “Johnny?”

“Yeah?”

“Shut the _fuck_ up.”

The ID flashed up on V’s holo and Valencia cleared her throat. “You’ll need a cover story, too,” she added. “A reason why you’re there.”

V shook her head at Johnny one last time before turning her attention back to Valencia. “Uh huh? Anything in mind?”

“New PA. I fired my old one last week, so it’ll hold credit. Say you’re there to pick somethin’ up from my office. It’s in the direction of the labs, so shouldn’t raise suspicions.”

“Can’t imagine you’d hire a PA with my hair colour.”

“Oh, true.” Valencia thought for a moment. “You really should change it, Valerie. You looked much better a brunette.”

“And _you_ look better without the tacky blazer, but don’t see _me_ complaining.” Johnny snickered again, and V shot him another hard glare. “Stop messagin’ Kerry, _geez!_ ”

“Just you going in?” Valencia asked.

“Yeah, yeah, don’t need –“

“V…” Johnny interjected, expression suddenly serious as he waved her over. “You see this? Suits.”

“Shit.” Good job he’d been watching the camera; she’d completely forgotten about it… Fuck, Valencia made it impossible for her to think straight. It had been bad enough talking to her on the holo, but having her here… It hurt. More than V had expected.

“You said security wouldn’t be on us,” V snapped at her mother.

“They _shouldn’t_ be,” Valencia insisted. “But that does raise the matter of the tracker.”

“The _what_?”

“That’s why I needed help,” she continued, expression blank. “Need it cut out of me, or it sends an alert to our security firm when I leave the city. No ripper I’ve found will remove it – no one wants the trouble, I suppose.”

V pinched the bridge of her nose. “You didn’t think to tell me about this before _now_ , huh? Don’t remember you bein’ this fuckin’ dumb.”

“It won’t be a problem unless I try to leave NC.”

“Go check it out,” Johnny insisted. “She ain’t gonna do shit.”

“Johnny…” She _really_ didn’t want to leave him alone with her.

“Seriously, V.” He pulled out a smoke, still lounging on the couch like nothing in the world could bother him. “Better safe than sorry.”

She sighed and walked back over to Valencia. “Don’t fuckin’ move, and don’t say _anything_ , got it?”

“Sure.” _God, she way she smiled_ … Like a fuckin’ snarling animal about to pounce…

Throwing one last warning glance at Johnny, V headed into the hallway and started towards the elevator, palms greasy with sweat. _The fuck was going on?_ Nothing the bitch said was making _any_ sense. There were hundreds of rippers she could go to, a hundred options other than asking V for help… She was playing her, that much was clear, but V couldn’t figure out exactly _how_ – or _why_

V swore under her breath as she rounded the corner, the suits already heading towards her; two men and a woman, packed with chrome and guns holstered. She pressed herself up against the wall, trying to look as inconspicuous as possible as she opened her scanner. _Arasaka_ … A good sign – her father had never worked with them, as far as she knew. V stiffened as the trio passed by, eyes glued to their backs as they approached her apartment… Then continued down the hallway and disappeared. _Thank fuck_ , V thought, walking over to the barrier and leaning onto it with both hands. They were here for someone, of course – but not for Valencia. Not for her. She looked over the edge, at the bustling atrium below, and forced herself to breathe. _Don’t lose your cool_ , she told herself, _that’s what she wants._

But they still had a problem – a _massive_ one. A tracker? V had no idea what the fuck to do about that. What did Valencia expect? For V to dig it outta her spinal column herself? Trouble was for Valencia that no top dollar ripper would ever risk touching her once they knew what they were dealing with, and no way would she have thought to see any old street doctor… But V knew Viktor wouldn’t give a shit about some corpo bastard flexing his non-existent muscles. She pulled out her holo and called him, still struggling to calm her breathing and focusing on the figures moving below, walking back and forth.

“Vik?” she said. “Gonna need your help with somethin’.”

* * *

Johnny had never seen V so riled up before. He tried to remember anything like this from her memories, but came up blank. Even when Jackie’d died, she hadn’t really felt _angry_ – just depressed as hell. And lonely. This was different. An old wound being picked open, a reminder of something she hadn’t intended to touch ever again. To be honest, he was surprised by his own restraint. He hated the way the bitch looked at her, the possessive language she used… But Johnny knew there was no chance of V holding it together if he didn’t, so did his best to bite his tongue.

“You don’t look like my daughter’s type,” Valencia commented, eyes glued to her laptop as she continued typing away.

Johnny stared at her for a moment before electing not to reply. He glanced at the camera monitor again, but saw nothing. No shots from the hallway, either. So far, so good. 

Unfortunately, Valencia didn’t get the hint. “I wonder where she’s been hiding you. Unusual for me not to find out.”

“Thought she told you to keep quiet?” Johnny bit back. God, V was right – she really was infuriating. Typical corpo-cunt who couldn’t stop running her mouth.

“I’m just surprised,” she continued, a mean smirk tugging at her lips. “She isn’t the type of person to get over _anything_.e”

Johnny paused. He knew better, but couldn’t help himself. “The fuck’s that supposed to mean?”

“Just never imagined her moving on. After her fiancée died, I mean.”

Johnny froze and looked away from her.

“I assume she told you, of course. Couldn’t imagine keeping such a thing secret.”

“V was right,” he snickered, ignoring the coldness creeping through his chest. “You really are a massive cunt.”

Before anything more could be said, the door opened again, and V flopped back into the desk chair. She threw her head back and let out a sigh. “All sorted,” she said. “Nothin’ to worry about.”

Johnny gave her a silent thumbs up, clenching his jaw. Was this what she had meant, at Kerry’s? When she’d said there were things she needed to tell him? _Hold it together_ , he reminded himself. _She needs you right now_.

“Everythin’ okay here?” V asked.

Johnny opened his mouth to reassure her, but Valencia was too quick. “Everything’s fine, Valerie. Was just telling your friend about _Zan_.”

V stiffened for a moment, then slowly leaned forward, elbows on her knees and eyes narrowed. “What did you just say?”

“Surprised he didn’t already know. Seemed pretty serious –“

V snapped out of her chair and, before Johnny even noticed she’d moved, slapped Valencia hard across the face, knocking her to the ground with a surprised grunt. “Say her name again and it will be the _last_ thing you say,” she hissed. “How the fuck did you even…”

“Find out?” Valencia propped herself up on her elbow, hand on her cheek. “Been keeping tabs on you, too, Valerie. Not gonna lie, you’re a pretty hard person to keep track of. But a niche, well, _that’s_ all a matter of public record. Wasn’t hard to find out more on her from there.”

V moved to strike again, but Johnny jumped up from the couch and stopped her, gently lowering her arm. “Don’t rise to it, V. C’mon, let’s go outside.”

Her nostrils flaring in anger, and Johnny could see the tears threatening to overflow. She pointed forcefully at the couch. “Sit there and don’t fuckin’ move. I have what I need from you now. I could put a fuckin’ _bullet_ between your eyes and not give a shit.”

Valencia moved slowly, still smirking. V’s blaring red eyes remained pinned to her, like an animal stalking its prey… Johnny slowly put an arm round her waist and led her into the hallway, watching her closely. Fuck, she could be scary when she wanted to be.

“C’mon,” he urged again, softly this time.

V turned and pressed her forehead against the wall, wiping away the few stray tears that managed to escape. “I’m sorry,” she murmured. “Knew she would do this.”

“You don’t have to be sorry,” Johnny sighed, his heart pounding and mind buzzing with questions. He felt the urge to run again, like last time, but remained steadfast and thought to himself. “Why’d you never tell me?”

“Honestly? Just never had the chance. Didn’t want you to freak out again, and I wasn’t even sure you _didn’t_ know.” She paused to steady her breathing. “The name ain’t familiar? Zaniya?

“Nope.” _Zaniya_ … Maybe that was a lie. It seemed to stir something in Johnny’s mind, like a rustling wind chime, but he had no idea why.

“Fuck,” V muttered. “Shoulda known she’d find out. Just the sorta thing she’d use as an emotional battery ram. Fuckin’ bitch.”

Johnny paused, waiting for her to continue, but she remained silent. “Didn’t know you were into girls,” he finally added.

V laughed slightly as she turned around and lowered herself to the ground, back against the wall and knees tucked beneath her chin. “Neither did I. But… well, long story short – she died.”

Johnny sat next to her. “You thought I wouldn’t get it or somethin’? Even knowin’ about Alt?”

“Wasn’t that, Johnny. This is… well, it’s still fuckin’ hard to talk about.” She grabbed his hand and leant against his shoulder. “And we’ve been dealin’ with one thing after the next.”

“I get you. You don’t have to talk about it right now, V.”

“If not now, then when?” she sighed. “Zan was… she was why I joined Arasaka. Guess that’s why it’s still so… _raw_.”

Johnny frowned. “How’d she die?”

“Got sick. Neither of us had TT – were poor as shit, couch surfing, takin’ odd jobs.” He felt her stiffen next to him. “Died in her sleep one night. One fuckin’ trip to the hospital, and she would’ve been fine. But that’s not how shit works in Night City, right?”

“So how’d that end up with you joining Arasaka?” 

“Never wanted anyone I loved to be in that position again,” she explained. “Reached out to an old friend from school, and she hooked me up with Arasaka. Went from just wanting to show my parents how wrong they’d been about me to wantin’ an actual fuckin’ life. And, well, yeah. They’d offered me exactly that, for a time.”

“Fuck.” Now Johnny felt even more shit about all the times he’d berated and yelled at her for being a corpo. Of course, he hadn’t thought any deeper about it at first. All corpos were the same… And, hey, maybe they still were. But could he blame V? Could he judge her? 

“Yeah,” she agreed. “Was pretty fucked up.”

That didn’t confront the biggest weight on Johnny’s shoulders. “Can’t imagine you wanting to marry anyone,” he said plainly.

She shrugged. “I was indifferent. But it was important to Zan. She was raised Catholic, still had a lot of that religious bullshit in her. Guess I liked her enough to go along with it.”

“Now I get what you meant,” he said with a sarcastic chuckle, “About living up to Rogue and Alt.”

V laughed. “Don’t worry, don’t expect any of that from you,” she assured. “Things with Zan were… I mean, I loved her, but things weren’t perfect. We looked after each other, needed each other to survive. Think we both had one foot out the door, just in case, but I didn’t have the chance to figure any of that out. Fact that she died makes it sound like so much more than it woulda ended up bein’.”

V paused, then added, “But that didn’t matter to me, still doesn’t. She didn’t deserve to die, Johnny. Her outta all people… She was such a fuckin’ good person. She didn’t deserve Night City.”

“I get what you mean. At least with Alt, well, she knew the stakes, even though I couldn’t see it at the time.”

V nodded. “Sorry I didn’t tell you. Shoulda known the bitch would do this, try to get between us.”

“Eh, well that’s not gonna happen.” He wrapped an arm round her shoulders and pulled her into a hug, nuzzling his face into her hair. That hadn’t been as bad as he’d expected… Maybe she’d been right – there _was_ somethin’ to be said for all this _communication_ bullshit. “Just want you to know you can talk to me, V.”

“I do know,” she murmured into his neck. “Honestly, kinda surprised you know so little about my past. Figured you’d seen most of it.”

“Could tell what was personal and what wasn’t. Would rather hear all that shit from you.”

She looked up and smiled at him. “Hey, at least you know my favourite colour now, right?”

Johnny rolled his eyes. “ _And_ that you’re a musician. Kinda awkward, considering how often I talked about music like you knew shit all.”

“Always said you were arrogant,” she laughed, climbing to her feet. “We should probably go back inside. Bet she’s lookin’ through all my shit. Fuckin’ bitch.”


	22. Surgery

“Good news, _Mother_ ,” V announced sarcastically as the door closed behind her and Johnny. It was no surprise that Valencia had moved away from her designated spot on the couch in their absence, now stood by the window and gazing out over the skyline like she owned the place. V continued, “Spoke to my ripper about your little tracker problem. Says I should be able to remove it myself.”

Valencia stared blankly at V.

“Will be _great_ fun – you, me, and a fuckin’ scalpel. Gotta admit, I’m excited.”

Johnny snickered as he moved to the window and pulled out a cigarette, puffing the smoke in Valencia’s direction until she took a few steps away from him, back over to the couch; she, however, looked entirely unphased. “You think I’m scared of you carving me up?” she smiled. “Interesting.”

“Sit on the chair,” V instructed, opening her scanner and flicking it over her. Packed with high-end chrome, aluminium, silver, gold... Must have cost a fortune… She pulled out her holo again and returned to her call with Vik. “Sorry for the wait. Just scanned her. Looks like a Militech model, in the lower back right along the spine.”

“Yeah, I know the one,” Vik answered. “A corpo favourite. What sorta chrome’s she got?”

V stared at Valencia. “ _Well_?”

“Spine is implanted,” Valencia sighed as she straddled the desk chair and shrugged her blazer off, “If that’s what you want to know.”

Vik nodded to V. “Good. Yeah, don’t think you’ll have a problem doin’ this yourself.”

“Alright.” She paused a moment as she fetched her med kit from the bathroom. She _nearly_ checked the expiration date, but ignorance was bliss, right? “Stay on the line, talk me through it?”

Vik grunted in agreement, his attention shifting to his computer off to the side. “Should be on the left side of the tenth thoracic.”

“Got it.”

“Just cut through the blouse,” Valencia waved over her shoulder as V leaned forward, “Got a dozen like it.”

“How nice for you,” V rolled her eyes. She unwrapped the scalpel, counting down the vertebrae and tearing the blouse where her fingers landed.

Johnny snuffed out his cigarette and walked over, arms folded. “You not gonna paralyse her?” he asked, eyebrow raised.

“Nah. Had basic medical training as a kid – and at Arasaka. Lost count of how many bullets I pulled outta Jackie,” she chuckled, slathering orange disinfectant gel over Valencia’s back and priming the needle with anaesthesia.

“Yeah, yeah, I know all that,” Johnny pointed out. He peered over V’s shoulder at the medical instruments she’d set out. “Bit different than a bullet, though.”

“Eh, how hard could it be, right?” V jabbed the needle into Valencia, handing it to Johnny as she moved to make the incision. “Okay, Vik, how deep am I goin’?”

“’Bout three inches. It’ll be lodged well in there.”

“You seriously can’t come do this for us?” Johnny asked him.

Vik shrugged. “V’s right – she’s actually not bad at this sorta thing. Coulda been a doctor.”

“That was the plan,” she grumbled. “Once upon a time. Right, Valencia?”

“Your _father’s_ plan, yes.” Valencia stiffened. “Shit. Be careful.”

“C’mon, you’re fine,” V half-heartedly assured. She opened her scanner again. “Oh, yeah, I can see it. Shouldn’t be a problem.”

Johnny passed V some gauze as blood started to pool around the hole in Valencia’s shirt. “Any second now,” she murmured, feeling the tweezers cling to metal.

“Maybe you _shoulda_ been a doctor,” he teased.

“I know, I know,” she laughed. “Just have such a _gentle_ touch. Do I just yank it, Vik?”

“Yup. Yank away.”

V drew the tiny cylinder free, slightly faster than she knew she should have done. She threw Johnny a sarcastic look of worry as Valencia winced again, the edge of the incision tearing slightly at the brusk movement. 

“Gotcha!” she said triumphantly, holding it up in front of the holo for Vik to see. “Uh… What do we do with it?”

“Dunno,” Vik shrugged. “Throw it out the window?”

V passed the tweezers to Johnny and smiled at him sweetly. “You heard him.”

“Just need to stitch her up,” Vik added.

“Oh, right.” V watched as Johnny opened the window and flicked the tracker out. She looked back at Valencia and calmly considered the bleeding. “Forgot about that.”

“Hurry up,” Valencia insisted with a huff of impatience. “You’re losing daylight.”

Daylight wasn’t a worry; even after dark, the apartment was flooded with the bright glow of neon. V prepared the stitches, then paused. It had been a while since she’d done this, not since Jackie’d gotten cut up by a Tyger right before Konpeki… _Just keep breathing_ , she told herself as she started. _If you can fix up your own bullet wounds, you can do this._

“So where exactly am I taking you?” she asked. Fuck, her hands were shaking… She felt Johnny rest a hand on her shoulder as he passed her more gauze.

“City centre. Been in touch with a friend from Militech. She’s got a job for me lined up, hopefully an apartment, too.”

“You gonna leave NC for a bit at least?”

“Oh, yeah,” Valencia hummed. “Might got to LA for a while. Maybe Atlanta. Haven’t been there since you were born.”

“Why’d you leave Militech, anyway?” V asked. “You both loved it there.”

“Wasn’t my choice. Biotechnica suited your father’s interests better.”

“Huh. You able to say what you do for them?”

“Not really. Crop and GMO related.”

“Right. Poisoning small towns? That sorta thing?”

Valencia paused, seeming to consider her words carefully. “Why did everyone tell me you were dead? Apparently some fixer took you out?”

“He did,” V murmured, nervously glancing up at Johnny, “But I didn’t die.”

“That’s my girl.”

V held her breath and roughly clipped the thread free from Valencia’s skin as a silent warning against her attempts at maternal affection. “We’re done,” she hissed, passing the disinfectant over Valencia’s shoulder. “Go clean up, then put this on.”

V quickly thanked Vik before hanging up, staring down at the blood on her hands as Johnny moved her hair away from her face. Wasn’t exactly how V had imagined getting soaked in her mother’s blood would go down – much less deadly, and _much_ less satisfying.

“You need a drink?” he asked.

“Nah.” She snapped out of her trance and grabbed a towel to wipe the blood away. “Need a clear head.”

“Was lookin’ over the floor plans Natalia sent,” Johnny continued. “Think we should get Rogue’s opinion on the whole thing.”

V nodded. “Preem. You think she’ll help? Probably had enough of us by now.”

“She never says no to me.”

“Doesn’t mean you should keep askin’,” she pointed out. “But fine. I’ll drop Valencia off then meet you at the Afterlife. Can’t stand sittin’ around with her any longer.”

Johnny shot a suspicious glance towards the bathroom. “There’s somethin’ she ain’t telling you. Be careful.”

V kissed him and pressed their foreheads together. “I will,” she promised. “She’s nothin’ I can’t handle.”

* * *

City Centre was packed as always, the looming, omniscient presence of Arasaka Tower an unwelcome reminder of the mess V had landed herself in. She tried her best to ignore Valencia, leaving her to stare out the open window in silence Out the corner of her eye, V could see the movements of her smoking and typing on her holo.

“Renee says she ready for me,” she said.

V sighed. “And how am I meant to know who you’re on about?”

“The friend I mentioned. You probably don’t remember her. Always came to our parties, always puked over the edge of our balcony.”

“Guess not.” V paused. “We didn’t come up with that cover story. PA ain’t gonna cut it, remember?”

Valencia adjusted her blazer as she hummed to herself. It was buttoned up to her collarbone, her bloody blouse left behind on V’s bathroom counter. “I was joking, Valerie. My last girl had green hair and I didn’t give a shit.”

V stared at her with suspicion. “Whatever. As long as I don’t get detained on sight.”

“You’ll be fine. You know how to act around these people.”

“Any other advice?”

Valencia hummed, flicking her cigarette away and pulling out another. “Have a good techie on hand.”

“Runner ain’t enough?”

“Nope. If shit goes south, you’ll need someone to manually overload their security systems.”

V laughed lowly. “Now _you’re_ talkin’ like street trash.”

Apart from V’s occasional huffs of frustration at dealing with traffic, they spent the rest of the drive in more uncomfortable silence. V felt her hands bead with sweat as they gripped the steering wheel, her chest tighten as that damn perfume continued to flood her senses. She let out a sigh of relief as she pulled up outside the apartment building highlighted on her optics, squeezing the wheel for another brief second before jumping out and gesturing for Valencia to follow her to the entrance with her suitcase. They stopped just short of the glass doors.

“You got it covered from here?” V asked, stuffing her hands into her pockets.

“Should do.” Valencia stared down at her nails before looking back up at V. “You like that one, don’t you?”

“Huh?”

“Johnny. That his name?”

V couldn’t help wincing. Hearing her say his name felt all kinds of wrong. “Don’t go there,” she complained.

“Be careful with Biotechnica,” Valencia added, stepping forward to wrap her arms round V. “As much as you think otherwise, I don’t want you to die.”

V stiffened at Valencia’s touch, but allowed herself to relent for a second with a sigh and patted her on the shoulder. “Keep safe, Mom,” she murmured, pulling back and heading quickly back to the car, keeping her head low and refusing to look back. _Stupid, stupid_ , she screamed inside her head. _Don’t show her you care. Don’t show her a damn thing._ She waited until Valencia disappeared inside the building, then pulled out her holo.

“Judy?” she breathed. “Need to meet. Had the worst fuckin’ day.”

Judy peered over from her computer, BD headset tucked round her neck. “What’s up?”

“Had to see my fuckin’ _mother_.”

“That’s bad?”

“The fuckin’ worst,” V sighed. “I’m gonna pick you up. We’re goin’ to the Afterlife.”

Judy raised an eyebrow and adjusted the headset. “Uh huh? What for?”

“Need your help… I’ll catch you up on the way there,” V explained. “Plus, need to have some fuckin’ fun.”

* * *

V linked her arm through Judy’s as they entered the Afterlife. She didn’t feel quite so out of place this time, able to walk on her own and maybe even throw a punch if needed. Judy let out a low whistle as the pulsing green lights washed over them.

“Never been in here before,” she whispered. “Not bad.”

V waved at Claire, palms pressed to the bar and still shaking from everything that had happened. “Get me a couple shots of tequila.”

Judy watched quietly as V downed four shots in succession. “Thought you hated tequila?” she asked.

“Huh?” V looked at the glasses with a frown. “Right. That’s Johnny’s choice.”

She leaned further onto the bar, head spinning. _Calm down_ , she told herself. _This happens sometimes. Don’t mean anythin’_.

“You okay, V?” Judy asked, gesturing for a drink of her own as she placed a hand on V’s back.

“Yeah, just – sometimes things get confused still.” She swallowed heavily as the buzz of alcohol started to flutter in her head. “Not thinkin’ straight right now. Mom fucks my head up.”

“V,” Claire interrupted, pointing over towards Rogue and Johnny. “Think you’re needed over there.”

V nodded, feeling the vacant look washing over her as her anxiety grew. “They been getting’ on okay?”

“Not too bad. She wanted to kill him again at first, then simmered down. Seen her laugh a few times, even.”

V took Judy’s hand and walked over, slipping into the seat beside Rogue.

“The fuck you doin’?” Johnny asked.

“What?”

“Now I’ve got three of you starin’ me down.”

V and Rogue both sighed as Judy chuckled. “You were right, V. He really does complain a lot.”

“Kinda hard not,” Johnny rolled his eyes.

“Johnny,” V said, uncomfortably looking between him and Judy. “You ever find yourself doin’ anythin’… weird? Just downed four shots of _tequila_. The fuck’s up with that?”

Johnny’s glare softened slightly as he sat back. “Right… Sometimes, yeah. Still won’t touch vodka, though.”

She nodded, but felt her chest tighten again at the thought of it. Probably best to just move on for now… “Thought Judy could help with security,” she continued, “In case Natalia fucks us over.”

Rogue passed a shard across V to Judy. “Take a look, kid. V says you’re a BD tech?”

“Yup. Among other things.” Judy slotted the shard in and nodded. “Hm. Not sure how much I can help. Might be able to make you somethin’ to flood their systems if you can find an access point, an ace up your sleeve if things go off track.”

“Sounds good.” V turned to Rogue. “Floor plans any use?”

“You’ve got a hell of a runner on your side,” Rogue hummed. “She’s got a lot here. They’ve been scoping the place for a while, it seems… Not sure hitting Biotechnica is smart, though, V. Already got Arasaka on you.”

“Not smart at all,” V scoffed, “But got no choice.”

Rogue shook her head. “The fuck is it with you two and corps? Fuckin’ nightmare.”

“Hey, you’re no better,” Johnny pointed out. He looked at V. “Labs or archives first?”

“Labs,” Rogue interjected. “Easier to access. If the shard isn’t there, head down the southern fire exit, and get your runner to open the emergency door into the archives. Any other way, you’re getting’ detained or shot on sight.”

“That’s assuming we can trust her,” Johnny added. “Could just ditch V while she’s in there.”

“After they’ve gone through this much effort?” V said. “Nah. They need whatever’s on that shard. Besides, that’s why we’ve got Judy.”

Judy leaned forward. “I’ll be on standby with Johnny. Should be able to hack their security system from reception if we need to bust V outta there.”

“Satisfied, Johnny?”

He tapped the table and stared at Judy for a few seconds, like he was trying to figure something out. “You sure?” he finally asked. “They’ll have pretty tight systems.”

“Better than V bein’ completely blind in there if things go wrong.”

“Fuck,” he grumbled. “The whole plan is bullshit. These Soviet cunts are gonna get you killed, V. Rogue, tell her –”

“V can handle this,” Rogue piped up, crossing her arms. “Not sure you can, though.”

He blinked. “And why the fuck not?”

“‘Cause you’ve always gotta be the hero, Johnny. You never take the back seat, never trust other people to do their damn jobs. You know that V hardly knew a thing about Morgan before I told her?

“So?”

“ _So?_ She saw that fuckin’ mess at Arasaka first-hand through you. Somehow, even in your own damn head, the whole thing looked like it was all about you.”

“Rogue’s got a point, Johnny,” V added. “I _have_ to go in alone – you gonna be able to handle that?”

He looked away from the three of them. “Give me some fuckin’ credit.”

“Just answer the question,” Rogue demanded.

“Yes, okay? Won’t go stormin’ in guns blazing. Happy?”

Rogue nodded stiffly. “You should be all set, then. I’ve seen worse plans.”

“Encouraging.”

V couldn’t help but think back to sitting in the back room with Dex, with T-Bug, with Jackie. She looked between Johnny and Judy... She wasn’t willing to risk either of them, but at least could trust Judy not to storm the damn building if she fucked up again. Johnny, despite his promise to stand down, was still a loose fuckin’ cannon. Was she able to trust him with this? _Should_ she?

“In that case, Judy and I are gonna go dance,” V announced, taking Judy’s hand again and jumping up. She didn’t want to think about anything. Not about dying, or Biotechnica, or that lingering taste of tequila on her tongue – just the beat of the music in her chest and the buzz flooding her system.


	23. Dreamers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the love! Really enjoying seeing everyone's comments :)

Johnny watched V closely – there had been something off about her since the moment she’d walked in, bolting to the bar and clinging to Judy like her life depended on it, her head hung low and shoulders hunched over. He could feel the creeping pangs of anxiety shooting through her, muffled by the omega blockers but strong enough for him to notice despite the pills and alcohol flooding her system. Then she mentioned the tequila and he wasn’t sure what to think. Didn’t seem like the most unexpected consequence of sharing a brain for months, but Johnny could see how deeply it bothered her. She was losing her sense of self, and he didn’t know what to do about it. Even as she danced with Judy, a smile on her face, he could see fear behind her eyes and feel it in her chest like it was his own.

“Rogue,” Johnny said, stopping her as pushed the shard across the table and moved to stand up. “I’m worried about her.”

She rolled her eyes. “Just let her work. She’s got this.”

“Not about that,” he huffed, gesturing over at V. “You don’t see it?”

Rogue shrugged and lowered her voice. “Didn’t know her before _you_ landed in her body… But, yeah, guess I do. Talks like you sometimes. Moves like you, too. Not all the time, but enough to notice.”

Johnny nodded gravely. Fuck. “And me?”

“You?” Rogue smirked. “Same as her – you keep tapping your fingers on shit like she does, might even be a _bit_ more restrained. But bein’ in her head’s softened you. As always, you only gain to benefit for the shit you cause, unlike V.”

Rogue was quick to storm off after that, and Johnny knew it wasn’t a conversation she’d let him bring up again if he followed. Besides, what more was there to say? Maybe she wasn’t being completely fair – he hadn’t asked to be Soulkilled for fuck’s sake – but she was right about one thing; V was by no means perfect, but he was trading in his self-destruction for – what? Annoying habits only those real close to her noticed anyway? Those gonk-ass dreams of Konpeki Plaza every night? Didn’t really compare to his shit at all. Johnny continued to watch her, and smiled. He seriously loved her – loved _V_. Last thing he wanted was for his shitty personality to rub off on her. She didn’t deserve any of it, yet even now he was still managing to fuck her over.

He was torn away from his thoughts by her voice. “Johnny!” she shouted, words slurred slightly as she bounded back over to him and pulled him out of the booth. “C’mon, have some fun.”

“You know I don’t dance,” he complained, lightly holding her arm as she swayed side to side.

“Then let’s get outta here. Do somethin’ else.”

Judy quickly joined them, a thin layer of sweat coating her face from the lights. “She did five more shots when you weren’t lookin’” she informed him. “Gotta get her home.”

He grunted in agreement and led V outside. She stopped to lean against the wall at the stop of the staircase, waving him away as he reached out to help her. “I’m fine, I’m fine,” she insisted. “Just gotta… stop a minute.”

“Gonna stop by Lizzy’s,” Judy added, adjusting V’s tank top to cover her chest more fully as she leant forward to hug her. “Lemme know when you need me, ‘kay?”

V murmured under her breath and ambled towards the car. Johnny could hear her groan as he said his goodbyes to Judy and joined her. The fuck was her problem now?

“Stupid fuckin’ perfume,” V hissed.

Johnny blinked, reaching over her to fasten the seatbelt. No way was he getting home without rear-ending someone, and didn’t trust V could keep herself upright – she was, after all, a massive lightweight. “What?” he asked.

She didn’t repeat herself, instead winding down the window and resting her head to the side. By the time they got home, she was nearly passed out, and Johnny ignored her half-hearted protests as he carried her up the elevator and into the apartment. Perhaps it was selfish, but it felt good being able to look after her. She never gave him the chance, always insisted on doing things by herself, even when it nearly got her killed… Fuck, she looked exhausted. Johnny wondered what else Valencia had bitched about as he lay V down on the bed and pulled her head into his lap, shrugging his jacket off and trying not to disturb her.

“Do you like my hair?” she murmured suddenly, eyes still closed.

Johnny blinked. “Your hair?”

“Mom said it’s shit. Remember?”

“Don’t listen to her. Your hair’s preem.”

“Thanks.” She smiled up at him and poked his cheek. “I love you.”

“Love you, too. Get some sleep, alright?”

Her eyes narrowed. “No.”

“ _No_?” he laughed. “Why not?”

“Don’t need to say, do I? Know you can read my mind right now.”

“You know it don’t work like that, V. What’s up?”

She rolled onto her side and let out a heavy sigh of defeat. “Been dreamin’ shit I have no business dreamin’.”

Johnny paused. “So have I.”

V looked back to him. “Really?”

“Yup.” He moved her away from him and stretched out next to her, wrapping his arms around her. She smelled of tequila and expensive shampoo… Fuck, he hadn’t planned on telling her this. Hadn’t wanted to worry or embarrass her. “Konpeki Plaza. I look down at your hands, your body, and suddenly realise – shit, I’m not meant to be here anymore. Always takes a good few minutes to realise it’s not _me_ , y’know?”

“Yeah, I get the same…” V nodded. “Haven’t really spoken much about Konpeki with you, have I? Guess you’ve seen it all, though.”

“Dunno. Makes me feel like a real gonk for how I acted at first,” Johnny confessed. “I panic at every damn moment that went wrong, feel that bullet goin’ in my head. Fuck, you have no idea how many times I’ve had to stare at that weird ass lizard Yori was hiding up there.”

“Huh? The iguana?” V chuckled. “That thing was the preemest shit I’ve ever seen.”

“I _know_ ,” he laughed. “You make me fuckin’ relive it every other night.”

“Why’d you never say anythin’? Thought I’ve been goin’ crazy. Orderin’ your fuckin’ drinks, dreamin’ your fuckin’ dreams.”

Johnny shrugged. “Figured it was a pretty logical side effect from what we’ve been through. But you’re seein’ it differently. It’s scaring you.”

V nodded. “Guess I just thought it would end… Worried I’m still fading away, that I’m not gonna be _me_ anymore after a while.”

Johnny thought for a moment. “Y’know, Kerry has this real gonk way of tuning a guitar. Inefficient as fuck, can’t even fuckin’ describe it. Used to take the piss outta him before every gig but, after touring together for years, one night he fuckin’ bursts out laughin’.”

“Uh huh?”

“We were shooting shit back and forth as we set up, I was already a good few drinks in, and I was fuckin’ _copyin’_ his weird-ass method. Thought I was havin’ a damn stroke or somethin’. Of course, Kerry thought it was the funniest shit ever.”

“Right,” V smirked. “Your point bein’?”

“Apart from the dreams,” Johnny continued, “Don’t think us pickin’ up on each other’s habits is all that unusual. We’ve lived with each other day in and day out for months now, right?”

“I guess,” V hummed, a thoughtful expression creasing her brow. Suddenly, her eyes snapped up to meet his. “You feel bad again – why?”

Johnny sighed. “’Cause you don’t deserve my shit… The drinkin’, the anger..”

“Pft, that was already there, you gonk,” she laughed. “Sure, your engram don’t make it easier, but been pushing back on all that for years anyway. After Zan died I nearly drank myself to death, took me months to quit before I was ready to join Arasaka. Nearly broke down and ran back to my parents to get me into a fancy ass rehab programme… Anyway, kinda hard to believe, but I actually like you, so could be worse.”

It _was_ hard to believe, but Johnny wasn’t gonna keep questioning it. Had anyone ever genuinely liked him before? Not even enough to love him, but to just stand being around him?

“Which dream you been havin’?” he asked.

She averted her eyes. “Mexico.”

 _Shit_. ‘Course it had to be one of the worst…

“Goes the same as yours,” she continued, “Where I don’t know who I am at first, _where_ I am. Just surrounded by panzers and sweatin’ buckets, itchy as hell. Everything was _burning_ …. The jungle, the people… Never heard screams like that, Johnny. How’d you ever leave shit like that behind?”

He closed his eyes, feeling the beating of his heart and all too aware of metal where flesh had been. “Simple answer is – I didn’t,” he confessed. Was perhaps the first time he’d ever admitted it out loud. Maybe it had come up with Kerry once or twice, when they were both high outta their minds, but that was it. He felt V’s fingers trace up his metal arm and to his face, stopping on his cheek until he opened his eyes again.

“Everything’s so fucked, isn’t it?” she said.

He grumbled in agreement.

“What else you runnin’ from?”

Johnny paused. “The Aldecaldos,” he added. “Might have lied about that.”

“Uh huh?”

“You were right – all that _is_ about Santiago. When we were there after Mikoshi, some of the older guys in the family made damn sure to remind me of all the shit he got caught up in ‘cause of me and Rogue. None old enough to have seen it themselves, but still.”

V nodded as she played with his hair. “Figured as much. Sometimes dream of the nomads, too. Seemed like you only have good memories with them.”

“Yeah… Guess I feel like runnin’ off into the sunset with ‘em is the easy way out. There’s still shit I can do in Night City.”

“I mean, sure, we’re only on fucking our second corp, right?” she laughed. “Got a whole list to get through.”

They lay together in silence for a while longer, the neon lights from outside dancing through the window and filling the apartment with an everchanging selection of colours and shapes.

“Want me to grab you another omega blocker?” Johnny eventually asked.

“Nah.” V snuggled more closely into his chest. “This is kinda nice for now.”

“You sure?”

“Mhm. Maybe we’ll dream together for a change.”

* * *

“Got some old suits in here,” V mumbled as she sifted through a basket of clothes and sipped on her coffee, determined to get down as many cups as she could before the afternoon heat took hold. Strangely enough, she wasn’t hungover, just heavy headed and worn out. Nothing pills couldn’t fix. “Need to look the part if I’m gonna convince anyone.”

Johnny stood behind her. “Hey, pass me the one Kerry got me while you’re in there.”

“Why? We agreed – _you’re_ waitin’ outside.”

“Just in case,” he said. “Y’know, in case we lose contact with you _. Excuse me sir, have you seen my colleague? She’s wearin’ last season’s Jinguji and is bossy as fuck_.”

“What then?” she laughed. “Whip your pistol out like a fuckin’ cowboy?”

Johnny shrugged carelessly. “Sure, why not?”

V rolled her eyes but relented, passing him the pair of suit pants and a button up shirt. “Fine, if it makes you feel better. Don’t know where the blazer is, though.”

“Eh, I’ll look in a minute.”

She finally found what she was looking for; a simple black suit like Johnny’s, but with a gold thread trim and silk collar. It _was_ last season, but V doubted anyone would catch on, or would just dismiss her as a poor-as-hell new hire getting by on hand-me-downs.

“You messaged Irena yet?” Johnny asked, clumsily pulling the pants up.

“Yeah, still waitin’ on a reply. Think I should bring Judy?”

“Nah. Feel like Irena won’t like that.”

“You’re probably right.” V paused as she started dressing herself, brushing her hair back as best she could manage. “You still find her annoying?”

“Irena? Don’t think _annoying_ is the right word. More like creepy.”

“Not Irena. _Judy_. You’re not gonna provoke her, are you?”

Johnny raised an eyebrow. “Nah. She’s alright.”

 _Good enough_ , V supposed. As long as the two of them didn’t kill each other whilst waiting on her, it didn’t matter. She looked down at her holo as it buzzed in her pocket. “Irena wants us to delta on over,” she said, throwing down another pill and tucking a pistol into the back of her pants. Her last pair of office heels had been thrown out long ago, so pulled on a pair of polished boots instead, and smoothed her collar down. “This is gonna be fun.”


	24. Angels

“Looks like the place,” V announced, stood before the crumbling apartment building marked on her optics and holding her hand up against the glare of the sun. “Natalia says HQ is just down the street. A block or two away.”

“Nice,” Judy nodded, stacking a laptop and piles of clunky tech into Johnny’s outstretched arms.

“You really need all this?” he asked, trying his best to adjust his lopsided aviators with his shoulder. He didn’t look impressed, but was holding back on his complaining – for the most part.

“Uh huh… You’ll need it to stay linked with V.” She paused. “What exactly did these Russians say? You saw ‘em this mornin’?”

Johnny rolled his eyes and shifted his balance as Judy slammed the car door shut. “Fuck, we were there for hours,” he said. “Goddamn torture.”

V nodded in agreement. “Irena flipped when I mentioned you, Judy. Took a few hours to bring her around. Guess she wants the whole thing top secret… Anyway, Natalia was a bit more understanding.”

“That your runner?”

“Yup. She’ll be jacking in from their apartment. Looks like they hardly ever leave.”

“You think they’re vampires?” Judy joked.

V shrugged. “Maybe it’s just a Soviet thing.”

“Nah,” Johnny disagreed, “They don’t leave ‘cause someone’ll flatline ‘em as soon as they’re on the street.”

The three of them ascended the old staircase, the edges of the stone steps crumbling slightly, and walls covered with graffiti and ancient blood stains. Johnny continued waver slightly as he balanced the tech, and V focused on counting the floors – Natalia had been pretty specific that they should settle on the third level. “ _View is better_ ,” she’d insisted.

“Here we go,” V indicated, moving towards the bolted metal door at the end of the hallway and ramming it with her shoulder with three hard shoves. Fuck. No good. She pulled back, rubbing her shoulder as she looked at Johnny. “Put that shiny new arm to good use?”

He deposited the tech back into Judy’s arms and pried the door open, gesturing for the two women to enter ahead of him.

“Damn,” Judy muttered, “This place is a shithole.”

She was right, but the view of the street was as good as Natalia had promised, and there was plenty of room to set up. Judy quickly got to work, unwinding wires and booting up the laptop on an old wooden table as V absent-mindedly kicked about loose papers scattered across the floor. Johnny silently moved straight to the window. 

“Oh, nearly forgot,” Judy added, holding out a shard in V’s direction. “Worked on this a while back with a runner friend. Slot it into an access point if Natalia falls through and it’ll do most of the hard work for me.”

V took the shard and slotted it in. Damn, whoever Judy’s friend was knew their daemons well. “Preem,” she said, then lowly added, “Let’s just hope it doesn’t come to that.”

Johnny stood stiffly by the window, arms crossed and back facing V. Having opted against the omega blockers again that morning, she approached him slowly, trying to get a feel on his emotions. An image flashed through her head – of Arasaka Tower? No… Alt.

“Won’t be like that,” she whispered, wrapping her arms round his waist and pressing her face into his back. His suit smelled new and fresh, free from the usual layer of smoke that clung to his clothes. Even now, the simple act of being able to hold him made V’s heart jump.

“Yeah,” he huffed, “I’ll be findin’ _you_ dead in a hail of lead.”

She squeezed him tighter. “Ain’t gonna be like _that_ , either. We’ve got this. Even Rogue said so.”

Johnny turned around with a sigh and removed his sunglasses. “Got a bad feelin’ about this.”

“Listen, couldn’t have anyone better than you and Judy watchin’ my back.”

He held her arm tightly, right over her tattoo, but was silent with stern and serious eyes.

“Let’s get you linked up, V,” Judy said. “Johnny’s not got Kiroshis, so gonna be a bit old fashioned. Jack into the laptop for me?”

V complied, pulling Johnny along with her, and watched Judy type meaningless code into the laptop. “You clear on the plan?”

“Mhm. You waltz on in, Natalia gets you where you’ve gotta go, and we act as your guardian angels.”

“If we lose contact, send Johnny in first,” V added. “Might just be a tech problem. But if things are fucked, I’ll need you.”

“Gotcha.” Judy paused for a moment as more code lit up on the screen, then vanished. “Alright, all set. Wanna link with your runner?”

“Yeah, lemme call her.” V waited as the holo buzzed and Natalia’s cheerful voice blared out.

“V! Are you ready? I’m ready!” _Well, at least_ she _sounded positive_ …

“Yup. Just need to link with you.”

“No problem. Hold on…” She paused. “Should be done. Listen, sorry about Irena this morning. She’s… invested in this. Doesn’t trust people easily. But it’s always good to have someone on site when security is concerned.”

“I’ve noticed…” V muttered, then added, “Judy’s cool. She won’t compromise anythin’.”

There was a brief moment of silence. “Hey, can I ask you a question?” Natalia said.

“Um, sure. What’s up?”

“What did you think of the apartment today?”

V blinked and stared at Johnny in confusion. “Huh?”

“The _apartment_ ,” Natalia eagerly reasserted. “Did it look any better?”

“Sure… it was – _tidier_?” At least, V thought it had been? There’d been less equipment strewn about for sure, but she hadn’t really been looking. Why the fuck was she asking her this _now_? She threw Johnny another look of confusion.

“Oh, good! Finally had the energy to tidy up a bit.” Another awkward pause. “Anyway, lemme tell Irena I’m jacking in. You sure you’re ready? Don’t let Irena rush you.”

“As ready as we’ll ever be. You’ll have to connect with Johnny via holo.”

“Oh, sure, sure.”

Judy indicated for Johnny to sit at the desk. V felt weird having so many people in her head all at once; she’d thought it would be comforting, but all it did was remind her of Konpeki, and things hadn’t gone any smoother _then,_ so… Still, she couldn’t do this without at least Johnny watching her. She’d gotten too used to having his eyes on her, watching over her shoulder. It had made her clumsy, in a way, far too reliant on trusting someone else to help keep her safe.

“Alright,” V sighed. She held her pistol in front of her, then handed it to Judy, knowing she wouldn’t get past reception with it anyway. “I’m gonna go. How do I look?”

“Like a corp,” Judy snickered. “A _hot as hell_ corp.”

“Just what I was goin’ for,” V laughed. She leaned in the doorway and stared back at Johnny. “Watch my back, okay? Will be just like old times.”

He put a leg up on the table and stared her down for a moment, like it was taking everything in him not to hold her back and stop her going. “Give ‘em hell, V,” he finally said, placing his own gun next to the laptop with a heavy thud. “They have no idea what’s comin’.”

* * *

Johnny didn’t like this one bit; the inaction was eating him alive, and he knew Judy could tell from the way she kept staring at him as she adjusted her labyrinth of wiring. Of course, V didn’t need a white knight to save her from everything, but she’d already done enough – for herself, and for him. Fuck, for Judy, too. Why couldn’t this have been the one thing given to her on a silver platter? But she’d already wasted _that_ wish on him, hadn’t she? He still wasn’t sure if she’d simply thought it or spoken out loud at Arasaka Tower, but the words played on a loop – “just give me this one last thing”… _Shoulda saved that for yourself, V._

“Can you hear us okay, V?” Judy asked.

“Loud and clear,” V confirmed.

“And Natalia?”

“I’m here – you’re Judy, yes?”

“In the flesh. Hoping I won’t be needed much more than this.”

Johnny remained silent, eyes glued to the laptop screen as V approached the building. It was no ‘Saka Tower, but loomed high with the sharpness of neomilitarism, polished glass windows stretching across the front.

“Headin’ in now,” V announced. The reception was sleek and white, not unlike a lab with marble flooring. The polar of Arasaka. Security looked tight, as expected.

“Breaking through their ICE,” Natalia added. “Shouldn’t take long, been ready for a while.”

Johnny watched with bated breath as V approached the reception desk and slid the guest card across the scanner. This was the first big hurdle – Valencia better have pulled through after all the shit she’d put on V…

“What’s the purpose of your visit?” the receptionist asked, seeming to inspect the card as it flicked up on her screen.

V didn’t hesitate. She sounded confident, and cruel. “You see whose authority I’m here on? There’s no requirement for me to disclose more than that.”

“I’m sorry, ma’am, it’s just –“

“Just what? Wasting my time? Listen, my boss _doesn’t_ like wasting time. I’m here to collect an important file, that’s all.”

“I see, well, I suppose that’s satisfactory. Everything checks out. Please go ahead; do you know the way?”

“Of course I do,” V snapped, clipping the card to her belt and brushing through the security scanner and down the hallway before turning into the bathroom. She quickly checked the stalls before leaning over the sink.

“Well, that was harsh,” Judy noted.

“She’s gotta be,” Johnny said. “Can’t leave any room for them to doubt her.”

“Yeah,” V whispered, “I, uh, have no clue where I’m goin’. Was it the seventh floor? For the labs?”

“Correct,” Natalia said. “I’m in their systems now. Head on up.”

V complied, entering the elevator along with three other people. She slowly looked over them, as if to give Johnny the chance to inspect them more intently.

He leaned forward. “Careful, V,” he murmured. “One on your left has a gun, keeps glancing at you. Might just be checkin’ out your ass, but make sure he doesn’t tail you.”

“Go to Valencia’s office,” Natalia instructed. “Think I can add lab access to your card from her computer.”

Johnny threw Judy a cautious glance. So far, so good…

“Alright,” V said a few minutes later, “In her office. Tacky as fuck, of course.”

“There should be a slot in the side of the computer for the card,” Natalia explained. “I’ll toggle security, bump your clearance up to Level 4. Just gotta make sure nobody checks your card.”

“Wouldn’t it be easier just to unlock the door?” Judy asked.

“Too many people there. Can’t risk raising suspicion – need to scan our way in like everyone else.”

V slotted the card in and began pacing around the room, stopping short of the desk after she made a few rounds. “What the fuck…” she muttered, moving forward and picking up a framed photo.

“That’s you?” Judy asked.

“Mhm. I was… fifteen here.” She set the picture down again with a slight huff. “Whatever. Already knew the bitch was delusional.”

“All set,” Natalia said. “Head to sector 2. Should be close to the entrance.”

V took and card and quickly hurried back into the hallway, following the signs to the labs. Natalia was right; it _was_ busy, and everyone looked stressed the hell out. Johnny held his breath again as V scanned herself in. Machinery blared around her, and she quietly moved past into the sector Natalia had mentioned. “What now?” she asked.

“You see the wall? It’s a built-in cabinet, sorta like streamlined niches. Records say the shard should be in one labelled A-12.”

V opened her scanner and quickly pinpointed the drawer in question. She gave it a tug, but it was locked. “Um, Natalia?”

“Hold on, hold on. Just act natural.” A long pause. Fuck. “Okay, try again.”

V pulled again, and this time it opened. Empty. _Of course_.

“Archives?” V asked.

“V,” Irena interjected. “Check my old workstation first. It’s close by; Natalia will mark it on your optics.”

“Someone will notice if she’s there too long,” Johnny pointed out. Some of the scientists were already throwing her curious looks. “Best bet is to leave it.”

“And what if it’s not archived, either?” Irena said, then quickly contended, “I suppose it’s up to V.”

She paused for a moment. “We’ll stick to the plan,” V settled. “Goin’ straight to the archives. Following the route now.”

Might have been the first time V’d actually listened to anything Johnny’d said, but he was grateful. Maybe it wouldn’t have been a big deal at all, but he wasn’t willing to put her in any more risk than she already was. All it would take was for one person to ask for her ID, one person to wonder who she was, and that would be it.

“She’s doin’ well,” Judy said, leaning onto the desk next to Johnny.

“Wait, do you see that?” He pointed to three people hurrying down the other end of the hallway. “Natalia?”

“Looks like security were called… to a manager’s office?” she murmured thoughtfully. “No reason to think it’s about V.”

“Fuck’s sake, get a move on V. Anything else looks suspect, I’m coming over.”

“Stop it, Johnny,” she hissed under her breath. “I’m _fine_.”

He watched as she descended the fire exit, just as Rogue had shown her, and slowly picked up the pace until she was jogging before stopping on the basement level. “This it?” she asked.

“Yup. Door’s open for you,” Natalia confirmed.

V headed inside, crouching behind a metal desk close to the door. Everything looked clear as far as Johnny could see.

Natalia continued, “Need you to jack into a computer.”

“Hold on,” Judy interrupted. “Camera’s scanning. You got that?”

“Shit,” Natalia murmured. “Mhm. Another layer of ICE down here. Hold tight, V.”

V turned around to sit down with her back against the desk, legs outstretched in front of her. She playfully tapped her feet together as she waited. “Johnny?”

“Uh huh?”

“This is no fun compared to ‘Saka. Should’ve called up Panam, asked to borrow the basilisk.”

“Still can’t believe that was your plan,” he shook his head. “And that it _worked_.”

“Think I learned a thing or two from you – crazy plans are your deal.”

“Onwards, V,” Natalia instructed. “Their ICE is shit. Nothing compared to what I dealt with in Russia.”

V rose from the ground again and headed to the nearest computer. “You really love Russia, huh?” she asked.

“I do,” Natalia replied, “Irena doesn’t.”

“That why you left?”

“Not exactly…”

Johnny could hear Irena hush Natalia. The fuck were those two up to? Guess it didn’t matter, as long as they helped V…

“T-32,” Natalia added with a tired sigh. “Should be further down the stacks.”

“Why’s security so crap down here?” Johnny asked suspiciously. In through the fire exit? No guards? Didn’t sit right with him.

“Not much of value is kept in NC,” Irena explained. “And the doors _are_ hard to hack, with security outside. Point is to stop anyone getting in at all. Fortunately, Natalia is good at what she does.”

“Could never do this in Rome,” Natalia added. “Would have been fried by now. Don’t think we could even make it through reception over there.”

“This it?” V asked. She held up the shard in front of her optics.

“Looks like it,” Irena confirmed, “But slot it in to be sure.”

“Uh huh. Think we’re golden, Natalia?”

“Yes! Perfect.” Johnny could hear the smile on her face. “Okay, V, let’s get you –“

Natalia was interrupted by the bright lights dimming around V for a moment before blaring bright red. No alarms sounded, but Johnny’s breath caught in his throat all the same. He watched as V took a few steps back, hand against the wall as she stared back towards the fire exit, her movements uncertain. “Natalia? The fuck is goin’ on?” she demanded under her breath.

“ _Fuck_. How did they… ?” Natalia sounded confused, frantic. “V, get outta there. There’s a building wide alert. I can cover you, just need –“

Johnny and Judy both jumped as Natalia let out a high-pitched yelp of pain and the laptop screen blackened, the connection severed. “V?” he shouted. “Natalia?”

“I’m here,” Irena said. “I’ve unjacked her.”

“ _Why?_ ”

“Because she was bleeding!” she hissed. “They were gonna fry her!”

“Oh, great, so _she’s_ safe but _my_ output’s still in there!” Johnny jumped to his feet, fists clenched. “Fuckin’ _useless_. Knew this was a bad idea, knew I shoulda gone with her.”

“Johnny, calm down,” Judy insisted, crouching over the laptop.

“Don’t tell me to _calm down_ ,” he snapped, grabbing his pistol off the desk. He paced for a few minutes, thoughts pouring through his head as Judy focused on the laptop.

“We’ve gotta move,” he eventually said.

Judy nodded gravely. “My shard’s activated. She needs us.”

“Johnny,” Natalia coughed over the holo. “I can still help.”

“Two of you have done enough.”

“Listen,” she stressed, “Their systems detected me, but they _shouldn’t_ have done. Something tipped them off, made them nervous. Not sure they know they’re lookin’ for anyone in the building.”

“Natalia,” Irena interjected, “You need to lie down, you’re still bleeding.”

Johnny turned off the holo as he bolted down the stairs, not interested in anything else they had to say. The pair of them could go to hell for all he cared. Johnny focused on the sound of Judy’s footsteps echoing behind him, the feeling of his heart beating in his chest. _Hold tight, V_ , he thought, _I’m coming for you_.


	25. Onwards

“Shit, shit, shit,” V muttered, darting back towards the fire exit. Her comms were dark, head empty of the voices and eyes she’d depended on. Fuck, she’d been doing so well. Felt on top of her game, even… _Just get upstairs_ , she told herself, opening her scanner to disable the cameras as they flicked back into action. _Get somewhere you’re meant to be_.

The stairwell was illuminated by a dull red glow, like some sort of weird marble strip bar. _Focus_ , V scolded herself as she picked up the pace, lungs burning by the time she reached the labs again and slid back into the main hallway. Where was everyone? She rummaged in her pocket and held out Judy’s shard, considering her options. No clue what was going on, no clue whether she or Natalia had been the one to trip security… Maybe it didn’t have anything to do with V at all. God, why did she always choose the worst fucking days for these jobs? First Konpeki Plaza, now this. She shivered as the sound of Natalia’s yell repeated in her head… _Fuck_. Still nothing compared to T-Bug, so perhaps she was okay… V quickly moved to the access point in the wall and slotted the shard in. At least Judy would be able to find her on the cameras.

“Ma’am?” a man’s voice called out as she pulled back. “We’re evacuating; a runner’s been found in our system. No idea what sorta damage is bein’ done.”

V turned sharply on her heel to face the security guard. “I see,” she said, trying to stop her voice from shaking. “Excuse me, I’m here on the behalf of my employer… I just came out her office…”

He stared her up and down, still smiling. It was the grin of a wild animal. “No problem. Lemme see your ID and I can get you outta here.”

V slowly unpinned the card and passed it over. At least she’d made it out the labs in time… Hopefully he’d escort her out, and that would be it.

“You work for Valencia?”

“You know her?”

“Somewhat.” His smile vanished. “I’ve never seen you before.”

“New hire,” V explained, keeping her eyes locked on his. “Thought she left an important file here, but couldn’t find it.”

“Ma’am, I’m sorry – but you’re going to have to come with me. We’ve… had some concerning news from her husband.”

“Excuse me?” He reached out to grab her arm, but V quickly shrugged him away and stiffened. “No need for that. Show me the way.”

 _Best go along with it_ , she decided, wracking her brain for a plan. _See if I can talk myself outta this_ …

She followed the security guard further down the winding corridor and into another office. This one was bigger than Valencia’s, and somehow even fancier. The walls were pinned by two more guards, and a woman standing by the windows.

“You’re the PA?” she asked abruptly, shrugging off a white lab coat and tossing it onto the desk.

V nodded. No way she could risk scanning her here.

“When did you last hear from Valencia?”

V thought for a moment, trying to find the best angle to play. “Yesterday morning. She… gave me the day off.”

“ _Fuck_.” The woman began pacing back and forth. “Her husband just called – she’s vanished.”

_Oh, great. So he actually noticed…_

“I’ll try calling her,” V offered. _Stay calm, stay calm_. _You know how to work these people._

The woman shook her head. “No use. Her phone’s disconnected. Any idea where she is?”

V looked off to the side. “Um… Nope.”

“Fuck.”

One of the guards passed over a tablet, and the woman paused for a moment before glancing back up and gesturing towards V. She tried to move, but wasn’t quick enough, feeling the strike of a fist against the back of her head. Pain blasted through her scalp and she faltered to her knees.

“Something doesn’t add up here. Who the fuck are you? Where’s Valencia?”

V was silent. She didn’t know what to say, what to do.

“Enough.”

V looked over; of course, the bitch herself was there, strutting through the door with hair tied up in a messy bun. Something looked off about her… Since when did Valencia wear trench coats? Even stylish ones at that, buttoned high over her suit. And that look in her eyes…

“Valencia? Your husband –“

“My husband is a fool, Sienna. You know this.” She looked over at V. “Why did you hit my assistant over the head?”

Sienna sighed and placed a hand on her forehead. “What a mess… Did a security scan and found a runner –“

“So you blamed it on my PA?”

V pushed herself up, head still spinning, and waited as the two women continued scolding each other. She tuned out of the conversation, trying to think of the quickest way to get the fuck away from them both. Eventually, Valencia seized V by the wrist and directed her towards the door.

“I’m heading home,” she announced. “Will get this cleared up. Good luck with your runner problem.”

V felt a jab in her lower back as the door shut behind them; she looked down at Valencia shoving a needle away, into her coat pocket. “What the fuck was that?” she demanded, her breath quickening and the hallway moving side to side.

“Don’t worry,” Valencia insisted, holding V up by her arm as her vision turned black. “I’m getting you outta here.”

* * *

Johnny felt himself pull to a stop as Judy grabbed his arm and tugged him into an alley. He, however, had no intention of pausing. Everything – his movements, thoughts – were all set on one thing, and _that_ didn’t involve cowering in an alley getting bossed around by a woman who lacked almost as much preservation instinct as V did.

“Slow down!” Judy demanded. “No way we can barge on in if there’s a security alert.”

He shrugged her away and tried to brush past again, but she was stronger than she looked and shoved him back against the wall. “Not that I have a problem with a woman likin’ it rough,” he retorted, voice strained, “But I’m _kinda busy_.”

Judy rolled her eyes. “Cut it out. You know I’m right.”

Johnny sighed and threw his head back. “So what do _you_ suggest?”

She held up her tablet. “Look at this; the virus didn’t upload completely, so I need to give it a bit of help. _Then_ we can use the cameras to find V. Better than storming through the whole building lookin’ for her.”

Johnny thought for a minute and peeked round the corner of the alley. Security were planted outside the entrance, guns unholstered and talking on their radios. He strained to listen in, but couldn’t quite make anything out.

“Fine,” he eventually contended, turning back to Judy. “Where’ve you gotta go?”

“Front desk should be fine, but they’re never gonna let me in,” she replied. “You need to distract ‘em.”

“The fuck am _I_ gonna do?”

Judy shrugged and pushed him back towards the street. “Sure you’ll figure it out.”

He stuffed his hands into his pockets and started walking down the street. This was just fuckin’ great…

“Hey!” Judy hissed, gesturing for him to adjust his blazer. “Hide your fuckin’ gun, gonk!”

He threw a middle finger up at her before tucking his gun further down the back of his pants. Since when was _she_ the sort to stand back and think shit through? _Coulda done that before Clouds_ , he thought to himself as he approached the entrance, but knew it was a blow too low to say out loud.

_Well, here goes nothing._

“The hell is goin’ on?” he demanded, arms outstretched in feigned confusion as he approached the two security guards. He tried to think of what V would say… Or, rather, what she _did_ say – when she worked at Arasaka.

Johnny cleared his throat before continuing. “I’ve got deadlines to meet. Got any idea how many clients are riding my ass right now?”

“Sir, you’re gonna have to stay back,” one of the guards grunted in response, finger on the trigger of his assault rifle. The other guard was pressed up against the shut doors, nonchalant and clearly not expecting any real trouble. Johnny wasn’t one to shy away from a fight, but he also ideally didn’t want to get shot in the street.

“Alright, alright,” he said, stopping in his tracks as he watched Judy shimmy along the wall of the building towards an open window. Fuck, this gonk was gonna spot her... And as much as Johnny _didn’t_ want to get shot, he also knew V would never forgive him if it was Judy taking a bullet instead. Sucking in a deep breath, he stepped forward again, slightly to the side to get the guard to turn his back to Judy. “The fuck’s goin’ on, anyway?”

“Just checking out a security alert.”

“A _security alert_? C’mon, this is ridiculous.” Johnny continued berating the guard, channelling V’s corpo bitchiness as best he could. _Hurry the fuck up, Judy_ , he thought. _Got me lookin’ like a gonk out here._

After a few long minutes, she hopped back out the window and shuffled back down to the alley, shooting Johnny a grin over her shoulder. “Y’know what?” he interrupted the guard, already walking away. “Forget this.”

“Good job you wore your suit, huh? Shoulda filmed that,” Judy snickered, eyes glued to her tablet and a smile of amusement still on her face. “V woulda found it hilarious.”

Johnny crossed his arms, unimpressed. “You get what you needed, at least?”

“Yup. Virus had already done most of the work.” Her optics lit up as she flicked her finger across the tablet. “Cycling through the cameras now. Gimme a few minutes.”

Johnny crouched down on the ground. He suddenly felt weird… Tired and sluggish, like he hadn’t slept in a week, and struggled to keep his eyes open. _Shit_ , he suddenly realised, _she didn’t take her pills, did she_? Something was up, and it wasn’t with him.

“Judy,” he said, “Check the exits.”

“Huh…” she murmured, then turned the tablet round. “Who the fuck is this?”

Johnny stared up, his brain failing to register what he saw at first. There was V, stumbling out a different exit – into a garage – and being held up by… “ _Valencia_?”

“Who the fuck is Valencia?”

“V’s mom. Massive bitch. Even worse than V.” Johnny pulled himself up again. If that cunt had sold V out, he’d kill her himself.

“Fuck.”

“Uh huh… This happen just now? Where are they?”

Judy shook her head. “No… Ten minutes ago… Was the last movement triggered on the camera.”

Johnny held himself up against the wall. This wasn’t good.

“Johnny? You okay? Lookin’ like a damn ghost.” Judy reached out to prop him up, throwing one of his arms over her shoulders as she held his front to stop him drooping forward. Seriously, how the fuck was this girl so strong?

“Try callin’ her,” he insisted, clinging to the small chance that Valencia _hadn’t_ gone batshit crazy.

Judy pulled her holo out and the pair of them stood frozen as it rang. Johnny awkwardly rested his head on top of Judy’s and wondered if V’d left any omega blockers in the car – no way was he gonna be able to chase her down like this.

They heard Valencia’s shrill voice call out. “ _Gimme that!”_ Then static.

Judy stared up at Johnny wide-eyed, holo still in hand.

“Did she just throw her phone out the fuckin’ window?” he demanded.

“Sounds like it…”

“Fuck.” He stumbled to the side again. “I’m gonna kill this bitch.”

“Don’t worry,” Judy assured, placing him against the wall. “I can track its location still. Gimme a minute.”

Johnny sank back down to the ground, eyes fluttering closed. Now he knew what V meant about dealing with his shitty emotions… Whatever was happening to her was impossible to fight against… Had she been drugged? “Gonna… need more than a minute.”


	26. Sweetness

For once, V knew that she was dreaming, and also that she was very much _not_ meant to be asleep right now. Everything felt different, though, like her body had shut down completely… _Oh, right_ , she remembered. _The bitch drugged me_. But where was _‘here’_? Where was _she_? Laying on a bed, staring up at an ancient ceiling fan as sun poured in through dirty windows in streams of yellow… Wait, she _did_ know this place. The Pistis Sophia. Question was, was she there as Johnny, or as V? _So many questions_ … She looked up at an outstretched arm and watched it fade from metal to flesh then back again. Outside, waves crashed upon the shore, and V swore she could hear the distant shriek of a bird. But that was impossible, right? There were no birds in Night City. Or anywhere, really.

She pushed herself upright, not without effort, but found herself somewhere else entirely. Looked like the back of some skeevy dive bar, the floor beneath her palms sticky with grime and spilled beer. A blurred-faced figure knelt in front of her and held out a bottle of red and blue pills.

“Try these, Silverhand,” it offered, but she ignored it, climbing to her feet and brushing through the stranger as she stumbled out the door and into Arasaka Tower.

Another figure, but one she distantly recognised. “Got those reports you asked for,” the intern said. V looked over her shoulder at the door to Jenkins’ office and grimaced at the memory. _I was a completely different person then_ …

“Later,” she replied and continued to stumble down the hall, her hand still shifting forms with each tiny movement. Finally, she ground to a halt, and looked up at one of the fluorescent lights hanging over her, urging herself into consciousness. “I have somewhere else to be.”

* * *

Finally, V was released from the dream, returning to the real world of blinding light and screeching car horns as she snapped her eyes open. The back of her head hurt and – _fuck_ , her hands were bound…

“Where the fuck am I?” she instinctively demanded out loud, looking around frantically but unable to process anything she saw. Her skin felt cold and clammy, the heat of the sun hitting her hard.

“Calm down.” _Valencia_.

V breathed and waited a few moments for her eyes to fully adjust, unable to trust her senses. But then she saw her clearly, and her anger was unleashed. “What did you do?” she hissed. “You fuckin’ cunt, _what did you do_?”

“Told you to calm down,” Valencia chastised, pushing her oversized sunglasses higher up the bridge of her nose. V remembered now… The trench coat she’d had on was gone, shoved onto the back seat, and her suit underneath was streaked with peachy red blood stains and dirt. Clearly, she’d been trying to scrub the stains out. The fuck was going on?

“There was… an alert?” V slowly recalled. “Why?”

“Mhm. Got to you just in time.”

“ _You_ did?” Fuck, this was confusing and her head was still spinning. As if she didn’t have enough brain damage already…

“Yup.” Valencia paused as she shifted in between traffic. “Things got fucked, Valerie. Never got this far before and, well, I underestimated what your father was willing to do.”

“Told you your plan was shit,” V muttered as she struggled with the wires wrapped round her wrists. The more she moved, the deeper they cut into her circulation. “What happened?”

“He sent some of his thugs in the night. Three of them.” She stared ahead of herself, jaw clenched and knuckles turning white.

“How’d you…?”

“Get away? I shot them.”

V blinked. “Pft. You? They teach you that at Militech?”

“Yes, actually.”

V was quiet for a moment as she considered the situation. “So you knew my cover was busted?”

“Mhm. I mean, maybe not but – knew they’d do a security sweep and find your runner, at least. Looks like I was right. Headed over myself.”

“So why fuckin’ _drug_ me?” V held up her hands. “And why am I tied up? What the fuck is _wrong_ with you? Fuckin’ abducting me… Can’t believe it.”

“Not _abducting_ ,” Valencia insisted, “Keeping you safe. I need to leave the city.”

“So? Then fuckin’ leave.” V tried to elbow the passenger window, but it wouldn’t break. Whose car was this? “Let me the fuck outta here!”

Valencia shook her head, still refusing to look at V. “No. Not leaving you. Not having him cost me my daughter for a second time.”

“Your denial really is staggering,” V shook her head. “Dad didn’t cost you anythin’ – _you_ did! You _chose_!”

“You seriously think it was a _choice_ , huh?” Valencia threw one hand up from the wheel and hurriedly unzipped her blazer. She didn’t bother with the blouse, tearing its buttons away.

“The hell are you doin’?” V paused as Valencia shrugged free from the shirt, her upper torso specked with purple bruises and old scars.

“ _This_ is what choices like that look like, Valerie. Why do you think we were in LA every damn weekend? Why do you think I never left you alone with him, not for a _minute_?”

V was silent and turned away. She didn’t want to hear this. She didn’t _care_.

But Valencia continued. “Every time you got anything less than perfect marks on a test, or when one of your little friends’ airheaded parents had one bad word against you, he took it out on me. But then you had to go running off with some piece of street trash.” She shook her head at the memory. “Anything else he would have forgiven, but _that_? So, _yes_ , that one time, I couldn’t protect you anymore… He said he was going to _kill_ you, Valerie, that if I intervened things would be a whole lot worse.”

V felt her face pale as she watched Valencia’s shaking hand re-zip her blazer. This wasn’t the prim and proper woman she’d known growing up… She was terrified.

“You need to take me back,” V said through gritted teeth.

“Did you not listen to a word I just said? Not happening. He’ll come for you, and I won’t see you again.”

“Fuck, Mom, if you don’t take me back, I’m dead anyway.”

“What?”

V dug her fingernails into her knees. “I’m sick. You think I do jobs like this for the fuckin’ fun of it? Doin’ it in exchange for treatment.”

“Sick?” She was looking at her now. “In what way?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter. We can get you treatment anywhere. LA, London, Tokyo –“

“No, we can’t,” V snapped. She felt more and more desperate as each minute passed. Fuck, they were already well out of the City Centre. She jumped slightly as a low buzzing spread through her leg… Her holo? She squirmed around to pull it free of her jeans and managed to open the call for a brief second before Valencia’s wide eyes snapped over to her and she grabbed it out of her hands.

“ _Gimme that_!” she demanded, throwing it out the open driver’s window in one seamless motion.

“The fuck is your problem?” V shouted. “You wanna get me killed? ‘Cause we’re drivin’ away from the only people who can _save my fuckin’ life_!”

“Stop being dramatic –“

V’s hands may have been bound, and she may have felt sluggish and weak as shit, but she could still throw a punch; she struck Valencia square on the nose.

“ _Ow_!” she yelped. “ _Stop it_! This is for your own good. I’m taking us to a motel, near the border. Nobody will find us there.”

“You always think you know what’s best for me,” V snapped. “I have a life in NC. People I love.”

“What? Like that wannabe rockerboy? _Please_. If that’s all you’ve got in Night City, you won’t miss it.”

She narrowed her eyes. Should she hit her again? Make her crash the car? “Don’t even talk about him. If you’re lucky, he’ll kill you before I get the chance.”

V hadn’t thought it much of a threat, but it seemed to get to Valencia nonetheless. She started shaking again and reached into the glovebox, pulling another syringe out.

“Get off me, bitch!” V shouted, trying her best to squirm away. But there was nowhere to go, and she felt another wave of tiredness wash over her as the needle jabbed into her leg.

“Just go back to sleep,” Valencia’s distant voice assured. “Everything’s gonna be okay.”

* * *

_Well,_ Johnny thought, growing gradually aware that he’d lost consciousness, _this ain’t Konpeki Plaza_.

He should have felt more panicked; V needed him, and there he was passed out in an alley like a real useless piece of crap. But something about this felt… Calm? Maybe not quite… More like a moment of reckoning, like he was stood on the edge of something important, something out of time. It wasn’t unlike how he’d felt waiting in Mikoshi, knowing V was out there blowing her way into ‘Saka Tower and wondering if she was even gonna make it, if he’d be able to say goodbye…

Still, this was strange. Johnny looked ahead; there was a chick laying in bed with him, and she was dead. _Huh,_ he thought, _this is definitely new_. And why the fuck was he wearing _shoes_ in bed? He reached out and touched the girl’s shoulder – already cold, already long gone – and turned her over to shakily check for a pulse. Fuck, she was young… His fingers traced the sharp white tribal tattoos that snaked across her brown skin. Polynesian, perhaps? Or some sort of African? Johnny knew he probably wasn’t cultured enough to guess.

Then, his perspective shifted, and Johnny found himself stood on the other side of the room, watching V as she snuggled into the girl for a few moments, shaking with silent sobs, then clumsily clambered over the body and pulled out her holo. Johnny moved to stand closer to her, feeling like he was walking on a cloud, or wading through thick, viscous water. V looked so much younger, her eyes not red but dark brown like his own, no scar on her cheek or piercing on her brow… But a whole lot more worn down than he could have imagined.

“Need a body collected,” she spoke, voice hollow and gruff. “Died in her sleep. Was sick.”

V paused for a moment.

“Two days? Can’t you… Can’t you come this afternoon at least? Or in the morning?”

No wonder she hadn’t been surprised listening to Judy call in Evelyn… Two fuckin’ days. No way she’d sat there with a body for all that time, right? But it seemed this younger, softer V entirely lacked Judy’s gusto to scream down the phone, accepting her horrible reality with a stiff jaw and watery eyes. Or maybe she was just too broken to put up a fight.

“Her name’s Zaniya Attia,” she continued. “No, we don’t have TT! You think I’d be waitin’ two fuckin’ days if we did? That she’d have died in her sleep from a _heart condition_ and an _infection_? Right. Okay.”

She hung up the call and wrapped her arms around herself before stumbling into the tiny bathroom. Everything about her was devoid of life… Fuck, this was way too real, and Johnny didn’t want to see anymore of it. For starters, V would hate it. But knowing all this happened to her? That she went through it alone, in a shitty apartment that was little more than a slum, with a collapsing ceiling on one side and a dead body on the other? _Fuck_. Sure, Johnny had been literally fuckin’ dead at this point in V’s life, but why couldn’t things have been different? Why couldn’t they have found each other sooner, in a different way?

Johnny soon realised why she was wearing shoes – there were roaches everywhere, worse than he’d ever seen in their megabuilding. He momentarily looked back at the far wall; it was plastered with sketches of Egyptian pyramids and ancient gods with creepy animal heads, a small signature scrawled into the corner of each page – _Zan_.

Johnny reluctantly followed V, watching her closely with a tilted head as she leaned over the sink. She stood like that for a while, frozen and empty as her world collapsed around her, then slowly reached out for a loose razor left on the side. She pressed it against a wrist, gazing down with a look of hope and determination glimmering in her eyes.

Johnny’s heart leaped. _You fuckin’ didn’t_ … He thought, almost urged. Never would he have imaged this, not from V, who had spent the last few months refusing to even consider death as a possibility. He reached out to grab her, hands fazing through time and time again, just like they had after Judy’d hauled her out of that damn lake…

“C’mon, V,” he said, knowing full well that she couldn’t hear him, that nothing he said would have any bearing on the past. “You don’t wanna do that.”

After a few more agonising minutes, she dropped the razor into the sink with a sharp clatter and ran a hand over her face. Johnny leaned his forehead against the wall in relief. Watching his output try to flatline herself was the thing he needed right now…

“Oh,” she said, “You’re actually here?”

He looked up. Was she talking to him? She was certainly _looking_ at him. And seemed different all of a sudden… The look in her eyes had changed, her body language no longer defeated although still hunched over and exhausted.

“Huh?” he replied. “ _You’re_ actually here?”

She regarded him in the reflection of the mirror before walking past and back into the main living area. “Guess so. This… isn’t a good one for you to see.”

He followed her as she stopped in front of the artwork. The whole situation was weird and creepy. How was this possible?

“Still have a few of these tucked away somewhere,” V added. “Maybe I should frame a couple.”

“Why the obsession with Egypt?” Johnny asked.

She gave him a funny look. “’Cause she was Egyptian?”

 _Well, that made sense_. “Thought she was Polynesian.”

“The fuck you on about, gonk?” V blinked at him. “Have you ever _seen_ a Polynesian person? _Completely_ different.”

“Well, what about this one?” He pointed towards a painting at the end, close to the door. It comprised of splashes of neon colour and a single word – _Sweetness._

V smiled, her eyes sad at the memories the artwork stirred. “Zan was a stripper. Sweetness was her name.”

“So she ended up another washed up sex worker?”

“ _No_. She loved her job. Wanted to open her own bar, someday…” She moved over and crouched in front of Zan. “If it wasn’t for the body, we could stay here forever.”

“Here? In this shithole?”

V sighed and stood again. “Guess not,” she shrugged. “We’d been squatting here for… a week? Before that, we’d been at a friend’s. Wish she’d died there, instead.”

Johnny was silent for a few minutes. This whole thing was weird, and conversation pointless. “Where are you, V?” he finally asked.

She shook her head solemnly. “We keep cheatin’ death, Johnny, and it ain’t workin’. Need a different way to look at things.”

He blinked. The fuck was she on about now?

“This is bullshit,” she added, starting to pace back and forth. “I’m done letting everyone else solve my problems.”

“And what do you expect me to do, huh? Sit on my ass and do nothin’?”

She crossed her arms. “Exactly.”

“Not happening.”

“Of course not,” V rolled her eyes. “Valencia is the fucking worst, but bein’ around her makes me remember who I am.”

“And who’s that.”

“Well, you already know,” she laughed. “I’m V. Best damn merc in Night City. And I _don’t_ need your help, okay? Gonna handle this one myself.”

“Been over this, you –“

“Stop, okay?” She leant against the wall, against the drawings. The room started greying around them. “I know everyone’s tryin’ to help, but it’s making me feel weak. Fuck, Johnny, could you have imagined me crying to Rogue in the Afterlife even a month ago?”

“No, I can’t,” he admitted. Things _had_ been weird – she’d been different since Mikoshi, more fearful and reserved. Except around Judy, for some reason. Judy didn’t ask V questions about the engram, and didn’t tell her what to do, either. _Shit_ , Johnny realised. _So that’s what she thinks everyone is doin’?_

“Everything feels outta control,” she explained, continuing her pacing. “First the engram, now this… And nobody thinks I _can_ have control.”

Johnny thought for a moment. “Think everyone’s just worried you’re actin’ different, that something went wrong.”

“Think about it,” she shook her head. “I don’t care about you drinkin’, or fuckin’ up my stitches, or any of that. Jackie did the same just from throwing me over his shoulder, drunk outta our minds every time. But everyone else cared, didn’t they? And they love me, and feel bad for me ‘cause I’m dyin’, so end up telling me how to feel. Then I start thinkin’, hey, maybe they’re right – I _should_ care about this. _V_ cares about this. Like you’re tellin’ me right now.”

“I ain’t tellin’ you shit, V.”

“Yes, you are,” she retorted. “You’re tellin’ me I can’t handle my own _mother_. That I’m fucked on my own. Handled her enough already, haven’t I?”

Johnny sat down and sighed. So that’s why they were here, of all places – _this_ was just how weak she felt. “So how do we fix that?”

“You let me do what I do best,” V insisted. “You trust me and _stop saving me_.”

He sighed again. “Okay. You’re right.”

“Good.” She looked taken aback by his lack of resistance, but she _was_ right, and Johnny couldn’t argue against her.

“What’s your plan?” he asked, watching her carefully. She looked different now. Determined and sure of herself. Like she’d felt right before Konpeki…

“Bitch said somethin’ about a motel, in the Badlands,” V replied thoughtfully. “Perfect place for me to get the upper hand… She’ll be outta her comfort zone, and she’s already cracking under the pressure.”

“Or she could just keep dosing you with drugs,” Johnny pointed out. Fuck, this was already a terrible idea. Shit like this never went well.

“Mhm. Good point. But she won’t risk overdosing me. Think I’ll manage.”

“Then what?”

“Then I call you.”

“That’s it?”

“Yup.” She gripped his hands. “Trust me.”

He nodded reluctantly. “Judy and I’ll hold tight. No idea how I’ll convince her.”

V turned to face Zan again. She seemed to consider stepping forward, or reaching out to touch her, but instead moved towards the door of the apartment. “Tell her… not to martyr herself for the sake of love,” she eventually said with a snicker.

“Huh? The fuck does that mean?”

“Just somethin’ she said to me… Think she was makin’ fun of me, really. Was the one time she knew you weren’t listenin’. If that doesn’t convince her, you’re on your own.” She stopped for a second, then added, “Drugs are wearing off. I can hear the engine.”

Johnny got the same impression. Most of the room was a foggy grey now, not unlike a raw BD, and he could feel the sensation of a cold breeze on his face. “Is it as simple as that?” he asked as she paused to look back at him. “Walkin’ through a door?”

“Dunno,” V shrugged, tapping the doorframe. “But I’m done with this place. See you soon, Johnny.”


End file.
